The Silent Walk Home

I am so fortunate that I get to walk home every day. I get to stroll to and from work and along the way, I get to pass by all sorts of interesting things like the garbage man, the postal worker who always says, "hello, you getting your mail alright?" dogs, rats, icy spots, parents walking their kids to school and of course, parents walking their kids home from school.

Now, I always preface everything that has to do with children with this: I am merely a teacher and have never been a parent; I do not know the stresses or joys of parenthood and therefore cannot judge the parenting skills of others. With that said, throughout my years of walking, I have noticed that the walk home between parent and child has fallen silent. Not only are parents walking yards away, with their 7-year-old trailing behind, jumping out of trees or running into garbage cans, but they aren't talking.

This discovery is sad for two reasons, 1) As a teacher, I have learned so much from my students. They seem to have an honesty and simplicity that makes life appear clearer. 2) Children are crying out for love and attention. The love and attention a simple conversation provides the backdrop for so much in their lives.

The equation for parenting isn't easy and certainly isn't going to be found in the annex of my blog, but as someone who is around children 40 hours a week, I believe talking to your children is a big part of that equation for success.

I went surfing the web only to find that:

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

The average parent spends 38.5 minutes per week in meaningful conversation with their children. (A.C. Nielsen Co.) - See more at: http://dinnertrade.com/568/interesting-statistics-on-family-dinners#sthash.EpmP9ktC.dpuf

"The average American parent spends 38.5 minutes having meaningful conversations with their children a week" (A.C. Nielson Co.)...friends, this is a little over 6 minutes a day. WHAT?!?!?! I think I take 6 minutes to wash my face and brush my teeth each morning! And my walk home is only 12 minutes long.

It's a known fact that with meaningful conversations with parents, children grow up knowing how to converse with their peers, co-workers, bosses and friends. They are more likely to go to college, have healthy romantic relationships and have a better quality of life. I know it's hard to fit in or even listen to a 4-year-old carry on and on and on about the new Cars movie or how Cinderella is the best princess because she has the best dress; but it's sooo incredibly important to invest in their thoughts and ideas early so they have a wonderful idea of their own self-worth.

There are a few things I do to keep me sane while I listen to their frazzled thoughts, that also help promote their growth:
* Stimulate children's curiosity and interest by asking lots of why and how questions. This helps children learn to verbalize their thoughts and feelings.

* Allow children to talk about themselves and what they like to do, their feelings and concerns, and how they feel about themselves. This will help to build an environment of trust and acceptance.

*Stop and listen. Don't just go "a-huh" or "yeah", actually listen and respond with recalling another time they shared a similar story or a book/movie you read together...help them make connections.

Again, I do not know anything about parenting but I know that only talking to your child for 6 minutes a day isn't a positive way to form a loving, giving, thoughtful and stimulating relationship with your child. All I'm saying is I wish more families I see on my walk home weren't so silent.

Relating to Sally

Went to Mass today as part of my new 2014 commitment to bettering myself. I hadn't been to Mass in DC in a while so going back to the church that helped me through my second year of JVC left me a little anxious. When walking into the church, I was greeted by two kind ushers, smiling and welcoming me in and as I looked to the front of the church, there they were...the St. Augustine's Gospel choir. To top it off, Fr. Paul was announced as the celebrant for Mass. It was as if God knew that I needed a huge dose of spiritual awakening today.

As Fr. Paul read the Gospel (a Gospel reading we all know well, Matthew 3: 13-17) about John the Baptist baptizing Jesus in the Jordan River, I thought, "alright, how is he going to spice this up with a message I haven't heard before?"

Well, he did. And the message was simple enough: "God loves you."

Fr. Paul spoke about how God's beaming down over John the Baptist and Jesus and saying, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased;” was God's proud Papa moment. Fr. Paul said, "I can just imagine God handing out cigars in heaven like a proud father. But the best part about this story is that God looks at each of us that way too."

Fr. Paul recalled his first year as a priest in Philadelphia and a confession he heard from a woman named Sally. She was a prostitute and did drugs. She had her profession to pay for her drug habit and as she confessed this to Fr. Paul he said he remembered thinking, "gosh, what in the world am I going to say to this woman? What could I possibly say to ease her pain?" And then it hit him - Matthew 3:17. Fr. Paul said to Sally, "Sally, I want you to say this ten times. I want you to say, 'This is my beloved daughter, with whom I am well pleased."

