I'm Your Boogie Man

Lyrics taken from: "I'm Your Boogie Man" by KC and the Sunshine Band

*Saturday, Oct. 29, 2011: I am grateful for flexibility and fun with good people. Today was a busy day. We woke up really early to support HIV/AIDS Awareness Day in DC. Two of my roommates ran in the 5K early Saturday morning and they did great despite the stinky weather! Then, we all walked in the HIV/AIDS walk. The weather was gross, we got soaked, but it was a wonderful morning. Then, Colleen, Cara and I made our way to Baltimore for the Newark Halloween party. It was a crazy afternoon of travel and fighting snow storms and TONS of flexibility with our scheduling/travel but we made it to Newark safely. In Newark we got to hang out with a lot of JVs we hadn't seen since Orientation and it was great. It was a fun night of laughter, socializing and friendship. I am grateful for the gifts of flexibility and fun.



*Sunday, Oct. 30, 2011: Today, I am reminded of how thankful I am for reliability. I am thankful for reliable friends and family, who do what they say they are going to do, when they say they are going to do it. Because of our dependency on other people for a ride home from Newark, we were at their mercy for the 17 hours we were with them. When they decided it was time to drive the 4 hours back to Baltimore at 5am, we had to go with them or we'd be screwed so we left. We were on the road longer than we were actually in Newark...crazy. Anywho, it made me appreciate the reliability of my family and close friends/roommates. I appreciate people who are dependable, reliable and considerate of others' time. I am very grateful for those qualities in my family and friends today.

*Monday, Oct. 31, 2011: Happy Halloween!!! I am thankful for creativity and a child-like heart today. Although today especially makes me miss my kids back in Bridgeport, I still am trying to spread the Halloween fun by dressing up in my costume once more (Woody from Toy Story) tonight for any children that may come to our door, watching a semi-scary but not really Halloween movie and eating as much Halloween candy as I possibly can consume! I am thankful for my roommate, Colleen and her and my shared personality traits of a child-like heart and creativity with our costumes. When living on a strict budget, you have to be creative with pulling off your costume for Halloween and I feel like we did it well! I hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween! Bwa-ha-ha!!!

Go on and Put Your Hands Up, When Times are Hard You Stand Up

"...One in the air for the people that ain’t here.
Two in the air for the father that’s there.
Three in the air for the kids in the ghetto.
Four for the kids who don’t wanna be there.
None for the n-ggas trying to hold them back.
Five in the air for the teacher not scared to tell those kids that’s living in the ghetto that the n-ggas holdin back that the World is theirs!"

Lyrics today brought to you by Lupe Fiasco's "Show Goes On"...probably one of the most inspirational and motivating songs out there right now.

*Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2011: I am grateful for networking. It's strange that I've never really networked before living in DC but I am finding that networking is basically the only way to get anywhere in this city. Today I had a meeting with someone who I think is going to be a huge ally of mine. He is a volunteer advocate for seniors in DC, specifically Ward 2 (my ward). He and I met today and discussed HIV/AIDS Prevention programs, making a committee of all seniors (so they can advocate for themselves) and just sharing resources as far as aging goes (more networking!). I am so thankful for this gift God has placed in my lap in the form of this 60-something-year-old man who just wants to make our society care more about the aging population. He is so passionate and proactive and KNOWLEDGEABLE about issues with the policies regarding (or not regarding) seniors; which is going to be such an asset for me! Thank the Lord for him!!!

*Wednesday, Oct. 26, 2011: Today I am thankful for for people in particular. It's funny how when I sat down to write this entry for today at 12:30pm, I couldn't come up with something to be grateful for and then God revealed amazing people to me. So the first is my co-worker who I was especially close to at Emmaus, who left with the transition. She called today and after I got done with my speal: "Hello, it's a great day at Emmaus, my name is Katie, how may I help you?" I heard, "hey, gurl, how you doin'? What you up to gurrrrl?" in a very low, kinda creepy voice. It was her!!! I haven't talked to her since she left about a month ago so it was such a pleasant and wonderful surprise! We talked, gossiped and then she said, "so when can I meet you at Jo Jo's for Happy Hour? I need to see you soon...I miss you!" It touched my heart. In the short month and a half we got to work together we both clicked so quickly that I'm glad I wasn't the only one gaining from that relationship---it's a mutual exchange of love!!! So that put me in a good mood...THEN, my brother and I had been e-mailing each other back and forth about Thanksgiving day plans and today I broke the news to him that our time together was going to be limited to 10 and a half hours during our Thanksgiving break because of ride situations and traveling and what not. I was pretty bummed about this and then he replied with, "honestly, Katie, I'm just happy with whatever time I get to spend with you, I don't care how long it is." That made my day. Between my old co-worker and my brother, great human beings helped remind me of what's important: quality time with those you love, no matter how long that time may be. :)

