It's Holy Week, friends! This year, it's been an interesting Lenten ride for sure.
Last year, a wonderful, amazing, beautiful friend (yes, Kelsey, it's you) sent me this calendar to help with making Lent more meaningful. So this year, I decided to pick it up again, but 2013 style. (here's the link: http://bustedhalo.com/features/fast-pray-give-2013)
My favorite reflection so far was the one for February 25th. The quote by Danial Day Lewis is great, but the reflection hits me the most. His quote: "I like things that make you grit your teeth. I like tucking my chin in
and sort of leading into the storm." — Daniel Day-Lewis
The reflection:
FAST from making excuses for not getting a difficult task done.
PRAY for the courage to lean into an uncomfortable situation.
GIVE your support today to someone who is in a tough leadership position.
I think this one speaks to me because it's the skill I have always lacked the most. I always pray for God to speak through me and to help me speak the words He wants me to say; but I never specifically say, "hey look, big Guy, I need help with standing up for myself. I need help leaning into the storm."
Yet, during this Lenten season, I feel like so many little storms have popped up and I've had no choice but to lean into them. Sure, I tried to reroute and avoid the storms completely, but bottling them up or pushing them aside put me even deeper into a mess. When I think of nestling up to the difficult and ugly things in life (like standing up for myself against bullies, supervisors and acquaintances) I am scared straight.
About two weeks ago I had to stand up for myself and the mere thought of talking to this guy made me tremble. Before I called him, I looked at myself in the mirror and prayed, "God, speak through me and help me speak the words You want me to say; the words this guy needs to hear." Low and behold, I was still scared to call this dude, but courage was there; tenacity and strength were there and I didn't budge on my position one bit during our conversation. I can't help but think God gave me the words I needed to say because otherwise I would've been a bumbling idiot.
Subconsciously, I think I've always viewed standing up for myself as being difficult or mean or needy; and I've never wanted to be labeled as unkind. But in reality, upon reflection, I am realizing that in standing up for myself, I am honoring the principles and the person God created. I am respecting myself and the gift God made in me. Now, how is that unkind? How is that being mean? I think changing my outlook helps me to advocate for myself and helps me form stronger and better bonds with those around me.
So I guess this Lenten season's theme for me is courage. It should be a no brainer because Jesus had to have incredible courage to willingly be crucified but I have never thought of it that way. Jesus stood on his principles, stood up to bullies and supervisors and He is the reason for Lent. So in taking a page out of Daniel Day-Lewis' book, I am tucking my chin in and leaning into the storm.
***Lastly, the "Give" part of the reflection for Palm Sunday was "Tell three people why you love them today." When I'm done posting, I'm going to complete that challenge. I hope you will do the same.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Almost a Year
It's been almost a year since her 24th birthday.
Almost a year since kids laughed at her goofy dance moves.
Almost a year since her booming voice resonated with those around her.
Almost a year since she told a dirty joke.
Almost a year since she hugged a friend.
Almost a year since she kissed a boo-boo.
Almost a year since she called someone out for poor life choices.
Almost a year since her mother heard her voice.
Almost a year since she motivated friends to greatness.
Almost a year since I got an encouraging text from her.
Almost a year and it still hurts.
My dad told me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me: "Without a hurt, a heart feels hollow."
This particular hurt has been with me for almost a year now. And although the hurt has eased up a bit, she's still with me; especially with the anniversary just around the corner. It's crazy to think what Chantel would be doing now. She would've graduated from college, been a nurse, living hard and loving even harder. She'd be sprinting to her 25th birthday, embracing the landmark year and looking fabulous. It's even crazier to think of what she'd be saying to me.
Chantel was such a spit fire. She and I got along so well because we balanced each other out: she didn't take crap from anyone and I taught her patience. Between the two of us, we grew and learned a lot from one another. She was 5'0" but had the personality of a giant. She had opinions and wasn't afraid to let them be known to anyone at any volume. But she loved hard too. Oh, did she love.
The kids were everything to her. She was in charge of the older girls and it was obvious how much they looked up to her. They idolized her tenacity, her courage, her humor and her ability to talk to men like they were nothing to be afraid of. Who are we kidding? I envied her ability to do that as well.
