Birdwalking a Bit

So sometimes you just have to write...well, sometimes I just have to write. Writing is my outlet, my stress reliever, my way of sorting things through and my way of dealing/coping. So right now, at 9:18am in my office, in between looking up trivia facts for my seniors, I am writing. It is not en entry to my gratitude journal, but it's been on my mind a lot lately so I figured if I wanted to purge my mind of these thoughts, getting down on "paper" would be a good start.

I am reminded of a quote I read in Kathryn Stockett's, "The Help" when Miss Skeeter has found out some not-so-nice things about the man (Stuart) she is seeing and they break up. Stuart comes over to her house after a few weeks to try and make amends, she considers it but as she's heading back inside Miss Skeeter's mother (who has been urging her to marry Stuart from the beginning) tells her this:

"Don't let him cheapen you." -Skeeter's Mother
I look back at her, eye her suspiciously.... Sorry is the fool who ever underestimates my mother. -Skeeter
"If Stuart doesn't know how intelligent and kind I raised you to be, he can march straight on back to State Street.... Frankly, I don't care much for Stuart. He doesn't know how lucky he was to have you." -Skeeter's Mother (p. 357)

Now this quote hits me straight to my core because I have my past of interesting relationship decisions (good and bad) and my array of personality types I've dated. In retrospect, the most recent one began out of mediocrity. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a while, was kinda interested in this guy and just thought, "why not?" But within the "why not?" mentality I opened the door for him to cheapen me. This post isn't going to turn into a rant and rave or bashing on this fellow but let me just say, I have a tendency to take a lot of crap from people in general, especially those I am most connected with...and I took a lot of crap from him. At the end of my year in Bridgeport, I couldn't help but feel cheapened; almost less of a person. This book came just in time and this quote appeared at the right moment in my life. I let him cheapen me because he didn't see the "intelligent and kind" person my parents raised me to be.

Now, I am a firm believer in everything being a learning experience so I don't carry any bad thoughts about the situation but I now understand that "settling" or just being with someone out of boredom or pressure to have a man can do more damage than I thought. I figured, "hey, it's just a time filler. Not a big deal or anything." But in investing time into someone who didn't appreciate all the nifty things about me, I allowed my self-worth to be a casualty and therefore, felt cheapened. It's funny how much power we willingly give some people over us; how their words can carry so much weight than those that have known us for decades (odd I can use that large measurement of time). I guess my take away point is this: never let someone have so much power over you, that you forget about the kind, intelligent, passionate, loving, beautiful, enthusiastic, vivacious, energetic, emotional, humorous, crazy person your parents raised you to be. I feel like if my mama would've been in Bridgeport with me last year, she would've said, "Katie, don't let him cheapen you" and she would've added to it: "because you are worth so much to so many people who love you."