*Thursday, Oct. 27, 2011: Today I am grateful for my roommate, Colleen's, agency. Colleen invited us Petworth ladies to help out at the Halloween event last night and we gladly accepted. She put us in charge of separate tasks...mine was to help kids (ages 5-17) make and decorate "Thank You" cards for Georgetown Cupcake (who donated 100 cupcakes to the Halloween party). It was so great, I got marker all over my hands, I had two kids ask me to come mentor at the center and I definitely got my "kid" fix. I forgot how happy children make me...it's like night and day between my current job and anytime I am around children. My spirits are lifted. So tonight I am actually going to take action and find an organization to volunteer with during my free time. I need kid exposure because otherwise I'm going to forget how much joy there is to be had around those little faces!

*Friday, Oct. 28, 2011: Today I am grateful for letter writing. I received a letter in the mail yesterday from the Death Row Support Project (I registered with them a couple months ago, didn't hear back from them so I just forgot about it) and I have been paired up with an inmate on death row! I am so excited to begin this pen pal journey with him. I think there is so much untapped power in letter writing that I would love for it to have a comeback! Especially now-a-days, with everything being at our fingertips and instant gratification being at the forefront of our minds, receiving and taking the time to write a letter carries so much weight. It shows that you care; but it also shows that you took time out of your busy schedule to stop and think about a friend, loved one, family member or a complete stranger, like my death row inmate. I get so much joy when I see I've gotten a letter from someone, so I hope that that sentiment is felt by someone who receives a letter from me as well! Today I am grateful for showing love in a dying art form: letter writing.

This is Where it Starts, Lightening Strikes the Heart

*Friday, Oct. 21, 2011: "Don't do too well or they won't hire on more help for us" is the statement my supervisor made after I offered to clean out the space we are renting out to an agency next week. I want new people to be hired on, but I also don't want to be accused of laziness so the space didn't get cleaned out and I went and worked on a lesson plan instead. She brought up an interesting point and an overarching theme of what I am learning with my time at Emmaus: the inner workings of the non-profit world. Doing enough to get by isn't usually my forte, but with the onset of us trying to hire new people on; I guess it's something worth investing in. This expands to something larger though...the inner workings of the non-profit world have been thrusted upon me more in these past three months than I ever saw at the Shehan Center last year. With such a small organization trying to serve a large group of people, I am learning a lot about how the "normal" non-profit struggles with finances and staffing. It's been so interesting and such a learning experience and I am grateful for that today.

*Saturday, Oct. 22, 2011: I am thankful for reunions. Tonight I got to have dinner with a high school friend I hadn't seen in about five years and we had dinner and then headed out to a mutual friend's birthday celebration. It was retro-80's-bright color themed and only my friend (who's birthday it was) and I dressed for the theme. It was still a blast though. We danced, laughed and had a good time with everyone present for the festivities. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with friends from home and time to be silly with some pretty amazing people.



*Sunday, Oct. 23, 2011: I want to start using lyrics as my titles for these posts because song titles and lyrics speak to me and really articulate what I'm thinking most of the time more than my own words do. So a song that has been really speaking to my heart lately is "Brighter than the Sun" by Colbie Caillat. The line, "But who am I to tell fate where it’s supposed to go with it?" is so powerful (as well as the entire song) because it's so upbeat, so catchy and so motivational. It seems to always come on the radio when I am feeling particularly down, stuck-in-a-rut or just blah and as soon as it comes on I just want to skip, smile from ear to ear and high five people as I pass by them. It came on today, in the midst of my lazy day/stuck-in-a-rut-ness and it was such a mood-lifter! I am thankful for the radio's semi-obsession with this song because it means I get to listen to it a few times a day and feel uplifted and motivated to do anything.