After about a minute of silence, he thought she had left without saying anything else to him so he said, "hello? Sally? Did you hear me?" He heard Sally take a deep breath in and say, through her quiet weeping, "but He knows what I do. He knows who I am. How could God ever think that of me?" 

Fr. Paul said, "God doesn't love what you do, He loves who you are. You are His daughter and He is happy you are home."

At this point, I started to cry in my pew. I was Sally. Sure, not a prostitute, and definitely not doing drugs; but I have skeletons, we all do and this sermon, this homily, showed me it was OK to come home because God is so very pleased with me and no matter what I am His daughter...no matter how long I go without going to church or how many skeletons I hide away, I am still His daughter.

Fr. Paul concluded the entire homily with: "As often as I preach on God's love and insist that God loves you, so many don't believe it. So many think that whatever they've done is more powerful than the love God has for them. This just isn't true. God wants you to be home and the devil's only job is to keep you from home...to keep God's love hidden from you. Don't be a stranger, don't let the devil win; because you are God's daughter, you are God's son, with whom He is well pleased."

Fr. Paul records all of his homilies - here is a link below - this most recent one isn't posted yet:
http://friarpaul.podbean.com/

26 in 2014

Merely three days back on the east coast and you know what I've noticed? Although the temperatures are comparable to those in Boise, it seems colder here. Although there is a stronger windchill and definitely more snow in Boise, it seems more frigid here. My heart and soul were warmer in Boise.

Although Boise certainly isn't my home, my parents are. This most recent visit has solidified that thought for me. My brother told me on the phone tonight that he sits back and watches me interact with others and thinks, "man, what an empowered, loving and giving woman she is." I am staunchly independent, incredibly playful, compassionate to a fault, painfully stubborn and eager to learn, but my parents, well, my parents are my heartbeat. Their words, their passion, their love and their zest for life runs through my veins. In fact, it seems unfair for me to even take a shred of credit for the person they have created and fostered.

In the two weeks I was home, I tried to soak it all in. Soak in their wisdom, their silliness, their strength, their oddities, their love and like a well written book, I was left wanting more.

I am very blessed. I am an incredibly blessed woman because I have such a unique and open relationship with my parents. I spent New Years Eve with them, eating fondue, drinking Sam Adams' finest and gobbling up left over pumpkin pie. We rang in the New Year and at 12:05am, promptly went to bed. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

During my two weeks "home", my parents and I had some of the most fruitful conversations and some of the most silly (a-hem Scarlet Fever a-hem) conversations of my life. At the end of those two weeks, after three days back, I feel that my desires as a 26-year-old seems to boil down to this:

1) Love. I want strong, supportive, loving and heart-warming relationships in my life. I don't want to half-ass anyone. I want those that I love to know that I love them and why.
2) Joy. Like pee-your-pants, over-the-moon, smile uncontrollably, joy. Nothing thaws a winter storm faster than a group of people basking in each other's joy.
3) Taking advantage. When opportunities arise, coin the phrase, "there's no time like the present." On the grand scale, I am going to Europe this summer. On the small scale, I am writing a postcard to a friend every week. I want to build on my joy and love I have in my life so I need to take advantage of the wonderful people God has gifted me in my life. OR when someone calls, I no longer hit the "ignore" button. Taking advantage of opportunities, joy and love and seeking those opportunities are my major action step as a 26-year-old.
4) Embracing myself. God made me; He gifted me with my parents to raise me into this woman I am. Who I am to throw it away or hide it. I wear onsies, I love Jeopardy and shoes with good arch support, I am engrossed by puzzles, love the smell of rain, love children's movies and trashy TV and Top 40 music; I cry in every movie, sing flat most of the time, think my voice is too nasally and I bite my nails. But I love people; I believe in people and I believe that we all belong to each other...26 is about embracing all of that.

26 in 2014 is about thawing my heart when it's away from my home. 26 in 2014 is about loving joy and living to the fullest while embracing every imperfection, because at this point, let's face it, am I going to change that much? 26 in 2014 is about being grateful. Grateful to God, grateful to friends and most importantly, grateful to the two human beings that I had the privilege of bringing in 2014 with. I feel it in my bones. It's time. Things are beginning to thaw out, out east.