In this gratitude entry; it was especially hard to find joy in things this week...this week was by far, my most difficult one and by far my most "done" I've ever felt with my job. So finding things to be grateful for was actually a part of my daily prayers this week...it was definitely a struggle this week.
*Tuesday, Oct. 4th, 2011: Last night we had four guests come to our Community Night and I was up to the plate for leading the activity. I remembered this amazing activity I did last year with my supervisor at a workshop we both attended for promoting girl centered programming within our non-profit. It was an activity on stereotypes, assumptions, perspectives and judgments called "Trading Places". It was such a powerful experience for us last year that I decided it would be a good idea to do for Community Night. Our guests: two of Colleen's friends from Georgetown and our local support people, Laura and Nawal, came over around 8pm to join in on the fun. It was a great evening of discussion and fellowship. We got to examine ourselves and think about each other's viewpoints a little more in depth, which was awesome. Today, I am grateful for such an amazing local support team...yes, that's you, Nawal and Laura.
*Wednesday, Oct. 5th, 2011: I am grateful for my dad. Today was probably my worst day at work and I talked to two of my roommates about it and something still wasn't gelling with my heart until I talked to my dad. He just knows me and knows my heart and his advice and words of wisdom were exactly what I needed to hear. Not only did he take on the "protective dad" voice and get very defensive for his baby girl, but he offered up some great suggestions for how I can manage working in a not-so-ideal workplace. I am thankful for his advice, his love and just the gift of him.
*Thursday, Oct. 6th, 2011: I am grateful for our local spiritual liaison, Mr. Bill...I'm just gonna call him Mr. Bill. I feel like his timing is always perfect and he visits and has us do exercises that are perfect for the feelings and struggles I am having. He comes into our community once a month and before he arrives, I'm always thinking, "ugh, I just want to read or work on my puzzle...I don't want to meet with anyone, I just want to relax" but when he gets there, pizza in hand, his presence is so welcoming and inviting that my lack of motivation is melted away. Last night he led us in Ignatian Contemplation about Mary Magdalene finding Jesus' tomb empty and the words, "they have taken my Lord" struck my heart...they echoed in my mind long past Mr. Bill's visit and into today. Her love of Jesus and frantic desperation to find Him and cling onto anything that dealt with Him (including His body) parallels my current issues with letting go/clinging onto anything that resembles my past experience with JVC. So I got a lot out of last night and the incredible experience Mr. Bill facilitated.
*Friday, Oct. 7th, 2011: I am grateful for these seniors. I am grateful for their cold and unrelenting walls they've put up. They are not interested in getting to know me because they don't see what I can offer them in companionship but there have been two in particular that have warmed up to me. They are hyper-critical and very knit-picky but I catch them every now and then, laughing at a joke I make or smiling when I clean something/get them more coffee/come up with a new project for them to do. I am grateful for their rare utterances that resemble affirmations in my favor and can sometimes be border-line friendly...gasp. They are why I can't completely write off my job yet. They are why I am still fighting, fighting so darn hard to find my path here. Otherwise, I would've given up long ago. So I am grateful for the rare moments in which my seniors and I see eye to eye and appreciate each other.
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