Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I am learning, I am constantly growing and developing as a person. My newest lesson I'm learning how to grieve. I lost a friend this past weekend; the Shehan Center lost a great role model and the world lost a bright star. She pushed me to be myself and stand up for myself and always believed in me. She taught me the dance moves to "Super Bass" by Nikki Minaj and "Girls" by Beyonce. She always made fun of my "whiteness" but also appreciated me for it. She was a strong, beautiful, wonderful human being who always danced like no one was watching.

The whys, the what-ifs, the hows have faded by now and am I now left with an tiny empty spot, where my friend used to fill. Through the moments of sadness and the moments she pops into my head throughout my day, I feel like my faith has only gotten stronger because of her tragic passing.

Sunday and Monday were difficult but as I looked at my schedule for the week ahead of me, I noticed a trend. Each day, God's hand was carrying me along the way because I had some form of support visiting my house each day. Bill was Tuesday, my spiritual director was Wednesday, my local support people were Thursday and my JVC supervisor was Friday-Monday. God's hand and whole being was actively working in my life. Although I am mourning her passing and missing her; I have an overwhelming feeling that I am being taken care of. My core is free-er, more open, more willing to let God lead me; to let God carry me.

I was telling my spiritual director yesterday that I have never felt this kind of peace before. My soul has relinquished control and offered everything up to God and I've never felt that before. My heart feels open; broken, but open, and ready for God to drive for a while. I've never felt that kind of relaxation and peace before.

My spiritual director kept asking me, "where is God in that? Where did you feel or see God in that?" This is how I choose to remember my friend, this is how I choose to honor and celebrate her life: I will see God in "it", I will strive to find God in all things and dance like no one is watching.

RIP Chantel Osorio ~ March 16, 1987 - March 17, 2012