Let Me Love You

I have my little friend who was adopted in December. She has her struggles, she has her hard days, her heart longs to love but I can see that she holds back. It baffles me that a five-year-old has to grapple with emotions that should be reserved for those who are of age to vote.

For the longest time, I thought these lyrics (to Let Me Love You) were primarily for romantic relationships but when my little friend came up to me today, I got teary eyed and made another connection. At recess she reached up to my hand and put her tiny, freezing cold hand into it. She looked up at me with the most pure and honest eyes and said, "Ms. Katie, I wish I was your mom."

Knowing her struggles with her home life and her reluctance to open up to anyone, I was a little confused by this and decided to dig a little deeper so I smiled and said, "why, D?"

She tugged at my arm and pulled me down to her level and whispered into my ear, "because then I'd get to see you all the time."

Needless to say, I got a bit choked up. She is letting me love her.  With watery eyes, I looked down at her and said, "that would make me very happy, D."

As I sit here reflecting, I also think about the men and women I had the fortune of knowing at MK last year when I was a case manager. So many of them had walls up and reluctance to let anyone in, let alone a spunky, quirky little white girl from the Pacific Northwest who listened to "Call Me Maybe" on repeat in the dining room...but some of them did. Some of them took the plunge and actually let me love them and it's funny, but I realized the walls I had put up as well.

I realized that deep down, my idea of service or "loving thy neighbor" was very one-sided...I did all the loving and they had to just take it. But what good was that? What a silly way to think of relationships! Only once I equally let them in, and equally let them love me, was I able to able to fully love myself.

This brings me to how I want to approach others...strangers, tellers, bus drivers, roommates, "enemies" and my students. My little student, full of confusion and pain, let me in and likewise (judging by my tears currently) I let her in. The equal exchange of lowering walls and meeting each other, equally broken, equally flawed and equally pained opens the door to an incredible love that I have a hard time describing. An incredible love that makes life the amazing thing it is. What a beautiful little girl and what an amazing blessing I have in my life; just resting in the palm of my hand.

The lyrics are really beautiful:
"Let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Let me love you
I know your troubled
Don't be afraid, let me help"

(Yes, friends, the lyrics are from Ne-Yo - BUT there's an acoustic version by Travis Garland that is amazing  - plus Glee's version was wonderful too - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoIr-_-9GKM)