There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I am learning, I am constantly growing and developing as a person. My newest lesson I'm learning how to grieve. I lost a friend this past weekend; the Shehan Center lost a great role model and the world lost a bright star. She pushed me to be myself and stand up for myself and always believed in me. She taught me the dance moves to "Super Bass" by Nikki Minaj and "Girls" by Beyonce. She always made fun of my "whiteness" but also appreciated me for it. She was a strong, beautiful, wonderful human being who always danced like no one was watching.
The whys, the what-ifs, the hows have faded by now and am I now left with an tiny empty spot, where my friend used to fill. Through the moments of sadness and the moments she pops into my head throughout my day, I feel like my faith has only gotten stronger because of her tragic passing.
Sunday and Monday were difficult but as I looked at my schedule for the week ahead of me, I noticed a trend. Each day, God's hand was carrying me along the way because I had some form of support visiting my house each day. Bill was Tuesday, my spiritual director was Wednesday, my local support people were Thursday and my JVC supervisor was Friday-Monday. God's hand and whole being was actively working in my life. Although I am mourning her passing and missing her; I have an overwhelming feeling that I am being taken care of. My core is free-er, more open, more willing to let God lead me; to let God carry me.
I was telling my spiritual director yesterday that I have never felt this kind of peace before. My soul has relinquished control and offered everything up to God and I've never felt that before. My heart feels open; broken, but open, and ready for God to drive for a while. I've never felt that kind of relaxation and peace before.
My spiritual director kept asking me, "where is God in that? Where did you feel or see God in that?" This is how I choose to remember my friend, this is how I choose to honor and celebrate her life: I will see God in "it", I will strive to find God in all things and dance like no one is watching.
RIP Chantel Osorio ~ March 16, 1987 - March 17, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Learning How to Sit Shot Gun
Either with my community mates, friends back home, family or co-workers, all have requested more stories; all have asked me to share the stories of the people in my life. I could write a novel (and I'm trying to) of all the people I've met and all the interesting things I've seen. I couldn't create or fabricate some of the interesting things I see every day at my workplace; for instance: One man's most prized possession is his Captain America shield he carries on his backpack (it's life size) or another man only wants articles and information from Wikipedia, all other sources are untrustworthy or another man asks for two spaceship pictures off the Internet every day and once he gets them, he sits with them, admiring his accomplishment.
It's an interesting world I get to be a part of but I think it's important for me to remember that in each quirky character trait and interesting nuance, they are people; they are people with souls, spirits and hearts.
Yesterday I was walking with my roommate to church and we passed by Martha's Table, a family outreach center that does a TON of social service work in the city. We walked by a line of people (probably about 15 people long) and I recognized a guest from Miriam's waiting in line. He saw me and hid his face, I mean immediately averted his glance to the brick wall to his left instead of looking at me; now, I'm not sure if it was because he thought he was a traitor for going to another agency for help or because he was down right embarrassed to be recognized by me. I like to think it was the later of the two though.
This little interaction reminded me that these "stories", these guests I have the privilege to meet, are people. They have feelings and probably don't want some 20-something white girl calling them out in a crowd when they are already having to be more than slightly humiliated by standing in line for services anyway. I often find myself wrestling with whether or not I should publicly recognize guests I see on the street because of how they may react. I guess, at the end of the day, the only thing I can do is smile and let them make the move, let them be in the driver seat and allow myself to sit shot gun.
It's an interesting world I get to be a part of but I think it's important for me to remember that in each quirky character trait and interesting nuance, they are people; they are people with souls, spirits and hearts.
Yesterday I was walking with my roommate to church and we passed by Martha's Table, a family outreach center that does a TON of social service work in the city. We walked by a line of people (probably about 15 people long) and I recognized a guest from Miriam's waiting in line. He saw me and hid his face, I mean immediately averted his glance to the brick wall to his left instead of looking at me; now, I'm not sure if it was because he thought he was a traitor for going to another agency for help or because he was down right embarrassed to be recognized by me. I like to think it was the later of the two though.
