Now, I know when people think of DC transportation they usually think about biking or metro-ing. Well, my friends, I tried biking and failed miserably...no need to try and comfort me, I have accepted the fact that I am neither a city biker nor a mountain biker (strictly a training wheel, suburban biker here). AND metro-ing is insanely expensive in DC. Therefore, I am a buser (a muggle as Colleen would say).
In my two-year long career as an avid bus-rider I have witnessed and experienced a plethora of interesting people and of course, as many young people do, I feel that entitles me to have an opinion on busing etiquette.
Things That Bother Me (and yes, I realize this makes me sounds a million years old):
- Youngins' playing their rap music crazy loud on the bus. Get headphones or don't listen. I heard the "n" word at least 12 times today in one young man's choice of music...I don't want to hear that and I'm sure the 70-year-old women next to me didn't want to either.
-People who talk on speaker phone on the bus. I mean, really? No one wants to hear the gossip about Tiffany hooking up with Angela's boyfriend on loudspeaker; just as much as I don't want to hear your wife telling you what you need to buy at the store. Turn off speakerphone.
-People who are so self-consumed, they don't move to the back of the bus so people don't have to have their noses in someone's armpit. No one likes that, both the owner of the nose and the arm-pit owner. As a short person, this happens to me all the time and it could be remedied if the one bo-zo blocking the way would just continue walking to the back of the bus.
-Youngins' who don't even offer their seat when an elderly person, disabled person or mother with children gets on the bus. OR people who are skinnier than I who intentionally sit in the middle of the two seats and don't scoot over when it begins to get crowded on the bus...you don't need two seats, dude, you weigh 100lbs. soaking wet; I know guys like to sprawl out their legs to let their "man parts" breathe or whatever but close your legs, stop being a jerk and share your seats. Same thing if you have your purse, ladies, it doesn't need a seat either...put it on your lap.
-People sitting in the aisle seat who don't get up when it's your stop. Instead, they just swing their legs over to the aisle and make you climb over them as you try to exit the bus. Come on, people, don't be rude and lazy, just get up and let me off...you don't want my butt in your face and I don't want to slip and land in your lap.
-People who are pigs on the bus. It says don't eat or drink, but heck, I do it. Just don't be a pig. I don't want to sit in your squished Cheeto stained seat after your done. AND (this really happened to Emily and I) do not defecate on the bus and hide it somewhere. From experience, once the bus driver finds it, they kick everyone off and the bus goes out of service...plus it's just nasty; not the kind of present we want to find.
Things I Like About the Bus:
-Talking to strangers. When people are friendly and actually strike up conversation, it's awesome. Makes my bus riding experience 10 times better and we both learn a lot that way. I learned about public pools, directions, grocery stores and thrift shops that were hidden in DC. So start talking, you never know what you might discover.
-The bus drivers can be really awesome. I had one that I saw every morning when I went to school on the 7:17am bus and he learned my name and said "good morning" to me each day. In the rare occasion I took an earlier or later bus, he'd notice too. Such a sweet man.
-It's cheaper than the metro, more direct than the metro and takes you through the city whereas the metro goes underground so you don't get to see any of the city.
-Sometimes has air conditioning and heat. 'Nuf said.
I just wanted to shed some light on the busing adventures in DC. I love to bus, but sometimes, it can be frustrating when people aren't considerate of others.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Heavy Hearted Question
Tonight I am writing with a heavy heart. I don't want my blog to be the birthplace of controversy or to stir up negative emotions but I can't get this out of my head (nor will the media let me).
Picture this:
A guy, in a navy blue hoodie his Grandma bought him for his birthday two weeks ago, walks to a convenient store to get some Starbursts for his little sister...she had been bugging him all week about those stupid Starbursts. After he pays, he thanks the cashier and walks home. He even holds the door open for another customer as she enters. As he's heading home, it's a little chilly, so he puts on his hood. After a little bit, he hears a car creeping behind him. Sure he's just hallucinating or paranoid, he keeps walking...but then he continues to hear it. He clears his blond locks out of his sight and looks over his shoulder only to see a car stopped with its lights on. As strange as it is, it's a sleepy town so he doesn't think much of it and keeps walking. He's the captain of the soccer team for goodness sakes, he can handle this, but he still has a funny feeling about the car so he calls his girlfriend and says, "hey, I think someone is following me." She tells him to run. So he begins to sprint and the car speeds up. He looks over his shoulder again, hair flopping in his face, to see a man getting out of his car, charging him. He turns around to face the man, because he can't run forever and the man starts to punch him. They exchange blows until the man pulls out his gun and the final blow is given. The captain of the soccer team is dead.