We would probably be laughing and crying; two things we were very good at. We would probably be having a deep conversation about our dreams or goals or dumb decisions with men. She'd always tell me, usually with tears in her eyes, "Katie, you are the nicest person I have ever met and I am willing to butcher any man who takes advantage of your kindness." But that was Chantel, a sweet compliment with a side of irreverence. I truly loved her as a friend and try to carry some of her spunk with me. Whenever I feel on the verge of being a doormat to others, I think of her and what she would be yelling at me.
I can't believe she's been gone for a almost a year. I can't believe the hurt is still there, under 365 days of life since her death. But, I guess that hurt serves as an incredible reminder that my heart isn't hollow and will never be as long as I carry her tenacious spirit with me. I love and miss you today and every day, Channy, thank you for the life you lived and the spirit you left behind.
Almost a year since kids laughed at her goofy dance moves.
Almost a year since her booming voice resonated with those around her.
Almost a year since she told a dirty joke.
Almost a year since she hugged a friend.
Almost a year since she kissed a boo-boo.
Almost a year since she called someone out for poor life choices.
Almost a year since her mother heard her voice.
Almost a year since she motivated friends to greatness.
Almost a year since I got an encouraging text from her.
Almost a year and it still hurts.
My dad told me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me: "Without a hurt, a heart feels hollow."
This particular hurt has been with me for almost a year now. And although the hurt has eased up a bit, she's still with me; especially with the anniversary just around the corner. It's crazy to think what Chantel would be doing now. She would've graduated from college, been a nurse, living hard and loving even harder. She'd be sprinting to her 25th birthday, embracing the landmark year and looking fabulous. It's even crazier to think of what she'd be saying to me.
Chantel was such a spit fire. She and I got along so well because we balanced each other out: she didn't take crap from anyone and I taught her patience. Between the two of us, we grew and learned a lot from one another. She was 5'0" but had the personality of a giant. She had opinions and wasn't afraid to let them be known to anyone at any volume. But she loved hard too. Oh, did she love.
The kids were everything to her. She was in charge of the older girls and it was obvious how much they looked up to her. They idolized her tenacity, her courage, her humor and her ability to talk to men like they were nothing to be afraid of. Who are we kidding? I envied her ability to do that as well.
We would probably be laughing and crying; two things we were very good at. We would probably be having a deep conversation about our dreams or goals or dumb decisions with men. She'd always tell me, usually with tears in her eyes, "Katie, you are the nicest person I have ever met and I am willing to butcher any man who takes advantage of your kindness." But that was Chantel, a sweet compliment with a side of irreverence. I truly loved her as a friend and try to carry some of her spunk with me. Whenever I feel on the verge of being a doormat to others, I think of her and what she would be yelling at me.
I can't believe she's been gone for a almost a year. I can't believe the hurt is still there, under 365 days of life since her death. But, I guess that hurt serves as an incredible reminder that my heart isn't hollow and will never be as long as I carry her tenacious spirit with me. I love and miss you today and every day, Channy, thank you for the life you lived and the spirit you left behind.
 | |
| 3/16/1988 - 3/17/2012 |
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Investing in Service
It's Sunday! And I am actually posting on time this time! hahaha...
This week we had a campus wide staff meeting about our school's expansion. If you don't know, my school is expanding their charter and will add 1st grade next year, 2nd grade in 2014 and so on, all the way up to 5th grade. So the meeting was held to inform us on the changes and served as an opportunity to ask questions and brainstorm ideas for the school's future.
About an hour into the meeting, the founder of my school split our 45-person staff into four groups to discuss four major topics. Each group was assigned one topic. My topic: Embracing Diversity. As we started discussing the ways to cultivate awareness and pride in each culture in our school, we also discussed how special needs seminars and workshops should be offered as well to help educate the people (including staff) of our school.
Once that streamline of thought started to fizzle out, I suggested social justice and what that could look like in terms of diversity of world views and societal views to our kids. The founder of my school was sitting in on this part of the conversation and she asked me to expand on my thought process.
After two years of being engrossed in social justice and spreading knowledge and stories of experience, I jumped at the opportunity to take the floor. So I dove in. I explained how as teachers we are more than educators of academics but we also want to raise kind, thoughtful, giving, socially aware human beings as well. I through some ideas out there like: campus wide dedication to service. For example: Kindergarten writes letters every month to different nursing homes, veterans hospitals, etc. 1st Grade: Cleans up the school or neighborhood. and it keeps going until they get to 4th or 5th Grade where, the ball is now in their court and they have to brainstorm a service project to plan out and implement...i.e. coat drives, getting stop signs put up in areas that need them, etc.