*Monday, Oct. 24, 2011: Today my roommate, Brittney, came in and gave a health talk on HIV/AIDS to my seniors. It was great. She did such a good job and was so informative and helpful. She didn't pussy-foot around anything and they appreciated it. They laughed with her, cracked jokes and got some serious questions answered. They were raving about her after she left and it inspired me to look for other experts in the field to come in and give health talks about different disorders/diseases/health issues. I am thankful for my roommate and for her willingness not only take time out of her day to speak with my seniors but to do it sooooo well.

Where Men Cannot Provide, God Steps In

I needed to journal somehow about my current array of emotions and blogging seems to be the easiest and most accessible way to do it. In so many ways, I have felt the hand of God guiding me to where I need to be throughout my life. All throughout college I could feel His presence around me and even into my first year as a volunteer. As I hit the half-way point in Bridgeport, I felt that I stopped searching for His guiding hand; I stopped asking for it and stopped looking for it. It was like I was coasting in a state of bliss and was fine with a stagnant, independent relationship that didn't have me looking to someone else for guidance.

Heading into my second year as a volunteer, I felt that stagnancy the most. I felt 100% independent and 100% reliant on myself because I had ignored the hand of God so much that I didn't know how to ask for it anymore when I truly needed it. As I got into my new position and struggled probably more than I've struggled at something before, I came to my last resort: prayer. I turned to the Big Guy after months of turning in the other direction. My prayers were desperate pleas for understanding and passion for this new job. I asked for direction, for strength and for love.

This week, I have felt His hand guiding me...I have felt Him stepping alongside me once again and I forgot how great and fulfilling of a feeling that is. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I went to the wrong meeting yesterday and felt like a complete fool but as it turns out, we are going to be able to apply for that $500,000 grant because of my attendance at that meeting AND the development guy at my agency was supposed to be there anyway but couldn't make it so God directed me right into the wrong meeting for a reason and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

*Thursday, Oct. 20th, 2011: Then, last night, the thing I am grateful for today, I went to Brittney's work because on Wednesdays she works 1pm-9pm. Here, I got to sit on the stoop with the same man I painted with about a month ago...*Mr. Arnie...Brittney had been telling me for a week that his health was deteriorating and I needed to visit him soon. So I went and as I walked up to the house, he saw me before I saw him and said, "there she is. How you doin' baby girl?" He had a huge smile on his face and was so happy to see me. Brittney was telling me that he talked about me a little bit after the last time I visited him so I was excited to come back and see him again. Apparently he is in major denial about dying and doesn't want to be at her agency with those people and doesn't understand why he's there. It made me think, "Mr. Arnie and I, though very different, have so much in common." Through conversation and just companionship, I have gained and learned so much from our brief encounters. He has made me laugh, brought me to the brink of tears and made me feel good about myself. I feel like God's hand has guided me to Mr. Arnie. I am in DC for many reasons (most of them have yet to be revealed to me) but I know and feel that one of the reasons is so Mr. Arnie and I can lean on each other. We both don't understand why we are where we are and we both don't like where we are and we both sometimes feel 100% alone and self-reliant; but if we're both feeling all alone, then we're together in that sentiment so we aren't truly all alone. Now I have Wednesday nights to look forward to and Mr. Arnie's companionship to lean on.

*Names have been changed for obvious reasons.

Creativity, Busboys and Good Mistakes

*Monday, Oct. 17, 2011: Today I am grateful for the time I got to be creative. As a house, we decided to make our own mailboxes for our house so sorting mail is a little easier and less cluttered. So I took this as an opportunity to let my creative juices flow...I locked myself up in my bedroom and began painting. I forgot how much painting centered and relaxed me. I miss painting so much! I just started going and my inspiration came from a Spirituality night I led last year in my Bridgeport community. I took the image of a heart, bursting with color and painted it on my mailbox as the background. When we did the Spirituality night last year, using that image, we decided to paint the same image as a mural in our basement and the picture below is the mural we painted...at least 1/2 way finished mural... I painted this image on my mailbox because it's 1) colorful and 2) a good reminder of how I should let my love flow...openly, without reservations. I am grateful for the few hours I got to be creative tonight.