You probably knew what I was alluding to once you reached the part about Starbursts...
Trayvon Martin.
Now, before I ruffle any feathers, I have to say... I am against ANY violence; to animals to adults to children to trees; in riots, in justifiable homicide, in war and in "stand your ground" cases. Murder is murder and killing is killing; even if it is within the law to do so. Anyone who kills should go to jail, in my opinion. But that's not what I'm writing about tonight.
In this scenario, I depicted the Starburst wielding boy as a white kid. If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, "this wasn't about race" when talking about the Trayvon Martin case, I would be a wealthy, wealthy lady. It is about race; it's always about race. Our country has race deeply ingrained into everything it thinks, says or does. Humor me for a second...
I will never know what it feels like to have a woman clutch her purse and move away from me when I stand next to her on the bus. I will never know what it feels like to hear car doors lock as I pass by on the sidewalk. I will never know what it feels like to be followed in a store by a clerk. I will never know what it feels like to have someone cross the street when they see me up ahead. These are realities for black men. I had a friend in Bridgeport who told me very casually as if it was nothing, that these above listed things happened to him daily and had been happening to him since he was 10. SINCE HE WAS 10! Race is always there and it was there the night Trayvon was killed. This is about race.
Tell me, did you feel sorry for the captain of soccer team that I just depicted? It's OK if you did, heck, I did. I anticipate that if it was a white kid instead of a black kid who was killed, this is the kind of story we would've gotten from the media. Not one depicting him as a "thug" or "fighter" or splitting hairs over whether he was a "boy" or a "man". It would've been a different story and it would've had a different outcome. Dare I say, I even believe this above mentioned story would've remained fiction because Zimmerman wouldn't have followed a white boy home in the first place?
Now, I;m left with a heavy heart because I hate violence, a family lost their son and because racism is still alive today, deep down (we all scurry to lock our car doors from time to time). But also because I am white. I have dated black men, taught black children, comforted and found housing for black adults and laughed and danced with black senior citizens but I am still white. No matter how hard I want to push away or ignore the underlying race divide, it's there. Our country was founded on racial divides and our justice system is insanely broken. For example, "people of color make up about 30 percent of the United States’ population, they account for 60 percent of those imprisoned" and "one in three black men will go to prison in their lifetime" (http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/race/news/2012/03/13/11351/the-top-10-most-startling-facts-about-people-of-color-and-criminal-justice-in-the-united-states/). These are facts. It's about race.
So I'm left asking myself, in this tragedy and the many that are happening even as I type, what can I do?
(What sparked this post was this article about Barack Obama, take a read if you have a moment: http://nbcpolitics.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/07/19/19563211-obama-trayvon-martin-could-have-been-me-35-years-ago?lite . Per usual, he says it better than I.)
Picture this:
A guy, in a navy blue hoodie his Grandma bought him for his birthday two weeks ago, walks to a convenient store to get some Starbursts for his little sister...she had been bugging him all week about those stupid Starbursts. After he pays, he thanks the cashier and walks home. He even holds the door open for another customer as she enters. As he's heading home, it's a little chilly, so he puts on his hood. After a little bit, he hears a car creeping behind him. Sure he's just hallucinating or paranoid, he keeps walking...but then he continues to hear it. He clears his blond locks out of his sight and looks over his shoulder only to see a car stopped with its lights on. As strange as it is, it's a sleepy town so he doesn't think much of it and keeps walking. He's the captain of the soccer team for goodness sakes, he can handle this, but he still has a funny feeling about the car so he calls his girlfriend and says, "hey, I think someone is following me." She tells him to run. So he begins to sprint and the car speeds up. He looks over his shoulder again, hair flopping in his face, to see a man getting out of his car, charging him. He turns around to face the man, because he can't run forever and the man starts to punch him. They exchange blows until the man pulls out his gun and the final blow is given. The captain of the soccer team is dead.
