2 Years...

I don't know what prompted me to think of this and I certainly cannot tell you why, but for the past week an old friend of mine has been on my mind. I have gone to bed thinking about her silly behavior, soft ears, cool nose and curly, uncontrollable tail. I am of course speaking of my first dog, Hershey.

A pet isn't just something you feed and take for walks; it is a companion, a friend, a loyal and constant family member. This past week marked the 2-year anniversary of Hershey's death. In order to keep my mind on track, I'm going to take you back...

I had been bothering my parents for a full year about getting a dog. I was in the second grade and I would constantly check out the "Encyclopedia of Dogs" book from my library at school to look up which dog I wanted the most. I did this for the entire year...I read that book from cover to cover. I also volunteered at the humane society whenever my mom could take me...I loved dogs. Finally, after my brother was bit by a neighborhood dog, my dad decided that we could get a dog. (My dad certainly wasn't going to have a child afraid of dogs...so we went to the humane society).

I remember the excitement, the anticipation, the lack of sleep the night before we went to find our new family member. When we got to the humane society, I went straight for this big, white and tan spotted 3-year-old dog. It was really ugly, but I wanted it...I walked her, played with her and was entranced by her. Alas, my parents wanted a puppy so I had to leave my ugly duckling of a dog in her cage to view the puppies. I remember seeing a small, brown ball of fluff with three other balls of of fluff sharing a cage with her. She was a chocolate lab/dalmatian mix. The deciding factor of which puppy to chose, was my brother going into the cage with the four crazy pups and this brown one came up to him and laid in his lap...my dad knew that this was the dog for us. The next day we returned to the shelter and brought home our bundle of joy...we named her Hershey because she's a chocolate lab...creative, right? :)

Hershey had a knack of knowing when we needed her most...when we would cry, be sick or just lonely, she knew when to come over and put her head on our laps...she was so dumb at times, but other times she would sit at our feet and not move until she knew we would be OK. She was my loyal companion and best friend for 13 years. One week before I left for my junior year of college, Hershey suffered a massive stroke/seizure. It was the scariest thing I ever witnessed...I watched her seize and knew I couldn't do anything. When she came out of the seizure, she didn't recognize any of us, barked at us, could hardly walk and wasn't interested in eating. After about six hours, she regained her memory and everything seemed alright. My dad prepared us though...he continually said things like, "dogs don't live forever" and "she's 13, guys...she's lived a long life."

The night I moved into my apartment and prepared myself for school, Hershey had another seizure. This time, so I'm told, it left her paralyzed from the neck down. She couldn't move and my poor mother and brother were stuck making the decision of what to do with her. After another night of her immobility, my parents decided to put her down...they couldn't do anything for her and knew she was in pain. I feel so blessed that my last memory of her is when she was "healthy". I remember not sleeping at all the night before...I remember my roommate being so supportive and loving; she read me Bible passages. But on September 19th, 2008 my best friend left this world. My dad called me at 8am and told me she was gone...after 13 years of her helping me, I couldn't help her.

For about four months after she passed, I couldn't look at dogs. If I saw one walking down the street, I would start crying...it was the hardest thing. As the 2-year anniversary of her death passes, I can only remember her and her silliness, her kindness and her love. Pets aren't just things you feed and walk; they are friends, family members and loyal companions who are there for you no matter what. I miss you, Hershey and love you so much...thank you for all you gave to me, expecting nothing in return except a pat on the head or a dog bone.


***Sorry this is such a depressing update...I'll try to be more upbeat next time.***

What Warms My Heart

Writing for writings sake...

Where do/can I begin? I am enjoying every moment I have with my kids. Sometimes the 7th-8th graders can be pains in the butt, but I feel so much love, joy and strength from the kids I "serve". They give me hope, they give me love, they give me strength to keep pushing through all the crap.

I am struggling with Bridgeport. I am struggling with JVC. I didn't come into this experience with a gaggle of expectations because expectations usually give way to disappointment. I did however come in with certain ideas on how to challenge myself. I knew I would love simple living...I love budgeting and pinching pennies...I'm odd. I love serving and loving. I knew these would be minor challenges for me so I figured I'd challenge myself with my spirituality/prayer life and even the attitude I bring to the social justice life. I knew there would be hiccups along the way, but I didn't think I'd be challenged in the ways I have felt challenged these past three weeks.