*Tuesday, Oct. 18, 2011: Tonight Colleen and I tagged along with Brittney to open mic night at Busboys and Poets. We went because Brittney asked us to because her client that recently past wrote a poem and one of her co-workers was reading it at the open mic night that night. So we walked into Busboys and Poets and was flooded with the cool ambiance and funky people in the room. Each poet got up and gave their slam poetry, sang or recited prose and then Britt's co-worker got up there. He prefaced the poem with it's author's story...he told of how the author was a friend, a father figure and a brother to everyone he met. I'm not going to lie, I started to tear up a bit as he spoke. You could just feel the love radiating off of each of the listeners as Britt's co-worker shared this special treasure with us. It was beautiful and I was so grateful to be a part of it. I never knew the author but from seeing/hearing the impact he had on Britt and listening to his poem last night and feeling the outpouring of love surrounding the reader, I can't help but feel like he was a part of my life.



*Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2011: Alright, let me set the scene for you. So this morning I got to sleep in an extra 20 minutes because I had a scheduled meeting for Older Adults with HIV/AIDS at 10am. So I got up, got ready, double checked to make sure I had my business cards and then went on my merry way. When I finally got to my destination, I got up to the 4th floor and told the receptionist that I was waiting for a meeting with fill-in-the-blank and she said, "Oh yes, his meeting will be right in through these doors, you can go ahead and go in." So I went in...there were already three people sitting and waiting so I just sat and waited as well. Needless to say, the meeting I sat down to was about HIV/AIDS but not for the elderly. It was about a grant available for agencies in the DC area. I went to the wrong meeting! So when I got back to my desk, I typed up the minutes of the meeting I attended and then got really nervous as I went to break the news to my supervisor the mistake I had made. When I told her, she laughed and just said, well talk to our development guy and maybe we can get on this grant. Long story short, I went up to talk to the development guy and he told me that he was actually supposed to be at that meeting but couldn't make it...funny...but it gets better. I found out one of our volunteer activists went to the meeting I was supposed to be at...so God works in mysterious ways and now we have a possible $500,000 grant at our feet so I am thankful for good mistakes today.

Even Moses Didn't Reach the Promised Land

*Thursday, Oct. 13th, 2011: Today I am grateful for the blood pressure check I scheduled for my seniors to do today. In the spirit of solidarity, I decided to get my blood pressure checked when they all did it too...the seniors kind of pressured (no pun intended) me into doing it; saying things like: "you haven't had it taken in two years...you need to. You need to take care of yourself, baby girl." So I did...I got my blood pressure taken and I am 100/78...which is low, which is good. All of the seniors looked at me and said, "well, goodness we haven't seen numbers that low for pressure since 1950." We all laughed and then it dawned on me...today I am grateful for good health. These seniors are teaching me to take advantage of your youth while you have it, because one day your blood pressure will be too high or your knees will be too sore to go anywhere. Getting up to simply get a pencil to do word puzzles is too hard for some of my seniors so I feel today is a good day and a good reminder that I should be thankful for my health...because one day, I might not have it.

*Friday, Oct. 14th, 2011: I am thankful for spontaneous runs to get fatty food. Brittney, Colleen and I walked to Five Guys on Friday night. So now I have tasted Five Guys drunkenly AND soberly. Brittney treated us to a fatty cheeseburger (Colleen had a grilled cheese) and fries (which we all regretted later during the walk home) and had a good time just laughing and talking. I love those outings because it wasn't planned, it wasn't forced and we just enjoyed each other's company. We were laughing about the fact that we pased by ladies in short skirts and "going out clothes" while all three of us were in our sweats, sweatshirts and tossled "hot mess" hair styles for our Friday night outing...so classy we all are...and what party animals too!

*Saturday, Oct. 15th, 2011: Colleen's sister visiting for two reasons: 1) Colleen, Brittney and I got to steal her car to drive out to the thrift store to buy our Halloween costumes. I got a lot of what I needed for my "Woody" costume. Colleen is going to be Buzz and I'm going to be Woody. So I got cowboy boots, a flannel shirt, a vest, a cowboy hat, bandana and even a holster for my toy gun...it's going to be good. I need to do a lot of sewing for the vest though. 2) On Saturday night, Colleen, her sister and I went out to Georgetown to visit with Colleen's friends and everything and it was a blast. It was really good for me to get out of the house for sure. So today I am thankful for Colleen's sister for visiting because she was good company, for the reasons stated above but also because it got me out of the house...a much needed experience I didn't realize until I was literally out of the house.

