Finding Refuge from Self-Deprecation

"My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are." -BA Billingsly To many, I am a confident, strong and independent woman. I hold my own and have learned to take care of myself pretty darn well. As one of my best friends said, "Katie, you can do single all by yourself. You're good at that." I know single because it has been my best companion for years.  In that single-ness, I suppose I didn't know what I was lacking was someone who was uninvolved (and had nothing to gain in return) who showed me how special I was. Sure, my parents constantly remind me of this fact and 17 pre-schoolers do as well but their opinions are biased and they have to say stuff like that (it's in their job description).  In the past month I have found someone who has. It's an odd feeling, going from something I know so well to thinking about and caring for another human being on a daily basis (foreign concept for me). Even stranger, seeing that that person thinks and cares about me a lot is even more unfathomable.  There are times I use humor and being the butt of jokes to make others laugh or smile or to just draw attention away from things I dislike about me. I suppose we are all guilty of this; but this man I am seeing points out my self deprecating comments and moments and digs into why I am so hurtful to myself.  Last night in a moment of vulnerability and honesty, I said something negative to this man about myself and he pulled the car over and said, "I just don't get it. How many times can I tell you you're perfect until you believe me? If you need reassurance, just look into my eyes, see it in my face...you're perfect."  It is so easy for me to see the beauty in others (even in the grumpiest of people) but when I look at myself, that beauty seems to melt away. This man, this wonderful man, is helping me see my beauty. I guess as long as I attempt to see myself as he sees me, to look into his eyes for reassurance, than I will eventually see how truly special I am.  Peace and love to you all; I see how truly special each and every one of you are and I hope you see it too.