Community is tougher than I thought...for some reason or the other I am having a hard time being myself. My roommates are not to blame...it's me. For some reason I feel constricted in my behavior/actions. I feel like my "sense of humor" that everyone loves so much back home is lost here and my kind heart is being masked by a firm exterior that plainly isn't me. I'm not exactly sure how to remedy this situation and I realize that part of the problem is my need for instant gratification, but I do feel like the only time I feel comfortable is when I am around kids ages 5-10 years old. I feel in my element during that time and I feel blessed to have them in my life...they need me and I need them. I love them...

That was just my thoughts at this very moment...moving on to what I've been up to:

We had Fr. Mark come over to discuss Ignatius Spirituality on Wednesday, had dinner and a community activity with John and Sara (our support people) on Thursday (they made the BEST Mexican food), went out to dinner with Katie's parents on Friday and went to Manhattan on Saturday. It was a jam-packed week...but well worth it. It was great. Manhattan is crazy big...it's insane. People can't drive very well and the pedestrians are crazy. We went to Manhattan conveniently at the same time as the Italian Festival. We went through little Italy and there were so many Guidos/Guidettes! It was hilarious...we had the best Italian food and enjoyed the sites of Soho. I got the chance to visit Central Park (awesome) and go to the fountain that Carrie goes to multiple times on Sex and the City/it's been in a ton of movies. It's beautiful. Central Park is lovely...it's great. I've decided that NYC is nice to visit but I could never live there...I'm too country, I love trees too much...hahaha.

Anywho, that's it from my neck of the woods...off to look at a grant and then play with my little blessings in disguise at 2pm. Loves!

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." -Gandhi

Service has been a part of my life since I can remember. My parents have always been Girl Scout leaders/baseball coaches/Cub Scout "Den" Mother/Band Volunteers/P.T.A. Volunteers/Church Volunteers and anything else under the sun. I have been blessed to be raised in a family where service to others is at the forefront of what we do.

Since getting to Bridgeport, I have felt lost many a time; for various reasons. Whether the loneliness of being released into the "real world" by myself or coming face to face with children struggling to be children or being patient with my community and agency, I have lost elements of myself in the hulabaloo of my environment. I have lost my narrow views on poverty, I have lost a part of my optimism, I have lost my fear of the unknown, I have lost my inability to adapt to change. In this environment, I've had to rely on what I know, which is service.

Last Wednesday, I had the best day since getting to Bridgeport. I was intimidated when my supervisors told me I had to teach C.O.P.E. by myself but I knew that God, in His infinite wisdom, never gives you more than you can handle. So I took on the "at-risk" COPE kids. They walked in with their tough exteriors coated in anger, distrust and pain, and I knew I had to stand my ground or they'd walk all over me. They walked in and asked, "so what are we doing today?" I told them, "whatever you want to do." (OK, so I caved very quickly). The three boys started playing basketball and then called me over to ask if they could play 2 vs. 2 basketball...I told them it was OK if they could find a fourth player...they looked at me and I realized the implications they were making. Needless to say, they got me to play. I warned them...let it be known that I warned them of my awful basketball skills. After a while of me looking like an idiot, them laughing at me and smiling at my ridiculous traveling, horrid shots and humorous comments, they let go of their inhibitions and enjoyed their time with me. We had such a great time and all I needed to do was be genuine and myself. I looked like an idiot, but that gave them the wiggle room they needed to act 16, instead of 26 years old. At the end of class, one of the boys came over to me, thanked me and asked if he could volunteer after school with the kids. He said he really enjoyed the Shehan Center and wanted to help. I can't take credit for his sudden interest but I like to think that in loosing myself in service, I helped him find a piece of himself. This one hour on Wednesday helped get me through a challenging week, but it was in this hour that I discovered my calling: I am here to love. I am here to love them, even if they don't want to be loved...I am here to be the Katie Conway that my parents are proud of and to enrich my life with the help of those I'm serving. I am here to be the one person that loves these kids regardless of their past, present or future...I am called to use the gifts I have to push them to act their age and be themselves for an hour a week.

So I was searching through the web and a friend of mine had sent me this Ghandi quote. It was in this quote that everything seemed to tie together: When you make service your own and truly "lose" yourself in the service of others, this is when you discover your desires, your passions, the inner most workings of yourself. Just some morning thoughts and revelations. Have a great week, everyone! Loves!
~Katie~

Dry, Eagles, Dry

This weekend was relaxing, I was (as David Bowles would say) "Gentle with myself". One of my roommates went to Boston for her bf's birthday, we had one of the JVs from Hartford come to stay with us and one of my roommates had their bf come up to visit so it was a weekend full of "drop-in" people! It was great to hear about the Hartford house and how they are working as a community...she gave us some great ideas for grocery shopping especially (thanks Kristin!) and it was nice to chat it up with someone new.