*Sunday, Oct. 16th, 2011: Today is a wonderful day of gratitude. So a few friends of mine from all over caught wind of the MLK Jr. Memorial Dedication Ceremony that was happening on Sunday and they asked me a million times if I was going and I was on the fence because it's so early in the morning, but my friends guilted me into going so I dragged my butt outta bed at 7am and made the hour-long trek to the monument. It was so worth it...thanks for guilting me, guys! So the MLK Jr. Memorial Dedication Ceremony began at 9am and I got there at 8:30am. I sat down next to an elderly woman, dressed in her Sunday best (while I was in my jeans and JVC T-shirt) and she had the biggest smile on her face. "I'm so excited," she whispered to me; "I can't believe I am here for this. Dr. King is such an inspiration; I marched with him, ya know?" and I looked at her and said, "no you didn't, really?" She smiled from ear to ear and said, "oh yes, a lot of us did. He was just the leader we were waiting for and I would've followed him anywhere." We kept chatting until the ceremony began. There were tons of big name people there but I think the best speaker was his sister, only first to his daughter. Those two women stole the show for me...they were phenomenal. One of the speakers said something that stood out to me, he said, "I like to think of my friend, Martin, as a prophet and although he didn't get to see the fruits of his labor, we must remember that even Moses didn't make it to the Promised Land. He was sent to lead; to lead the people to the Promised Land. As Moses and Martin did, we must remember that as well...sometimes we are just called to lead people and we may not reach the final destination." Such a good thought to consider, especially as a JV. The bus ride home just continued the good thoughts because my bus driver let me on for FREE and then we were the only two riding for a while so we chatted about the ceremony and JVC and what not. he was so pleasant and kept calling me baby girl...which I now love the title after living in an urban setting for 14 months. But anywho, it was just a great morning/early afternoon of random interactions with kind-hearted and loving people. I am grateful for the ceremony because it carried with it a wonderful set of memories and interactions I wouldn't have had otherwise.

Birdwalking a Bit

So sometimes you just have to write...well, sometimes I just have to write. Writing is my outlet, my stress reliever, my way of sorting things through and my way of dealing/coping. So right now, at 9:18am in my office, in between looking up trivia facts for my seniors, I am writing. It is not en entry to my gratitude journal, but it's been on my mind a lot lately so I figured if I wanted to purge my mind of these thoughts, getting down on "paper" would be a good start.

I am reminded of a quote I read in Kathryn Stockett's, "The Help" when Miss Skeeter has found out some not-so-nice things about the man (Stuart) she is seeing and they break up. Stuart comes over to her house after a few weeks to try and make amends, she considers it but as she's heading back inside Miss Skeeter's mother (who has been urging her to marry Stuart from the beginning) tells her this:

"Don't let him cheapen you." -Skeeter's Mother
I look back at her, eye her suspiciously.... Sorry is the fool who ever underestimates my mother. -Skeeter
"If Stuart doesn't know how intelligent and kind I raised you to be, he can march straight on back to State Street.... Frankly, I don't care much for Stuart. He doesn't know how lucky he was to have you." -Skeeter's Mother (p. 357)

Now this quote hits me straight to my core because I have my past of interesting relationship decisions (good and bad) and my array of personality types I've dated. In retrospect, the most recent one began out of mediocrity. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a while, was kinda interested in this guy and just thought, "why not?" But within the "why not?" mentality I opened the door for him to cheapen me. This post isn't going to turn into a rant and rave or bashing on this fellow but let me just say, I have a tendency to take a lot of crap from people in general, especially those I am most connected with...and I took a lot of crap from him. At the end of my year in Bridgeport, I couldn't help but feel cheapened; almost less of a person. This book came just in time and this quote appeared at the right moment in my life. I let him cheapen me because he didn't see the "intelligent and kind" person my parents raised me to be.

