I'll Be Doing Whatever Snow Does in SUMMER!

It's the best eleven letter phrase any teacher can hear - SUMMER BREAK! Mine started about a week ago and it's been a relaxing, reflective time for me.


As I finished out my second year of teaching I reflected on many things:

1) I will miss these nutty kids. Instead of teaching until the bitter end, I opted for a movie day on the last day of school, where we watched "Frozen". It was awesome. It was disruptive and messy and crazy but it was a beautiful time where they could take their shoes off, eat on their blankets on the carpet and break almost every rule they had practiced so hard throughout the year. We got to enjoy our time together without worrying about literacy, math, science or standards. We could ALL be kids.



2) They are smart. I am sending eight rising PK4 kids to Kindergarten and they are prepared. They know all of their letter sounds, letters, can do basic addition and write their numbers and some can even read. They worked so hard this year and deserve all the credit, but the Penguins were a smart group this year. Out of the 8 Pre-K classes at my school, my class was the only one to entirely reach the benchmark in all three content areas. This means they all reached or exceeded expectations/standards. I am a proud mama Penguin.



3) I am already thinking about next year; yes, it is summer vacation, but I want to keep improving and growing as a teacher. There are a handful of things I feel incredibly confident in now; one being my abilities as a teacher. My principal met with me last week and said, "Katie, it's been incredible to see you evolve into this amazing teacher. It's been really awesome." I can do it. And not only can I do it, but I am already thinking about next year which means I still have a passion for it.



4) For better or worse, I have found my calling. I was talking with my spiritual director about teaching and my students and I kept talking in circles, trying to describe why I keep coming back for more and he interrupted me and said, "it's because it's your vocation." I have found it. After years of trying to avoid the teaching pathway; I've followed in my mother's, father's and grandmother's footsteps. I am a teacher and I love it.



I round out year two with a sad heart as I pass on 8 of "my" kids to another teacher but am excited about the 7 I have returning to me next year as second year Penguins. Thinking about all the awesome stuff they learned and retained this year, I cannot wait to kick start them into super smart Penguin status like my 4-year-olds this year. I am blessed. I am blessed to have summer off; time to reflect on an amazing year; time spent with these hair raising, yet lovable 3,4 and 5-year-olds and blessed to say I truly love what I get to do. Happy summer, everyone! I am off to Ireland and Italy in a week to explore and live out new adventures. I can't wait to show my students all my pictures when I get back!!!

I Wish You Enough

I've been talking to my spiritual director about this a lot lately: "asking for things I think I need instead of listening for what is needed of me."

Over Memorial Day weekend, my friends and I traveled up to the thriving metropolis of Lake Canandagua, NY. Spending the weekend with good people, zero phone service and very little technology in general proved to be an amazing opportunity for us all to appreciate one another.

At Mass during our weekend away, the priest read a poem as follows:

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

It was a punch in my gut. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I had a weekend away full of peace, love and yummy food. Hearing this poem helped me to change my perspective: asking for enough instead of what I think I need.

Once I stopped and looked around at the beautiful, overflowing lake and lush, green hillside; I realized I had my "enough". I had friends who were willing to laugh, pick me back up again and promise to not take pictures of the 20 times I injured myself over the weekend. I had a boyfriend who voluntarily drove my annoying, Disney music loving butt for seven hours up to Lake Canandagua AND sat patiently as I tried to convince him of my canoeing skills (while paddling us in a circle). I had the beautiful and serene backdrop of birds, trees, lilacs, soft waves and peaceful gusts of wind. I had a roommate who gave me some much needed "girl/pillow talk". And I had Nerf guns ('nuf said).  What more could I really ask for?

I guess it's much easier to appreciate those things when the phone isn't working or facebook isn't available. But what if my "enough", heck, your "enough", could be felt every day? Imagine how full our hearts would be. Realizing that the old man who does Jazzer-size on the corner of my school and greets each person with a huge smile and greeting, is enough. Seeing the mother who walks her chihuahua and toddler every day at 4pm, is enough. Smelling lilacs, hearing children laugh, leaving a kind note for my roommate or sitting in front of a fan for two hours to cool off, is enough. I guess we all have our "enoughs" it's just a matter of whether we stop to truly see them or not. Our "enoughs" are overflowing and everywhere, we just need to freeze and open our eyes to the beauty around us.

With that said, I wish you enough and the mindset to see where your "enoughs" are fighting to be seen. 

