You Asked for It...Part 1

Alright, my friends, I have had many people ask me to share my thoughts on this certain subject and tonight is the night I appease those people...I am going to change up the pace and write a reflective piece on my dating escapades from the past six months. It only seems fair that after six months of being set up and from my personal online dating, I reflect on the knowledge I have gained throughout the process.

What I have Learned About Men:
PRE-DATE DO NOT SAY: So I'd say since I started my dating journey back in January, I have dated maybe, ten men...as in gone on dates with ten men. BUT there have been a handful (like five) that didn't even get a date because of pre-date conversations. Here is what they did:
-They...were too aggressive. Some wanted my number within two hours of messaging back and forth online...slow your roll and calm down...we got all the time in the world.
-They...wanted inappropriate pictures of me on their phones...OK, I'm a Kindergarten teacher, are you kidding me with that?
-They...made crazy plans for dates four months away before we'd even met...whoa there, buck-o, let's get date number one out of the way first.
-Mainly they were too aggressive in all aspects of the word...wanted too much too soon.

WHERE NOT TO TAKE ME: Alright, so I had some pretty bad dates which actually is what made my friends push me to write this segment of my blog...the worst date was probably the walk around the monuments...IN JANUARY! It was freezing, he doddled and wanted to stop and look at everything so when it was all said and done, we walked for five hours around the tidal basin...then we went to dinner. A 9-HOUR date?!?!?!?!?! Who does that? I was exhausted and didn't even want to look at him anymore after that...and that was our first date. Another guy (after one date) wanted to take me to a Kathi Griffin show in Baltimore a month out...and when I told him I didn't like Kathi Griffin he told me, "well, I'd go to something you didn't like to support you." We didn't even know that much about each other for him to be making me feel guilty like that! Ladies, don't feel guilty, stick to your guns.

WHAT NOT TO SAY/DO: My favorite category...what not to say. Alright, you'd think this stuff was made up, but I need to say this, everything I am about to tell you is 100% true...it truly happened to me. Alright, one man, after one date, found out where I taught at (not by me) and sent me smiley face cookies on Valentine's Day. Then, the next time I saw him, he told me he loved me. We have a name for this: it's the thirsty man...the man who is so desperate for love, he is practically humping your leg from the moment you introduce yourself. This same fellow also had invisoline and would not stop talking about it...I mean, apologizing, commenting, asking me if I was OK with it. If you have an insecurity, please don't obsess over it; if I like you, I won't care!

Next guy, the overly protective guy: the one who pees on your leg to claim you as his without learning your last name...oh yes...He's a real keeper. I had one man become extremely jealous every time I told him I was hanging out with my roommate. In fact, when I took him to a party at my friend's house he questioned me about my whereabouts when I had gone to use the bathroom. Ladies, these are insecure men. They are over protective, territorial and controlling. Skip over clingy and move onto the next one.

Then, comes the grown man-child. Now, these guys aren't the worst...the previously explained two definitely take the cake; BUT they are difficult none the less. The grown man-child is one that is extremely immature; now don't get me wrong, I like a good fart joke but if the man you are dating talks more about the virtual world than he does the real world, he may need to grow up a little. This can also spill over into the still-in-college-frat-guy and the I-still-live-with-my-parents-at-the-age-of-30 categories but all of them are the same at their core...they need to grow up and be independent, working adults. You are not someone's mom and from my experience, you end up being one to them when you take them on.

The above mentioned men were all nice guys (all except one) so I don't want to rag on them too harshly...they just didn't know what they were doing...but who really does, anyway? BUT all of them shared this one thing in common, they all said to me in one form or another "I just don't understand why I'm still single". Well, boys, if you're clingy, insecure, obsessive, thirsty or  immature, not many women are attracted to that. Just chill out, be you, figure out what kind of a partner you need to best compliment who you are and relax (none of us know what we are doing, but fake it until you make it).