"The Only Therapy I Need"

I feel like my last few posts have been a little down and mopey. I guess one can say I've been a little bummed for the past two weeks, especially during the Thanksgiving holiday. BUT heading back to school this week after a little break helped put things into perspective for me.

I have one child who is morbidly obese and my co-teacher and I try to get her moving as much as possible. Well, over the Thanksgiving break, the trees around our playground shed most (if not all) of their leaves. There were huge piles of leaves everywhere and most of my kids didn't really pay attention to them. Except for my chubby friend. She's usually in her own world and a little spacey to begin with so when I turned around and watched her flop her body onto the pile of leaves; it didn't surprise me (but it certainly made me laugh). I continued to watch her "play" in the leaves. She laid on her stomach for a while, then flipped on her side and laid there, posing if on a beach or something. I don't know who her audience was but I was dying with laughter. She piled little handfuls of leaves onto her legs and laughed at herself with so much satisfaction. I hadn't laughed like that in a while so I walked over and began to play in the leaves with her.

The next morning I ran into a co-worker of mine on my walk to work. She is a bit older than I and is always a cheery woman. She always says things like, "hey friend! How are you?" when she greets me. She's just so pleasant. Well anyway, we were talking about the little things our kids do or say that are funny (like maple syrup belly buttons or rolling in leaves or criticizing us for packing a sandwich yet again for lunch). When it came time for us to part ways she said, "I tell you what, I divorced my ex-husband 18 years ago and ya know, these babies were the only therapy I needed."

Her words have resonated with me over this week because she's right, she's absolutely right. When I am tired or bummed, these goofy kids have a way of lifting my spirits that very few others could do.

Yesterday, my little "Cowboy Tito" tried to fix my hair. He stole his baby sister's princess crown, put it in my hair and then proceeded to play with my hair; tangling it, yelling at me to sit still and to not talk (or he would mess up). It was really funny because I kept talking to try and figure out what he was doing and he kept throwing his arms down by his side, saying, "I can't work if you keep talking!" He then proceed to find little strips of blue ribbon and strategically place them in my hair. His seriousness and precision only made this encounter even more priceless.

These babies are the only therapy I need...instead of looking other places for joy, I need to refocus on the 15 treasures in front of me every day. They are all I need on a gloomy day and it's in sharing them and their stories that my gloominess disappears.

Outward Love

My last few posts have been self-driven and self-focused so today I really want to turn over a new leaf of outward love and share some things that have nothing to do with me.

There have been two major things that have happened this week that have warmed my heart and have helped remind me of the larger world I live in.

1) I was sitting in my cozy living room on Wednesday night, watching the news, when the show did a special on an event DC does every year for Thanksgiving. The event is a celebration of all those adopted that year. Kids from age newborn to 16 are shown with their new, adoptive parents and families. I didn't think much of it until I saw a clip of my student being held by her social worker and her 3-year-old brother being held by their grandmother. This was the same student I wrote about in my blog entitled, "Home". She got adopted by her grandmother!

Thinking about all she has been through in her short 5 years of life, I couldn't help but feel excited for her and what this means for her future. This little girl won't be scared to go home anymore; she'll have the support she needs at home and she'll have a great environment to grow up in. I am so happy for her and so thankful that everything worked out for her family.

2) I found out today that my Death Row inmate that I've been writing back and forth with as part of the "Death Row Support Project" has been relocated. My pen pal was sentenced to death after his conviction in 2006. He was granted a retrial in July of this year (because of a biased juror in his first trial) and I just found out the results today. My pen pal has always been honest with me about the crime he committed. He acknowledged that he did it and he entered a guilty plea in the retrial.

In July, he was found guilty but this time sentenced to life without parole. Because of the guilty plea he made, he didn't get the death penalty. I pray that one day the death penalty won't even be on the table for anyone. I pray one day that the death penalty won't even be a part of the equation. My pen pal isn't perfect and he did a terrible crime and my heart goes out to the victims, but an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I am happy that my friend can live a long life and try to make right by what he did.

I just wanted to share two snip-its of life that have made me smile. I hope all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We certainly have many things to be thankful for and many people around us to help remind us of the outward love we all deserve.

Thankful for Maple Syrup Belly Buttons

On the eve of the eve of Thanksgiving, thoughts of gratitude are swarming my brain.

During our writing lesson today, I tried to have my Kindergarten kids write about what they were thankful for and one of my high energy students shouted, "hey! My belly button smells like maple syrup!"

