Today I had two very different conversations with two very different little boys.
Devyn: In the first grade, had tears in his eyes when I went to pick him up at the school. I thought maybe he was just being a typical first grader and crying, until I asked him what was wrong. He was crying genuine tears and said, "my parents are fighting." My heart broke when he said this and I told him I'd talk to him once we got the center...so when we arrived at the center I pulled him aside and said, "Devyn, are you OK?" Devyn shook his head 'no' and then I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he shook his head 'yes' so I sat down with him and he told me about his parents screaming at each other when they went to pick him up that afternoon...I guess they were so angry that they just decided to have him go to the Center instead of going home. Whatever they said or decided upon, Devyn was very upset and legitimately hurt by what happened. My heart broke...I finally felt broken at work. A child at 6-years-old shouldn't be brought into that kind of communication...he was so sad, so scared...it just broke my heart. So I gave him a big hug and a cup full of gummy bears and told him that his parents loved him very, very much.
Christian: In Pre-K, we were in the gym and I told him to be careful because he could hurt himself if he jumped on the bleachers...he then looked at me, with all sincerity and said, "Heaven is a good place." It took me by surprise and for the second time that day, I cried...my eyes just welled up with tears and Christian continued, "my mom said so." I asked him what he thought it looked like and he said, "I don't know but if you're evil you go down and if you're good, you go up." His cute little face and basic knowledge of morality was beautiful and touching.
Both boys lead very different lives, Christian's dad is a judge for the city of Bridgeport and Caucasian while Devyn is constantly squeaking by in school and is African American...the two lives they lead...so different but both were able to touch my heart today. They both are looking to be loved and they both expect that from me. Today was a beautiful day that broke me down but forced me to remember why I am here...I am here to be their friend, their very best friend; someone who will look out for them and give them gummy bears if need be. They both say the darnest things and made my day more meaningful. I belong here.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Theological Reflection...Matthew 20
Last nights reading was Matthew, chapter 20. It basically talked about the old saying of "idle hands are the devil's tools." The chapter made me think about how in Bridgeport, most of the entertaining things to do are non-existent. You have to travel either 10 minutes north, east or west to find anything fun to do as a child or an adult. This makes for an interesting "playground" for trouble to fester.
From September, when I first met most of my kids, until now, I have seen a few kids drop out of the center I work for. I have seen, first hand, kids come into the center and without proper attention at home or ample healthy opportunities to "blow off steam" my kids have gotten into trouble: idle hands.
I've found that without constant attention and continuous activities, my kids will go crazy. When there's a break down in the schedule or my kids are bored, that's when poop hits the fan and things unravel. Fights, arguments, yelling, running around, not listening and disruptiveness are all the result of their "idle hands". Matthew chapter 20 has two different major quotes that strike me:
16 "Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last."
and
28 "the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."
It's the later quote that hit me the hardest. Idle hands may be the devil's tools and my kids may be play things of the devil's from time to time but the last quote is the one that resonates in my heart..."the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." It is this thought that I must continue to keep at the forefront of my mind...Jesus served, He served more than I will ever serve for He died for all of our sins...that's a lot of people! If He can do that, than I can serve my mischievous and sometimes unbearable children until August...it's not that much to ask for, I just have to serve with a full heart. Loves, and I hope this entry made sense!
From September, when I first met most of my kids, until now, I have seen a few kids drop out of the center I work for. I have seen, first hand, kids come into the center and without proper attention at home or ample healthy opportunities to "blow off steam" my kids have gotten into trouble: idle hands.
I've found that without constant attention and continuous activities, my kids will go crazy. When there's a break down in the schedule or my kids are bored, that's when poop hits the fan and things unravel. Fights, arguments, yelling, running around, not listening and disruptiveness are all the result of their "idle hands". Matthew chapter 20 has two different major quotes that strike me:
16 "Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last."
and
28 "the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."
It's the later quote that hit me the hardest. Idle hands may be the devil's tools and my kids may be play things of the devil's from time to time but the last quote is the one that resonates in my heart..."the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." It is this thought that I must continue to keep at the forefront of my mind...Jesus served, He served more than I will ever serve for He died for all of our sins...that's a lot of people! If He can do that, than I can serve my mischievous and sometimes unbearable children until August...it's not that much to ask for, I just have to serve with a full heart. Loves, and I hope this entry made sense!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
So Much Sojo and Theological Reflection...