We ordered pizza for the first time in Bridgeport on Friday...Vinny's Pizza is great, if anyone was wondering and the weekend was basically spent "kickin' it" with our visitors. The most exciting aspect of this weekend involves Saturday, which can be easily followed by our avid football watching on Sunday...OK...

So on Saturday, Jeremy, Melissa's bf, took it upon himself to try and hook up our dryer. It involved moves that only MacGyver could parallel. For more than one reason, we ended up with two dryers...long story...so Jeremy tried to hook up the first one, hence channeling MacGyver, and finally got it working. Needless to say, after a three hour long drying session, we realized that the dryer wasn't blowing hot air...cue second dryer. Jeremy hooked up the second dryer with a special cord and what not and tested it...didn't work. Then Melissa realized that the door couldn't shut completely so Jeremy jerry-rigged a cement block and metal pipe to our dryer to keep the door shut and poof! we have a working dryer. The saga of the messed up dryer is over, all thanks to Jeremy...hahaha.

THEN, on Sunday Alie really wanted to watch the Eagles game...but we don't have cable so we decided we would all go out to a sports bar. We arrived at said sports bar around 4:30pm to watch the 4:15pm game and got our beer and seats in the back. After about an hour of navigating our eyes around the two large headed people in front of us, we decided to move...the big headed couple got up and left so we swooped in on their spots. Two very intoxicated men were sitting next to Alie and they were really funny to listen to...we watched the game from start to finish, listening intently to the announcer as best we could, which was a challenge...due to drunk #2 singing the "Fly Eagles Fly" song multiple times to mock the sad beating the Eagles were taking. Being the only females in the bar, it was a funny dynamic because the men couldn't understand why we were more interested in the game than them...the whole picture makes me smile when I recall everything...unfortunately, the Eagles lost (but the Seattle Seahawks won! YAY!).

So in one fall swoop, I gained a dryer, became a new fan of the Eagles and bonded with my roommates over both situations. It was a great weekend. Loves!
~Katie~

Preparation, Preparation, Patience...

Patience with the Program: So far, the Shehan Center has been without children and without much excitement. I have gotten to know my co-workers pretty well and I like them. I love the environment and I feel like I fit in pretty well, but I will be very happy when I hear the pitter patter of little and big feet on our gym floor Monday morning!

Preparation: I found out I'll be teaching P.E. to 5-8th grade girls, both genders of 2nd and 3rd grade and, my favorite, KINDERGARTEN!!! I'm so excited to meet my "students" and begin this year-long relationship with them! Even though I have no clue or training in the field of P.E. I am optimistic because my support here is great and my mom sent me a 35 year old book she used in the early 80's to teach P.E. Armed with that and a pretty vivid imagination, I think I'll survive!

Patience with Myself:Tuesday, Melissa led us in Spirituality night. It was just what I needed - she led us in the Examine. It was very calming and relaxing and just what I needed to set my head straight again. I've been doing Yoga with Alie this week and, although I am about as flexible as a rock, it has been relaxing as well.

Preparation: In addition, after the little disappointment of discovering that I couldn't help with the religious ed. classes or youth group at St. Ann's, I decided that I need an outlet. I need a regularly scheduled activity with just me...with that said, I'm thinking of joining the St. Ann's Choir. I sang back home in our Newman choir so it wouldn't be a stretch for me...and I love to sing. As Alie said, "I've never met someone who sings so much!" :)

Patience with Myself/My Community/Life: I called my mom two nights ago and just began crying...I felt like such a sissy; but I started crying about how I haven't had a hug in a month and how I haven't been able to connect with my friends and I just wailed to her about everything...it was like the flood gates just opened. At one point, once the laundry list of complaints was finished, I said, "what the heck is wrong with me, this isn't me." My mom lightly laughed and said, "honey, you're homesick." I'm homesick...I didn't think it would happen so soon...I was never really homesick in college and I only would see my parents maybe twice a year then...ugh. I'm a pansy...hahahaha...my mother is a saint, she knows exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. If I talk more about my mom, not only will I be crying but it deserves its own post entirely.

So I guess this week is about patience and preparation for meeting my own goals and living up to the standard God keeps pushing me toward...I am a work in progress, this experience is a work in progress and my instant gratification attitude should calm itself down. God bless and as always, loves!!!

~Katie~

Laboring Over the Weekend...

Alright, so it's been almost a week...sorry. Whelp, I had an eventful weekend! I can not only color in two more states on my U.S. map as places I've been to, but I can also say that I have bonded with and gotten to know more of the JV community.