In that moment, her ADD and excitement over something unexpected is what I am grateful for this year.

I have my health, I have a wonderful family, always willing to challenge me yet also keep me grounded to who I am as a Conway. I have my students, who frustrate me only about half as often as they make me smile. I have a roof over my head and food in my refrigerator. I have two years of a service corps under my belt (i.e. two years of perspective, challenges, insight and love).

So even though my belly button does not smell like maple syrup, I have a lot to be thankful for.

However, this Thanksgiving seems to bring my heart and mind to pause a wee bit. I have spent Thanksgiving away from family before but this is the first one where I am spending the holiday by myself. I am excited for the time alone but all that time alone has made me more aware of the changes I've made in my life.

The distance between my family/friends and myself is more apparent now that I don't have a volunteer program to focus on. In short, I miss them. I miss being around friends who have been there through my awkward middle school years or friends who have seen me change through my college years. I miss the close-knit relationships I have back in Washington. I love the friends I have in DC, but it just isn't the same. Friends in Washington are getting married, having babies, starting new careers, moving, etc. and I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines, watching.

I decided to stay on the east coast because I wanted to challenge myself. I wanted to blaze my own path, without a volunteer program to direct me or family nearby to support me. I wanted to feel self-sufficient and independent. Well, I got it; I have it.

With that said, I am grateful for these past four months of self-sufficiency. I am grateful for the friends who have supported me before and during these past three years of east coast livin'. I am grateful for the children that broke my heart in Bridgeport and my current children in my Wolfpack classroom. I am grateful because all these experiences and people have helped me to realize that I belong on the west coast; my heart is there and my soul is there. It is my hope that after 5 years of living on the east coast is done, I will pack up a U-Haul and move back to Washington (that's 2015, if you're wondering).

I am grateful for so much and this time apart from those I love only amplifies that. I have been so fortunate and so blessed with the opportunities given to me. I thank God, my friends, my family and my co-workers for continuing to shape, challenge and support me. I am grateful for many things, especially little moments of unexpected silliness that help remind me to get excited about the little things, like maple syrup belly buttons.

Reflections on Turning 25

As a five-year-old, I remember imagining myself at 16; thinking, "wow, I'll be driving, hanging out with cool friends, carrying around a lot of heavy books and hanging out at my locker a ton." When 16 came, those ideas became sorta realities, with some obvious twists.

Now that I'm four days away from turning a quarter century old, I'm remembering what I thought of 25 when I was five years old.

By 25, I thought I'd be wise, mature, accomplished. I thought I would've owned a house, that I cooked in all the time and drove a car to fancy meetings every day and discussed important business things, using big business words. I can confidently say, most of those things haven't happened. And I can also confidently say, I am thankful that they haven't.

I am silly and giggly and I act much like a five-year-old still. I know I can have a serious conversation or laugh at some fart joke. So I guess the maturity thing might reach me by the time I reach 1/2 a century old. As for the rest, I can't imagine being that person right now. My life has had many twists and turns, more ups than downs and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have had the privilege to meet many people from coast to coast who inspire me to be a better version of myself and remind me of what truly matters. I have traveled to places I never thought imaginable. I have a loving and semi-strange family and a caring and humorous roommate. As well as some loyal and amazing friends from Washington (the state) to PA, to CT, to DC to NOLA. And I have found my calling within my vocation. I am blessed. I guess if these past 25 years have taught me anything, it's that blessings come in many forms and there are too many to count, if we choose to open our eyes to see them.

Some Thoughts/Words of Wisdom to my 5-Year-Old Self:
1) Never Stop Smiling
2) Love the ones You are With
3) When in Doubt, Wear the Onsie
4) Never Shy Away From an Adventure or a Chance to Learn
5) Be Kind to Your Siblings
6) Be Kind to Yourself
7) Never Let Anyone Cheapen You
8) Color Outside of the Lines Once in a While
9) Have Dance Parties as Often as Possible
10) Never Lose Sight of Your 5-Year-Old Self

My birthday party on Saturday is Kindergarten themed. I had the choice between doing a "Senior Citizen" party or a "Kindergarten" party and I think it's obvious why I chose the theme I did...I hope to never lose sight of my five-year-old self and I am excited to see what this new quarter century brings me.

For Your Viewing Pleasure:

(First Day of Kindergarten)