You probably knew what I was alluding to once you reached the part about Starbursts...
Trayvon Martin.
Now, before I ruffle any feathers, I have to say... I am against ANY violence; to animals to adults to children to trees; in riots, in justifiable homicide, in war and in "stand your ground" cases. Murder is murder and killing is killing; even if it is within the law to do so. Anyone who kills should go to jail, in my opinion. But that's not what I'm writing about tonight.
In this scenario, I depicted the Starburst wielding boy as a white kid. If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, "this wasn't about race" when talking about the Trayvon Martin case, I would be a wealthy, wealthy lady. It is about race; it's always about race. Our country has race deeply ingrained into everything it thinks, says or does. Humor me for a second...
I will never know what it feels like to have a woman clutch her purse and move away from me when I stand next to her on the bus. I will never know what it feels like to hear car doors lock as I pass by on the sidewalk. I will never know what it feels like to be followed in a store by a clerk. I will never know what it feels like to have someone cross the street when they see me up ahead. These are realities for black men. I had a friend in Bridgeport who told me very casually as if it was nothing, that these above listed things happened to him daily and had been happening to him since he was 10. SINCE HE WAS 10! Race is always there and it was there the night Trayvon was killed. This is about race.
Tell me, did you feel sorry for the captain of soccer team that I just depicted? It's OK if you did, heck, I did. I anticipate that if it was a white kid instead of a black kid who was killed, this is the kind of story we would've gotten from the media. Not one depicting him as a "thug" or "fighter" or splitting hairs over whether he was a "boy" or a "man". It would've been a different story and it would've had a different outcome. Dare I say, I even believe this above mentioned story would've remained fiction because Zimmerman wouldn't have followed a white boy home in the first place?
Now, I;m left with a heavy heart because I hate violence, a family lost their son and because racism is still alive today, deep down (we all scurry to lock our car doors from time to time). But also because I am white. I have dated black men, taught black children, comforted and found housing for black adults and laughed and danced with black senior citizens but I am still white. No matter how hard I want to push away or ignore the underlying race divide, it's there. Our country was founded on racial divides and our justice system is insanely broken. For example, "people of color make up about 30 percent of the United States’ population, they account for 60 percent of those imprisoned" and "one in three black men will go to prison in their lifetime" (http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/race/news/2012/03/13/11351/the-top-10-most-startling-facts-about-people-of-color-and-criminal-justice-in-the-united-states/). These are facts. It's about race.
So I'm left asking myself, in this tragedy and the many that are happening even as I type, what can I do?
(What sparked this post was this article about Barack Obama, take a read if you have a moment: http://nbcpolitics.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/07/19/19563211-obama-trayvon-martin-could-have-been-me-35-years-ago?lite . Per usual, he says it better than I.)
Friday, July 12, 2013
You Asked for It...Part 1
Alright, my friends, I have had many people ask me to share my thoughts
on this certain subject and tonight is the night I appease those
people...I am going to change up the pace and write a reflective piece
on my dating escapades from the past six months. It only seems fair that
after six months of being set up and from my personal online dating, I
reflect on the knowledge I have gained throughout the process.
What I have Learned About Men:
PRE-DATE DO NOT SAY: So I'd say since I started my dating journey back in January, I have dated maybe, ten men...as in gone on dates with ten men. BUT there have been a handful (like five) that didn't even get a date because of pre-date conversations. Here is what they did:
-They...were too aggressive. Some wanted my number within two hours of messaging back and forth online...slow your roll and calm down...we got all the time in the world.
-They...wanted inappropriate pictures of me on their phones...OK, I'm a Kindergarten teacher, are you kidding me with that?
-They...made crazy plans for dates four months away before we'd even met...whoa there, buck-o, let's get date number one out of the way first.
-Mainly they were too aggressive in all aspects of the word...wanted too much too soon.
WHERE NOT TO TAKE ME: Alright, so I had some pretty bad dates which actually is what made my friends push me to write this segment of my blog...the worst date was probably the walk around the monuments...IN JANUARY! It was freezing, he doddled and wanted to stop and look at everything so when it was all said and done, we walked for five hours around the tidal basin...then we went to dinner. A 9-HOUR date?!?!?!?!?! Who does that? I was exhausted and didn't even want to look at him anymore after that...and that was our first date. Another guy (after one date) wanted to take me to a Kathi Griffin show in Baltimore a month out...and when I told him I didn't like Kathi Griffin he told me, "well, I'd go to something you didn't like to support you." We didn't even know that much about each other for him to be making me feel guilty like that! Ladies, don't feel guilty, stick to your guns.