Now, I am a firm believer in everything being a learning experience so I don't carry any bad thoughts about the situation but I now understand that "settling" or just being with someone out of boredom or pressure to have a man can do more damage than I thought. I figured, "hey, it's just a time filler. Not a big deal or anything." But in investing time into someone who didn't appreciate all the nifty things about me, I allowed my self-worth to be a casualty and therefore, felt cheapened. It's funny how much power we willingly give some people over us; how their words can carry so much weight than those that have known us for decades (odd I can use that large measurement of time). I guess my take away point is this: never let someone have so much power over you, that you forget about the kind, intelligent, passionate, loving, beautiful, enthusiastic, vivacious, energetic, emotional, humorous, crazy person your parents raised you to be. I feel like if my mama would've been in Bridgeport with me last year, she would've said, "Katie, don't let him cheapen you" and she would've added to it: "because you are worth so much to so many people who love you."

Finally Ready to Fall in Love Again

*Tuesday, Oct. 11th, 2011: Today I am incredibly thankful for prayers and God-given strength. I couldn't have made it through today if it wasn't for those two things that have very little to do with me. First, the prayers of family and friends have been carrying me through these last few weeks and especially recently. Today I had a huge, important, life-altering (OK, not exactly) meeting with my supervisor. I was incredibly nervous about it for about a week and incredibly afraid of what things might come to the surface in this meeting. Needless to say, I was in need of support, prayers and some inner-strength that God provided. Somehow, I walked into the meeting and found the strength to communicate all my concerns/issues I've been having so far in DC with my role as the Social Justice and Advocacy Coordinator. I stood up for myself (which any of my close friends can attest, I don't ever do) and what resulted was such a positive and helpful result. My supervisor accepted responsibility for the issues, we came up with plans on how to improve and made me feel like I was heard and action was taking place for me to really grow and learn and give to this agency. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all your prayers, love, concern and advice this past week. And most of all, thank you, God, for providing me with the strength I needed to actually stand up for myself.

*Wednesday, Oct. 12th, 2011: Today I am thankful for my seniors. I know I've been thankful for them a lot lately but they bring out such interesting sides of me each day/week so I am thankful for them in different ways each week. Today was the first day that I actually walked away from talking with a few of my seniors feeling like, "oh-o, Katie, you're going to fall in love with these seniors and be broken once again." The first time I actually felt love and felt like I was giving love since I got to DC. I made an announcement about a suggestion box for the seniors to put ideas and thoughts they have in it and one senior said, "can you help me find a boyfriend?" I responded with, "only if you can help me find one!" We all laughed and it was a cute moment between us. Today they've been pulling me aside, telling me how wonderful I am, reaffirming why I am here and just laughing with me about silly things. I am falling in love again and I think I am finally ready to allow myself to let them impact me, love me and break me. YAY! for good days.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

So this Bible quote keeps popping up in my life...I have always liked it and have felt a little sad about the fact that it's associated with funerals all the time (it makes sense but it's still sad). So whenever I read it aloud, there is always someone who starts crying because it was read at so-in-so's funeral...not my intent to make them sad, I just love this quote because it's all about things happening for a reason, which I am a firm believer in and have found it carrying me through these past few weeks.

*Saturday, Oct. 8th, 2011: I am thankful for my roommates, Brittney and Colleen. First, Brittney is playing for a soccer league and Colleen and I went to her game on Saturday. While watching Brittney play, I remembered how much I miss sports; how much I miss kicking a ball around, pushing a girl to the ground and genuinely kicking butt on the soccer field. It was this spark that made Colleen and myself want to put together a "fit camp" with our friends in DC and in the other JV house. I am thankful for the opportunity to go to Britt's game and feel that urge again. I am grateful for Colleen for entertaining my desire to put together a group of people who want to play any kind of sport for "fun's sake" and for actually getting excited about it. I am thankful for both of them for their constant support and for watching Pride and Prejudice with me on Saturday while vegging out on junk food! It's the little things in life that make you smile, right?

*Sunday, Oct. 9th, 2011: I am grateful for little snip-its that remind me of home. After going to church at St. Augustine's (awesome homily and Mass, by the way), Brittney and I went to watch the Jets vs. Pats game at a bar. We got there early so I got to watch the Seahawks vs. the Giants play for a good hour. As I watched my favorite neon green and navy blue birds run up and down the field, I discovered I was not the only 'Hawks fan in the bar...there were three (kinda obnoxious) men sitting to my right with Seahawks ball caps and shirts on. They were excitible and cheered whenever a good play was made (regardless of the team) and pasty white and shook hands with the Giants fans when they left the bar so I knew they had to be from the Pacific Northwest. The Seahawks beat the Giants (much to my surprise) and it was fun to not feel like the lone Seattle fan in a sea of Pats, Jets, Giants and Eagles fans. It was good to feel at home when I saw the three (semi-obnoxious) men shake hands with the Giants fans after we won...good sportsmanship, big smiles and that "12th Man" mentality reminded me of where my roots are and I'm grateful for that.