Finding Refuge from Self-Deprecation

"My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are." -BA Billingsly To many, I am a confident, strong and independent woman. I hold my own and have learned to take care of myself pretty darn well. As one of my best friends said, "Katie, you can do single all by yourself. You're good at that." I know single because it has been my best companion for years.  In that single-ness, I suppose I didn't know what I was lacking was someone who was uninvolved (and had nothing to gain in return) who showed me how special I was. Sure, my parents constantly remind me of this fact and 17 pre-schoolers do as well but their opinions are biased and they have to say stuff like that (it's in their job description).  In the past month I have found someone who has. It's an odd feeling, going from something I know so well to thinking about and caring for another human being on a daily basis (foreign concept for me). Even stranger, seeing that that person thinks and cares about me a lot is even more unfathomable.  There are times I use humor and being the butt of jokes to make others laugh or smile or to just draw attention away from things I dislike about me. I suppose we are all guilty of this; but this man I am seeing points out my self deprecating comments and moments and digs into why I am so hurtful to myself.  Last night in a moment of vulnerability and honesty, I said something negative to this man about myself and he pulled the car over and said, "I just don't get it. How many times can I tell you you're perfect until you believe me? If you need reassurance, just look into my eyes, see it in my face...you're perfect."  It is so easy for me to see the beauty in others (even in the grumpiest of people) but when I look at myself, that beauty seems to melt away. This man, this wonderful man, is helping me see my beauty. I guess as long as I attempt to see myself as he sees me, to look into his eyes for reassurance, than I will eventually see how truly special I am.  Peace and love to you all; I see how truly special each and every one of you are and I hope you see it too.

Process of Accepting Loss and Loving

What a long week. I feel like this week in particular dragged on; but the odd thing is, I felt God's embrace around me throughout the entire time. Like there was a warmth surrounding me, a tightness of someone's arm around my shoulders, just pushing my body through the next thing on my checklist.

I never had a close relationship with my grandmother. We lived so far away from each other so it made it difficult. So when she passed away last Sunday my head and my heart began a civil war within my body, that I feel only God's embrace has started to remedy. I wasn't sure how to feel. She's my first grandparent to pass away but she was also 92 years old. I should be so lucky to live that long. I thought about the opportunities I passed up to spend time with her, or write her or call her. I thought of how often I had figured I had so much time...not sure where I thought that "time" was coming from a woman who was 92. I guess I just didn't know. I mean, who does, really? So many things I didn't know and don't know, including how to react or grieve. It's a new process for me and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to be doing it.

But these are the things I do know:
1- She was a die hard USC fan, loved anything Irish and I probably got not only my stubbornness, but my passion for Ireland from her. She always had to have bright red nails and lipstick; had closets upon closets of stuff (including menorah candles) for "just in case" purposes (Depression baby). She loved children and loved teaching and was a very devote Catholic.   
2- She loved me. As much as I couldn't truly wrap my mind around that fact, she loved me very deeply. I could hear it in her voice every time she called; I could sense the pain her heart felt, knowing she'd never really be close to me. I know she loved me very much and I am just now realizing how much. 
3- God loved her. God loves us all. OK, duh. But even throughout my reservations (for various reasons) to be close to her, God was. He loved her very much and for that reason I am writing my entry today.

I mourn the loss of my grandmother because I mourn my own selfishness. I mourn the loss of my grandmother for my grandfather, who is left behind; for my mother, who is there watching grandfather struggle; and for my aunt and uncle who are mourning in their own ways. I mourn the loss of my grandmother because I think about all that could have been. And I mourn the loss of my grandmother because I couldn't see her the way God did.

Lent has only begun and I have decided to change my promise. In light of the little Irish lady, I called "Grammie", I pray that I treat people with the love God does and see them as He does. Because at the end of the day, God doesn't care about USC, bright red nails or closets of clothes; He cares about the relationships we're building and how we're choosing to show His love through our actions. I miss her. It's an odd feeling, but while I'm teaching specifically, I feel her. I feel her looking down on me, giggling at my students when they say something silly or smiling at me as I make her proud working with a population she loved so much. I feel closer to her now than I ever did before. And now I'm trying to love her the way God does; without reservation and without judgment.

You Can't Worry and Worship at the Same Time

Matthew 6:24-34 "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself."

Went to Mass today. My good friend and I made a point to make this our "date" for the day. Today's gospel and homily couldn't have been more on point for where I am at in my life. Life isn't slow and it certainly isn't boring. I feel like I am in a constant state of exhaustion with a laundry list of things still "to do" but today's homily helped me to put things in perspective. 

Fr. Pat began by saying that the gospel isn't saying, "let go of your fears and don't worry, be happy. Because that's unrealistic, that's not helpful. When someone is in true distress, telling them not to worry is not helpful to the situation. What the gospel is saying is that while you are worrying, you're number one priority isn't God, it's your worry. You cannot worship and worry at the same time because what becomes number one? Your worry."

He went on about opening ourselves up to God and His abilities to see us through and to pray for help conquer our worries. He shared a story about when he opened the door for an old lady and she was so profoundly grateful that it made him wonder, "what does she have going on in her life that this simple act meant so much to her?" He called that a set up for a blessing. 

This made me wonder; how many times have I been set up for a blessing and missed it? How many times have the opportunities to love or care for another whizzed past me? OR how many times have I been a blessing and not recognized it? I thought of two weeks ago, after I had a parent/teacher conference with a group of parents. Two parents lingered until everyone left and started talking to me about their son. After discussing his progress and how much I enjoyed him in the class. The dad off handedly said, "these kids are lucky to have you." And before I could respond, the mom said, "that is for certain, our son has changed so much..." then she started crying, "it's a different kid. It's just a happier, different kid. Thank you."