WHAT NOT TO SAY/DO: My favorite category...what not to say. Alright, you'd think this stuff was made up, but I need to say this, everything I am about to tell you is 100% true...it truly happened to me. Alright, one man, after one date, found out where I taught at (not by me) and sent me smiley face cookies on Valentine's Day. Then, the next time I saw him, he told me he loved me. We have a name for this: it's the thirsty man...the man who is so desperate for love, he is practically humping your leg from the moment you introduce yourself. This same fellow also had invisoline and would not stop talking about it...I mean, apologizing, commenting, asking me if I was OK with it. If you have an insecurity, please don't obsess over it; if I like you, I won't care!
Next guy, the overly protective guy: the one who pees on your leg to claim you as his without learning your last name...oh yes...He's a real keeper. I had one man become extremely jealous every time I told him I was hanging out with my roommate. In fact, when I took him to a party at my friend's house he questioned me about my whereabouts when I had gone to use the bathroom. Ladies, these are insecure men. They are over protective, territorial and controlling. Skip over clingy and move onto the next one.
Then, comes the grown man-child. Now, these guys aren't the worst...the previously explained two definitely take the cake; BUT they are difficult none the less. The grown man-child is one that is extremely immature; now don't get me wrong, I like a good fart joke but if the man you are dating talks more about the virtual world than he does the real world, he may need to grow up a little. This can also spill over into the still-in-college-frat-guy and the I-still-live-with-my-parents-at-the-age-of-30 categories but all of them are the same at their core...they need to grow up and be independent, working adults. You are not someone's mom and from my experience, you end up being one to them when you take them on.
The above mentioned men were all nice guys (all except one) so I don't want to rag on them too harshly...they just didn't know what they were doing...but who really does, anyway? BUT all of them shared this one thing in common, they all said to me in one form or another "I just don't understand why I'm still single". Well, boys, if you're clingy, insecure, obsessive, thirsty or immature, not many women are attracted to that. Just chill out, be you, figure out what kind of a partner you need to best compliment who you are and relax (none of us know what we are doing, but fake it until you make it).
You Asked For It...Part 2
What I have Learned About Myself:
APPAREL: Ladies, when going on a first date, things to consider: your outfit; does it represent me well? Wearing a tube top and go go boots would turn heads, but not represent my personality very well...I'm afraid it might set my date up for false expectations for the future so what I do is: wear my best "butt jeans" (you know what these are), my Toms (because they say, hey look, I'm fun and I like to give back), a nicer/fancier tank top (this, I usually borrow from my roommate and it doesn't show too much skin, but makes me look like I wasn't trying too hard) and a cardigan (usually my blue one to bring out my eyes). Now, choosing hair up, hair down, what have you; I usually go with hair down...men like it when your hair is down...I think it goes back to primal stuff.Go easy on the make-up...you don't want to look like Bo-Zo the clown and if you're like me, pack your deodorant in your purse...because you're going to sweat...a lot.
DATE CHOICE: Alright, so I HATE dinner dates. I think they are a waste of time and money. I'd much rather go do something that shows off one of our personalities...like cooking together or visiting a bar or seeing a museum...then you don't have a set in stone time frame (if the date is going poorly) and you don't have to stare at each other eating for an hour. I like to be creative with dates...I like to be in a neutral zone, location wise, that way you both are out of your comfort zone. AND please, make sure you meet there...do NOT have him pick you up if you've never met him before; you start to head into the creepy zone if you do that...be safe, ladies.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: Now, the big no-nos are always: politics, ex-boyfriends and your "intimate" details. BUT I want to add to the list: how much money you make (no one is impressed, so stop bragging), how many people you've killed or want to kill, how many hours of video games you played today, telling your date you love them, what your wedding dress is going to look like and lastly, how many dates you turned down to be on this one.All of these topics have been brought up in various ways throughout my six month voyage and I'm still single so clearly these topics should be avoided.