*Monday, Oct. 10th, 2011: Today I am grateful a particular senior who took me aside and made me feel loved. I handed out the schedule today and when I had finished, a senior came up to me and said, "So does that mean we're not going to Walmart this month?" I looked at her and said, "no, because we still haven't hired an activities coordinator so until we do, we cannot take any trips." She looked at me with disappointment and said, "well I thought you were the new activities coordinator." I turned to her, and said, "no, I'm not, but I wish I was. I would love to spend most of my day down here with you guys." She smiled and said, "and we would love to have you do it to. You should tell the person in charge we want you down here. You got support with us and we're backing you up for sure." I smiled and my heart weakened. All the struggles I've been having, all the temptations to cut my losses and peace out, they melted away in that conversation. She is the reason I am here, she is why God sent me here and although I am really unsure about what my actual job entails, she is motivation to stay here.

And now I leave you with the quote that's been echoing my last few weeks:

"1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every [a]event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

9 What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils? 10 I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves.
God Set Eternity in the Heart of Man
11 He has made everything [b]appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, [c]yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; 13 moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor—it is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should [d]fear Him. 15 That which is has been already and that which will be has already been, for God seeks what has passed by." -Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

Something is Weakening...

In this gratitude entry; it was especially hard to find joy in things this week...this week was by far, my most difficult one and by far my most "done" I've ever felt with my job. So finding things to be grateful for was actually a part of my daily prayers this week...it was definitely a struggle this week.

*Tuesday, Oct. 4th, 2011: Last night we had four guests come to our Community Night and I was up to the plate for leading the activity. I remembered this amazing activity I did last year with my supervisor at a workshop we both attended for promoting girl centered programming within our non-profit. It was an activity on stereotypes, assumptions, perspectives and judgments called "Trading Places". It was such a powerful experience for us last year that I decided it would be a good idea to do for Community Night. Our guests: two of Colleen's friends from Georgetown and our local support people, Laura and Nawal, came over around 8pm to join in on the fun. It was a great evening of discussion and fellowship. We got to examine ourselves and think about each other's viewpoints a little more in depth, which was awesome. Today, I am grateful for such an amazing local support team...yes, that's you, Nawal and Laura.

*Wednesday, Oct. 5th, 2011: I am grateful for my dad. Today was probably my worst day at work and I talked to two of my roommates about it and something still wasn't gelling with my heart until I talked to my dad. He just knows me and knows my heart and his advice and words of wisdom were exactly what I needed to hear. Not only did he take on the "protective dad" voice and get very defensive for his baby girl, but he offered up some great suggestions for how I can manage working in a not-so-ideal workplace. I am thankful for his advice, his love and just the gift of him.

*Thursday, Oct. 6th, 2011: I am grateful for our local spiritual liaison, Mr. Bill...I'm just gonna call him Mr. Bill. I feel like his timing is always perfect and he visits and has us do exercises that are perfect for the feelings and struggles I am having. He comes into our community once a month and before he arrives, I'm always thinking, "ugh, I just want to read or work on my puzzle...I don't want to meet with anyone, I just want to relax" but when he gets there, pizza in hand, his presence is so welcoming and inviting that my lack of motivation is melted away. Last night he led us in Ignatian Contemplation about Mary Magdalene finding Jesus' tomb empty and the words, "they have taken my Lord" struck my heart...they echoed in my mind long past Mr. Bill's visit and into today. Her love of Jesus and frantic desperation to find Him and cling onto anything that dealt with Him (including His body) parallels my current issues with letting go/clinging onto anything that resembles my past experience with JVC. So I got a lot out of last night and the incredible experience Mr. Bill facilitated.