The founder of my school started to get really excited about this and asked me if we could even take it a step further and develop a curriculum around what social justice is. I felt on fire with ideas and starting spitting out: well, we could have different populations each month like homelessness, the environment, the elderly, low income children, immigration, gender equality, etc. The founder of my school pulled me aside after the meeting and asked if I wanted to sit on the committee for this topic and I emphatically agreed.
To get to my point. Through my time with Agape, I realized how much children can do and how little we think they can do. I always underestimate the power of a child; but to be perfectly frank , their idealism, their creativity, their excitement, their lack of bitterness (that comes with aging) is what will change the world for the better. I don't want to wait until kids are 15 to start promoting social justice driven actions, I want to start at 5. I want a 5-year-old to look at a homeless person and think, "wait, I learned about this in school...he's just like me;" instead of whatever stereotype that could possibly be ingrained into their brains thereafter. I want to beat the stereotype to the punch. I want to invest in kindness and love for ones neighbor as much as we invest in reading, writing and math. Because what good are the academia if the person is selfish, rude, mean and uncaring of others' sufferings?
I am excited to begin working on the curriculum and brainstorming ideas and projects and lessons that will shape the attitudes these kids have about the marginalized and the poor. I'm excited to invest in service and I think I might've found my future career path...who knows...but this framework really gives me energy and excitement. Stay tuned!
This week we had a campus wide staff meeting about our school's expansion. If you don't know, my school is expanding their charter and will add 1st grade next year, 2nd grade in 2014 and so on, all the way up to 5th grade. So the meeting was held to inform us on the changes and served as an opportunity to ask questions and brainstorm ideas for the school's future.
About an hour into the meeting, the founder of my school split our 45-person staff into four groups to discuss four major topics. Each group was assigned one topic. My topic: Embracing Diversity. As we started discussing the ways to cultivate awareness and pride in each culture in our school, we also discussed how special needs seminars and workshops should be offered as well to help educate the people (including staff) of our school.
Once that streamline of thought started to fizzle out, I suggested social justice and what that could look like in terms of diversity of world views and societal views to our kids. The founder of my school was sitting in on this part of the conversation and she asked me to expand on my thought process.
After two years of being engrossed in social justice and spreading knowledge and stories of experience, I jumped at the opportunity to take the floor. So I dove in. I explained how as teachers we are more than educators of academics but we also want to raise kind, thoughtful, giving, socially aware human beings as well. I through some ideas out there like: campus wide dedication to service. For example: Kindergarten writes letters every month to different nursing homes, veterans hospitals, etc. 1st Grade: Cleans up the school or neighborhood. and it keeps going until they get to 4th or 5th Grade where, the ball is now in their court and they have to brainstorm a service project to plan out and implement...i.e. coat drives, getting stop signs put up in areas that need them, etc.
The founder of my school started to get really excited about this and asked me if we could even take it a step further and develop a curriculum around what social justice is. I felt on fire with ideas and starting spitting out: well, we could have different populations each month like homelessness, the environment, the elderly, low income children, immigration, gender equality, etc. The founder of my school pulled me aside after the meeting and asked if I wanted to sit on the committee for this topic and I emphatically agreed.
To get to my point. Through my time with Agape, I realized how much children can do and how little we think they can do. I always underestimate the power of a child; but to be perfectly frank , their idealism, their creativity, their excitement, their lack of bitterness (that comes with aging) is what will change the world for the better. I don't want to wait until kids are 15 to start promoting social justice driven actions, I want to start at 5. I want a 5-year-old to look at a homeless person and think, "wait, I learned about this in school...he's just like me;" instead of whatever stereotype that could possibly be ingrained into their brains thereafter. I want to beat the stereotype to the punch. I want to invest in kindness and love for ones neighbor as much as we invest in reading, writing and math. Because what good are the academia if the person is selfish, rude, mean and uncaring of others' sufferings?
I am excited to begin working on the curriculum and brainstorming ideas and projects and lessons that will shape the attitudes these kids have about the marginalized and the poor. I'm excited to invest in service and I think I might've found my future career path...who knows...but this framework really gives me energy and excitement. Stay tuned!
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