After a few snow/blizzard days off, my roommates and I headed to Re-Orientation in Dalton, Pennsylvania. It was five days of getting re-acquainted with people we hadn't seen in a while and five days of social justice (Sojo) talks. We learned about the Pastoral Circle which includes: Experience, Social Analysis, Theological Reflection, Discernment and Action. These are the steps one takes when looking closely at sojo issues.
The step that resonated the most with me was Theological Reflection. I have socially analyzed the structures in place that keep the poor and marginalized in "their place" and I have discerned multiple times about various different things in my life, but I have rarely theologically reflected on my experiences and social structures in our country. Re-Orientation gave me the opportunity to do a lot of journaling and reflecting and one speaker gave me countless ways to practice reflecting on my experiences. It's a mix of thinking with your head and your heart, but mainly focusing on what comes from your heart. It's about taking your experiences, your thoughts on the social structures and your confusion to God to help you sort it out. I looked up a definition online and this is what it said:
"Theological Reflection: 'When we come to ask what it means to our faith to evaluate this situation and what is really most at stake in this situation, we can be guided by the church's social teaching about human dignity and solidarity. Every person is made in the image of God. Dignity is not earned; it is a gift.' (23) Key to this dimension of the pastoral circle is the Bible."
With that said, I have taken my spirituality and my nightly reflections a step further. I'm not one for New Years Resolutions but this is a goal I would love to live out for the entirety of 2011...wanna know what it is? Ok...so my nightly reflections usually consist of me reading this little book called, "Every Day is a Gift: A Book of Daily Reflections and Prayers". Each day, this little book has a Bible passage, reflection from a saint and a prayer to read. They're usually only a paragraph long and not very demanding, but great thoughts to think of before bed...so I decided after Re-Orientation to take this a step further. For every little paragraph I read in my little book, I have dedicated myself to reading the given Bible passage in its entirety...the entire chapter. Last night's was John chapter 6. I feel it's a great way to get to know my Bible better and to expand on the baby reading my book gives me. I then, reflect on the chapter and apply it to my life in my journal.
We will see how long I can do this for, but I feel confident in my abilities because it's not too ambitious of an idea and I really want to expand on my spirituality while I have the time to develop good habits!!! That's my thought of the day...I'm glad to be back at the Shehan Center after taking a week off, I missed my kids. I hope everyone has a great Thursday!!! Loves!
The step that resonated the most with me was Theological Reflection. I have socially analyzed the structures in place that keep the poor and marginalized in "their place" and I have discerned multiple times about various different things in my life, but I have rarely theologically reflected on my experiences and social structures in our country. Re-Orientation gave me the opportunity to do a lot of journaling and reflecting and one speaker gave me countless ways to practice reflecting on my experiences. It's a mix of thinking with your head and your heart, but mainly focusing on what comes from your heart. It's about taking your experiences, your thoughts on the social structures and your confusion to God to help you sort it out. I looked up a definition online and this is what it said:
"Theological Reflection: 'When we come to ask what it means to our faith to evaluate this situation and what is really most at stake in this situation, we can be guided by the church's social teaching about human dignity and solidarity. Every person is made in the image of God. Dignity is not earned; it is a gift.' (23) Key to this dimension of the pastoral circle is the Bible."
With that said, I have taken my spirituality and my nightly reflections a step further. I'm not one for New Years Resolutions but this is a goal I would love to live out for the entirety of 2011...wanna know what it is? Ok...so my nightly reflections usually consist of me reading this little book called, "Every Day is a Gift: A Book of Daily Reflections and Prayers". Each day, this little book has a Bible passage, reflection from a saint and a prayer to read. They're usually only a paragraph long and not very demanding, but great thoughts to think of before bed...so I decided after Re-Orientation to take this a step further. For every little paragraph I read in my little book, I have dedicated myself to reading the given Bible passage in its entirety...the entire chapter. Last night's was John chapter 6. I feel it's a great way to get to know my Bible better and to expand on the baby reading my book gives me. I then, reflect on the chapter and apply it to my life in my journal.
We will see how long I can do this for, but I feel confident in my abilities because it's not too ambitious of an idea and I really want to expand on my spirituality while I have the time to develop good habits!!! That's my thought of the day...I'm glad to be back at the Shehan Center after taking a week off, I missed my kids. I hope everyone has a great Thursday!!! Loves!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Katie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Well, it's been done, alert the presses, I had my first truly terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (if you know the title of the Children's book I stole this from, I will give you a cookie).