You never know who considers you a blessing or where a blessing will come from. We all have worries, we all have troubles and trials and tribulations BUT, by dwelling in the worry, God slips to number two on our priority list and blessings just whiz past us. 

Fr. Pat ended the homily with a helpful suggestion: instead of giving up coffee or ice cream for Lent, think about your goal for the end of Lent. What do you want to accomplish? By setting a target or goal for Lent, you will probably be more success in keeping and maintaining that trait or sacrifice you are attempting to accomplish. 

This year, for Lent, I want to go to Mass every Sunday with the goal being to breathe new life into my spiritual life. I want to go to confession (same goal as listed above). I want to run three times a week with the goal being for me to be a healthier and happier individual. And lastly, I want to be the set up for blessings every day (goal - to remember what true love really is: it's compassion and selfless giving). 

The readings for today were a slam dunk and if you take anything away from my blog today, I hope that it is two fold: 1) You cannot worship and worry at the same time 2) You never know how or when you are the set up for a blessing for someone else.

'Twas the Night Before the Super Bowl

I prepared a little Super Bowl snack for Seattle fans out there:

‘Twas the night before the Super Bowl, somewhere near the Meadowlands,
Seahawk fans were praying for Wilson to get it to Tate or Lynch’s hands.  

12^th Men were nestled all snug in the sack,
With visions of the first NFL Six-Pack;

Skittles and Gushers were plenty and there weren’t any tears,
So I drifted off to sleep without any fears;

When at the stadium there arose some strange clatter,
Broncos fans feared, “what was the matter?”;

We heard “Beast Mode” and we heard “LOB,”
We jumped from our beds, and what did we see?

He stood at the end zone, ready for a pick,
Broncos fans looked like they were going to be sick;

Then in an instant, not to our surprise,
This Stanford grad got a glint in his eyes;

He followed his route and jumped into the air,
Watching Manning’s choice and his selective stare;

Then over the airwaves came decibels never heard before,
The ground started to rumble, and the crowd wanted more;

Two teams engaged in such a great battle,
but the 12^th man could be felt all the way from Seattle;

Through the polar vortex, the sleet and the snow,
A 13-3 record made them ready to go;

So bring on John Elway and his herd of horses;
They’ll remember the day they were defeated by the ‘Hawks’ forces.

The Silent Walk Home

I am so fortunate that I get to walk home every day. I get to stroll to and from work and along the way, I get to pass by all sorts of interesting things like the garbage man, the postal worker who always says, "hello, you getting your mail alright?" dogs, rats, icy spots, parents walking their kids to school and of course, parents walking their kids home from school.

Now, I always preface everything that has to do with children with this: I am merely a teacher and have never been a parent; I do not know the stresses or joys of parenthood and therefore cannot judge the parenting skills of others. With that said, throughout my years of walking, I have noticed that the walk home between parent and child has fallen silent. Not only are parents walking yards away, with their 7-year-old trailing behind, jumping out of trees or running into garbage cans, but they aren't talking.

This discovery is sad for two reasons, 1) As a teacher, I have learned so much from my students. They seem to have an honesty and simplicity that makes life appear clearer. 2) Children are crying out for love and attention. The love and attention a simple conversation provides the backdrop for so much in their lives.

The equation for parenting isn't easy and certainly isn't going to be found in the annex of my blog, but as someone who is around children 40 hours a week, I believe talking to your children is a big part of that equation for success.

I went surfing the web only to find that:

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

"The average American parent spends 38.5 minutes having meaningful conversations with their children a week" (A.C. Nielson Co.)...friends, this is a little over 6 minutes a day. WHAT?!?!?! I think I take 6 minutes to wash my face and brush my teeth each morning! And my walk home is only 12 minutes long.

It's a known fact that with meaningful conversations with parents, children grow up knowing how to converse with their peers, co-workers, bosses and friends. They are more likely to go to college, have healthy romantic relationships and have a better quality of life. I know it's hard to fit in or even listen to a 4-year-old carry on and on and on about the new Cars movie or how Cinderella is the best princess because she has the best dress; but it's sooo incredibly important to invest in their thoughts and ideas early so they have a wonderful idea of their own self-worth.

There are a few things I do to keep me sane while I listen to their frazzled thoughts, that also help promote their growth:
* Stimulate children's curiosity and interest by asking lots of why and how questions. This helps children learn to verbalize their thoughts and feelings.

* Allow children to talk about themselves and what they like to do, their feelings and concerns, and how they feel about themselves. This will help to build an environment of trust and acceptance.

*Stop and listen. Don't just go "a-huh" or "yeah", actually listen and respond with recalling another time they shared a similar story or a book/movie you read together...help them make connections.

Again, I do not know anything about parenting but I know that only talking to your child for 6 minutes a day isn't a positive way to form a loving, giving, thoughtful and stimulating relationship with your child. All I'm saying is I wish more families I see on my walk home weren't so silent.