This little interaction reminded me that these "stories", these guests I have the privilege to meet, are people. They have feelings and probably don't want some 20-something white girl calling them out in a crowd when they are already having to be more than slightly humiliated by standing in line for services anyway. I often find myself wrestling with whether or not I should publicly recognize guests I see on the street because of how they may react. I guess, at the end of the day, the only thing I can do is smile and let them make the move, let them be in the driver seat and allow myself to sit shot gun.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
"The Best Curve on a Woman is Her Smile." - MK Guest
What a difference a kind word makes. "Good Morning" is the challenge and smiling is the name of the game.
At my placement, I have been bequeathed the nickname "Smiley". I never really understood what made my smile more impactful than someone else's to warrant the nickname, but I went with it. After about two months at this placement, I have noticed my smiling has been on the decline the busier I get. It seems amid the chaos, the first casualty is my smile.
In an effort to truly deserve my new nickname and revive my old smiling ways, I have made a conscious effort to smile more often and at more people throughout my day. When I am just standing at the desk, waiting for the bus or just presenting a "relaxed face", I stop myself and force myself to smile.
One afternoon, I was standing at the front desk (day eight of "Operation Smile 2012") and a guest came up to me. He began talking to me and telling me about his legal troubles and issues he's recently been having as a homeless man in DC. This guest is one of my favorites and I really enjoy talking to him. As I am speaking with him he interrupts his entire story and says, "ya know, Katie, I have to tell you; yesterday I was having a really crumby day...and I mean down right awful and I walked through those doors into the dining room and saw you at the front desk smiling and all of a sudden, my day didn't seem so bad. I just wanted to thank you for that." Of course, this elicited a huge smile from me and I responded, "well, thank you, I figured it's the least I can do!" He laughed and said, "I once heard the quote, 'the best curve on a woman's body is her smile' and now I know it's true. Don't stop smiling because it helps me."
I am not sharing this story to make people go, "ohhh, isn't she a saint?" I am sharing this story to help spread awareness and invite more people to join "Operation Smile 2012" in an effort to make people's days better. It's amazing how smiling can even make you feel more upbeat! Start small, notice when you're having down time, or waiting to cross the street or waiting in line at the store, smile. Have your relaxed face be a smiling one because you never know who's watching and if you're really feeling daring, say "Good morning or afternoon" to a stranger. It's amazing how much it can impact a life. :)
At my placement, I have been bequeathed the nickname "Smiley". I never really understood what made my smile more impactful than someone else's to warrant the nickname, but I went with it. After about two months at this placement, I have noticed my smiling has been on the decline the busier I get. It seems amid the chaos, the first casualty is my smile.
In an effort to truly deserve my new nickname and revive my old smiling ways, I have made a conscious effort to smile more often and at more people throughout my day. When I am just standing at the desk, waiting for the bus or just presenting a "relaxed face", I stop myself and force myself to smile.
One afternoon, I was standing at the front desk (day eight of "Operation Smile 2012") and a guest came up to me. He began talking to me and telling me about his legal troubles and issues he's recently been having as a homeless man in DC. This guest is one of my favorites and I really enjoy talking to him. As I am speaking with him he interrupts his entire story and says, "ya know, Katie, I have to tell you; yesterday I was having a really crumby day...and I mean down right awful and I walked through those doors into the dining room and saw you at the front desk smiling and all of a sudden, my day didn't seem so bad. I just wanted to thank you for that." Of course, this elicited a huge smile from me and I responded, "well, thank you, I figured it's the least I can do!" He laughed and said, "I once heard the quote, 'the best curve on a woman's body is her smile' and now I know it's true. Don't stop smiling because it helps me."
I am not sharing this story to make people go, "ohhh, isn't she a saint?" I am sharing this story to help spread awareness and invite more people to join "Operation Smile 2012" in an effort to make people's days better. It's amazing how smiling can even make you feel more upbeat! Start small, notice when you're having down time, or waiting to cross the street or waiting in line at the store, smile. Have your relaxed face be a smiling one because you never know who's watching and if you're really feeling daring, say "Good morning or afternoon" to a stranger. It's amazing how much it can impact a life. :)
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