I don't know if it's the combination of the after-math of holiday craziness or the almost halfway point of JVC or homesickness or just feeling crumby one day, but Wednesday was a very, very bad day for one Ms. Katie Conway. I woke up in a funk and went to work, surpassed talking to anyone and went straight to my office. I asked my boss for paperwork so I could nurse my funk in my office, without affecting those around me and she gave me a heap of stuff to do so I was good.
When the kids arrived, I worked one-on-one with one child and he was being a little poop head (not listening, wiggling/jumping around in his chair, etc.) and it was frustrating me a bit; to add to my already poopy mood. So once he finally finished his homework, I went to my office to finish up the work my boss had given me.
At 5:15pm, I headed out for the day and my boss pulled me aside and asked me if everything was OK. Because I could feel the tears welling up, I didn't answer because I knew as soon as I opened my mouth, it would open the flood gates as well. She continued her questioning with, "well, are you unhappy here? Do you want to leave? I feel like you've been distant today." With this bit of questioning I decided to defend myself, and I began to cry and explained that I was just having a bad day. She said she understood and gave me hug and let me leave for the day. (I paraphrased the conversation for length purposes).
Anywho, my mood was even worsened now because I was embarrassed and sad on top of my already poopy emotions. After talking to my roommates when I got home, I did the next important thing: called, who else? my Mom. Between my roommates and my mama, I was able to feel comforted, love and cared for. They all were very nurturing and I went to bed still feeling crappy but at least prepared to take on the next day.
I guess to turn this bicycle around, I come out of my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, with a strong appreciation for the support system I have. I am very grateful for my roommates and my parents. I guess I should be appreciative to the person who created the cell phone and long distance calling because it was a huge lifesaver for me on Wednesday. I am fortunate to have wonderful, loving and caring people in my life who are OK with me having a bad day without rhyme or reason. I am blessed to have them to smack me out of my down-and-out-ness and I am so thankful for the five months of good days I've had so far. One bad day shouldn't weigh me down and I don't think my support system would let it! Here's to seven more months of Terrific, Happy, Not Bad, Very Good Days! Loves!
I don't know if it's the combination of the after-math of holiday craziness or the almost halfway point of JVC or homesickness or just feeling crumby one day, but Wednesday was a very, very bad day for one Ms. Katie Conway. I woke up in a funk and went to work, surpassed talking to anyone and went straight to my office. I asked my boss for paperwork so I could nurse my funk in my office, without affecting those around me and she gave me a heap of stuff to do so I was good.
When the kids arrived, I worked one-on-one with one child and he was being a little poop head (not listening, wiggling/jumping around in his chair, etc.) and it was frustrating me a bit; to add to my already poopy mood. So once he finally finished his homework, I went to my office to finish up the work my boss had given me.
At 5:15pm, I headed out for the day and my boss pulled me aside and asked me if everything was OK. Because I could feel the tears welling up, I didn't answer because I knew as soon as I opened my mouth, it would open the flood gates as well. She continued her questioning with, "well, are you unhappy here? Do you want to leave? I feel like you've been distant today." With this bit of questioning I decided to defend myself, and I began to cry and explained that I was just having a bad day. She said she understood and gave me hug and let me leave for the day. (I paraphrased the conversation for length purposes).
Anywho, my mood was even worsened now because I was embarrassed and sad on top of my already poopy emotions. After talking to my roommates when I got home, I did the next important thing: called, who else? my Mom. Between my roommates and my mama, I was able to feel comforted, love and cared for. They all were very nurturing and I went to bed still feeling crappy but at least prepared to take on the next day.
I guess to turn this bicycle around, I come out of my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, with a strong appreciation for the support system I have. I am very grateful for my roommates and my parents. I guess I should be appreciative to the person who created the cell phone and long distance calling because it was a huge lifesaver for me on Wednesday. I am fortunate to have wonderful, loving and caring people in my life who are OK with me having a bad day without rhyme or reason. I am blessed to have them to smack me out of my down-and-out-ness and I am so thankful for the five months of good days I've had so far. One bad day shouldn't weigh me down and I don't think my support system would let it! Here's to seven more months of Terrific, Happy, Not Bad, Very Good Days! Loves!
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