*Friday, Oct. 7th, 2011: I am grateful for these seniors. I am grateful for their cold and unrelenting walls they've put up. They are not interested in getting to know me because they don't see what I can offer them in companionship but there have been two in particular that have warmed up to me. They are hyper-critical and very knit-picky but I catch them every now and then, laughing at a joke I make or smiling when I clean something/get them more coffee/come up with a new project for them to do. I am grateful for their rare utterances that resemble affirmations in my favor and can sometimes be border-line friendly...gasp. They are why I can't completely write off my job yet. They are why I am still fighting, fighting so darn hard to find my path here. Otherwise, I would've given up long ago. So I am grateful for the rare moments in which my seniors and I see eye to eye and appreciate each other.

An Overflowing Heart

*Saturday, Oct. 1st, 2011: I am grateful for reconnections. Tonight, I hung out with some high school friends I hadn't seen in about five years. FIVE YEARS!!! When did time go by so quickly that five years could pass by without me feeling it? Anywho, I met up for dinner with the three of them plus two others at one of their houses and we chatted, caught up, reminiscenced on old times and got drunky drunk drunk. It was so great to sit and talk with people about our upbringing, my family, their families, DC and social justices issues. The conversations would usually always find a way of coming back to the flaws in our education system so it was exciting to get riled up with them about that issue and to share my person experience(s) I've had with urban youth and the crappy education system. At the end of the night (3am) I went home and went to bed feeling the utmost amount of gratitude. I am grateful to have the opportunity to reconnect with such incredible human beings and I am grateful and excited for the future outings we will have as well.

*Sunday, Oct. 2nd, 2011: Today I am grateful for my brother...for many reasons, but mainly because I love him so much. He and I have been talking a lot on the phone recently because he's been struggling and I've been struggling and it's been (in some sick way) wonderful to complain and cry to each other about our woes. He is such an incredible man and I wish he could see that. He brightens my day, makes me happier, motivates me, inspires me and makes me feel needed. Whenever he calls, he needs me to listen and it's so fulfilling to feel needed by someone, especially my brother. I love being the person he comes to with everything and I love being able to encourage and give him every pep talk I can think of...today, I am grateful for all this and for my brother's huge heart. His enormous heart didn't even question for a moment as to whether he should buy me a plane ticket home for Christmas...he just did it. He didn't second guess it, worry about it or question it...he just did it. My heart has been overflowing with joy and appreciation for him for many reasons, but especially for his gift of round trip airfare to Boise, ID and back on December 22nd-29th!!! Mark your calendars, west coast, Katie's comin' home!!!

*Monday, Oct. 3rd, 2011: I never thought I'd say this, but today...listen up, today I am grateful for my job...don't fall over in astonishment...it came as a shocker to me as well. Because of the transition, they "need" someone to go into the community room and be present there from 9am-2pm. I willingly volunteered to do it. I got to talk, laugh and have fun with around ten senior ladies and it was a blast. I gave a health talk on vision as you age and it was good to have that dialogue with them. THEN, if that wasn't good enough, a man came in at around 3:30pm and asked for some help. Since I am literally the only one here right now, I invited him into my office and we talked. He took off his sunglasses and I tried not to let my physical appearance show my reaction to his face. But he had a blood red left eye and a huge bruise around his left eye socket. I kept as strong of eye contact as I could so he wouldn't know that I was alarmed by his face. He began asking me questions about what Emmaus offers and what kind of programs we run. I told him about our program and gave him a copy of the activities schedule and elaborated on everything we offer. He was so gracious and so eager to talk, that I just listened. He told me his name, where he lived, his past, why he was looking for a senior center and he finally said, "I'm sorry for my face...I got mugged about a week ago and it's actually looking better. The swelling has gone down, see?" I said, "it looks like it's healing really well. Did you go to the doctor?" He said yes and then laughed. He laughed and then he said, "well, I'm alive so that's the good thing, right?" He made me smile and I said, "Amen, *Kyle, amen." He then went on to tell me all about his mental health issues, physical health issues and the many, many, many drugs he's on. Regardless, at the end of our time together, he said, "it was so great to meet you and I will look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Miss Katie." I said, "Thanks, *Kyle, I hope this center is just the right fit for you." He smiled as he scooted himself out of my office and said, "me too, Miss, me too..." I am grateful for the opportunity I had to see Jesus today and for my job because it was the avenue that He used to remind me of His presence...

***Name has been changed for obvious reasons.