WHAT TO SAY: It's important to say, I always give my date a hug when I see him...I think it says, "hey, I'm friendly and welcoming without even knowing you." But do whatever you feel comfortable with. Then, we go on with the date. DO talk about your work in brief detail. DO share where you dreams and goals lie. DO talk about where you're from and your family. DO share stories...people remember stories better than they do facts...I could care less what your favorite color is on our first date. DO talk about your likes and dislikes...TV shows, movies, places you've visited (without boasting), activities, book, etc. DO make sure you ask follow up questions to your date...don't let the conversation flop around like a fish out of water, you're in control, you're 25 and talk to people every day...this dude is no different. DO be honest...if you don't like scary movies, say so; if you hate spicy food, say so...just because he likes it doesn't mean you have to. In addition to honesty, after you part ways, be honest with yourself about whether you want to see him again...I usually always give guys a second date because I understand nerves get the best of people on the first date BUT if you KNOW you're not feeling it because he says somethings like, "I keep all my dead pets in a mason jar" then respectfully tell him no thanks and move on.
Finally, my dad gave me the best advice: Stop looking for a boyfriend or a husband. Find a friend...look for a friend because aren't you interested in being with your best friend forever?
Peace and Good Luck!
APPAREL: Ladies, when going on a first date, things to consider: your outfit; does it represent me well? Wearing a tube top and go go boots would turn heads, but not represent my personality very well...I'm afraid it might set my date up for false expectations for the future so what I do is: wear my best "butt jeans" (you know what these are), my Toms (because they say, hey look, I'm fun and I like to give back), a nicer/fancier tank top (this, I usually borrow from my roommate and it doesn't show too much skin, but makes me look like I wasn't trying too hard) and a cardigan (usually my blue one to bring out my eyes). Now, choosing hair up, hair down, what have you; I usually go with hair down...men like it when your hair is down...I think it goes back to primal stuff.Go easy on the make-up...you don't want to look like Bo-Zo the clown and if you're like me, pack your deodorant in your purse...because you're going to sweat...a lot.
DATE CHOICE: Alright, so I HATE dinner dates. I think they are a waste of time and money. I'd much rather go do something that shows off one of our personalities...like cooking together or visiting a bar or seeing a museum...then you don't have a set in stone time frame (if the date is going poorly) and you don't have to stare at each other eating for an hour. I like to be creative with dates...I like to be in a neutral zone, location wise, that way you both are out of your comfort zone. AND please, make sure you meet there...do NOT have him pick you up if you've never met him before; you start to head into the creepy zone if you do that...be safe, ladies.
WHAT NOT TO SAY: Now, the big no-nos are always: politics, ex-boyfriends and your "intimate" details. BUT I want to add to the list: how much money you make (no one is impressed, so stop bragging), how many people you've killed or want to kill, how many hours of video games you played today, telling your date you love them, what your wedding dress is going to look like and lastly, how many dates you turned down to be on this one.All of these topics have been brought up in various ways throughout my six month voyage and I'm still single so clearly these topics should be avoided.
WHAT TO SAY: It's important to say, I always give my date a hug when I see him...I think it says, "hey, I'm friendly and welcoming without even knowing you." But do whatever you feel comfortable with. Then, we go on with the date. DO talk about your work in brief detail. DO share where you dreams and goals lie. DO talk about where you're from and your family. DO share stories...people remember stories better than they do facts...I could care less what your favorite color is on our first date. DO talk about your likes and dislikes...TV shows, movies, places you've visited (without boasting), activities, book, etc. DO make sure you ask follow up questions to your date...don't let the conversation flop around like a fish out of water, you're in control, you're 25 and talk to people every day...this dude is no different. DO be honest...if you don't like scary movies, say so; if you hate spicy food, say so...just because he likes it doesn't mean you have to. In addition to honesty, after you part ways, be honest with yourself about whether you want to see him again...I usually always give guys a second date because I understand nerves get the best of people on the first date BUT if you KNOW you're not feeling it because he says somethings like, "I keep all my dead pets in a mason jar" then respectfully tell him no thanks and move on.
Finally, my dad gave me the best advice: Stop looking for a boyfriend or a husband. Find a friend...look for a friend because aren't you interested in being with your best friend forever?
Peace and Good Luck!
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