So on Friday, I went to the Archdiocese of Bridgeport and got addition training on how to not touch children and the warning signs of abuse and that kinda stuff. That was interesting...on the way home I was introduced to the Dunken' Doughnuts Coolata (sp?) which is essentially a coffee milkshake (so good). They are crazy about Dunken' Doughnuts here...it's crazy.

Then, Friday night we decided to watch Precious...it was really good, really insane, really honest and raw. I highly recommend that movie for anyone. It's intense though, keep that in mind when you watch it.

On Saturday my roommates and I set out on our big adventure to Baltimore for the Labor Day party they were throwing. Five hours and four states later, we were in Baltimore. We stopped at a rest stop before hand to "primp" and change into our party outfits...hahaha. I borrowed a dress from my roommate, Melissa and it was a size XS so can we just marvel in the fact that I fit into an XS?!?!?!

Anywho, we arrived at around 7:30pm to a house full of slightly intoxicated people. The house was really cool and our hosts were very welcoming. (Thanks Baltimore for a great party). They had gotten three kegs (ridiculous!). I, of course, brought wine for myself because as my friend Stan likes to say, "I am a Wine-O." hahaha. I got to talk with a mutual friend of my brother and me, Sean (shout out to Sean Baird) and it was nice to talk about the differences we were finding between the east coast and the west coast and remember the good ol' days of Washington...hahaha. Then, I got to have a little dance time with my roomies and then I got to talking with more people; ya'll know how much I love to talk!

My roommates left at around 10:30pm and I wasn't too ready to leave yet so they said they'd come back and get me around midnight. Around midnight, I got a text saying that they couldn't come get me (which I was very proud of myself because I didn't panic). They were in a sticky situation so I totally understood but I had to come up with a makeshift way to keep my contacts (red party cups and random solution someone gave me, thanks Kate). But it all worked out...it was a good time.

On the way back, we spent a little time in Baltimore, I got a Maryland magnet to add to my collection and I tried cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory for the first time (it was divine). It was a fun weekend. We went to Mass at Fairfield University, which was interesting. They clapped during the Alleluia and had a drum set in the choir. As Alie said, "it was very Jesuit-y". :) It was just different, not bad at all...just different. I do miss Fr. Qui-Thac's homilies and funny anecdotes and I miss the entertaining announcements at our Mass but that was a different time and it's time for me to move on I guess.

On Sunday, I got to talk with Kelsey, a friend from home, and it was great. I've been putting off calling people because I'm afraid I'll get too homesick if I talk to people; I feel like I have to recover every time I talk to my parents as it is because they make me miss home so I'm sorry for not calling, friends...I'm building myself up for it, promise.

I had Monday off and it was fun to relax (I did Yoga for the first time, very relaxing). After Yoga I went grocery shopping with my roommates so relaxation would have been better served after shopping, hahaha. Also, Alie's brother and dad came through Bridgeport and we got to meet/hang out with them. It was really neat...I love seeing people's roots. Anywho, I have definitely written far too much now so I will stop here and say, here comes week number three of work! Whoot!

~Katie~

Revelations and Thoughts (mid-week update)

So I've never worked with urban youth before...I've never been around more than three "urban youth" at one time so I'm trying to prepare myself for the year to come...my kids get here on the 13th and I begin teaching P.E. on that day as well...it's a thought that sits in my mind as that date draws closer and closer (I have limited experience).

Well, I've already gotten the following nicknames at work: sista, baby gurl, sweetie, singin' lady, Washington, gurl, ghetto-ized gurl, Virgin ears, JVC gurl, R & B gurl and that's it so far...each name comes with a funny instance or story and an equally awesome "namer" attached to it. I feel at home at work; everyone likes me and although I don't have anywhere near the same backgrounds as some, we are developing a strong family bond.

Carl, so far, is my favorite...giving him a run for his money is a staff member named, Mr. T, but Carl is awesome. He's really tall, skinny and about 40. He's the basketball coach and all around awesome guy to hang with. He's the contributor to a majority of the nicknames listed above...he's hilarious. He's always asking me to bring him breakfast and he says things like, "nice to see you're not allergic to black people." He just left my office and so I guess he's my inspiration for this post...he's worked his way up to the position he has right now at the Shehan Center...he's an all around awesome guy who makes me laugh and eases the tension in the room. He makes fun of me when I'm being a sheltered white girl from WA and he encourages me when my (as he puts it) inner black gurl comes out. He's great...

I like it here...I miss home...and my friends/family but it's good here. Loves for now!