This week was Teacher Appreciation week and I didn't really understand what that meant until yesterday.
Tuesday, the parents of our students brought us desserts and cards, Wednesday, we had lunch provided to us from the admin. staff, Thursday was picture day and Friday was breakfast and all other types of yum yums for all teachers throughout the entire day. It was wonderful and it made me definitely feel appreciated.
On Wednesday, one of my little ones, Nala*, was extra hyperactive. Now, Nala is the youngest child in my class, she is a social butterfly, she is always jumping up from her seat, calling out and butting into disciplinary things (she'll "back me up" when I'm disciplining a student). She has intense ADD and when she's not getting an answer correct or is being disciplined, she pouts; she's a hard core pouter. I've been trying to break her of the pouting all year. It's been a long and challenging battle; and Wednesday was a rough pouting, calling out, hyperactive day for Nala.
So I tried a different angle. I pulled her out of class, had her sit in a chair and I squatted down to her level and said, "Listen, Nala, we need to work on something. You know what we need to work on?" (cue pouting as she shakes her head no). "Well, we need to work on not calling out. Our brains can't grow if we're calling out, can they?" (still pouting, she doesn't respond - insert different angle here).
"You're not in trouble, Nala, I just want to talk...you wanna know a secret that Mr. McMahon doesn't even know about?" (she perks up). "Well, I was just like you when I was 4. I called out, I would get so excited about talking to my friends and yelling out the answer. I was just like you. I wanted to talk to everyone." (she smiles, "Ms. Katie, you were? Are we like twins?")
I laughed but explained, "Nala, I know it's hard. It's really hard, but that's why I want to help you, OK? We'll help remind each other not to call out, OK?" (She jumped down from the chair, gave me a huge hug and yelled, "Thank you, Ms. Katie!")
I'm not sure if she got it, but in that moment, I did. 20 years later, I get it. Thank you, Mrs. Macher, Mrs. Derryberry, Ms. Neleigh, Ms. Wolf, Mr. Ferris and Mrs. Farr for being so incredibly patient with my ADD self. Thank you for exhausting every option and trying every possible strategy to get me to stay in my seat, stop calling out and having side conversations. I get it now. I know you were probably frustrated with me, I wasn't always your favorite student either, for that matter, and I'm sure you just wished I could park it and shut up sometimes; but thank you. You never showed it. You never made me feel isolated or like a burden. I am a a better teacher and person because of the patience you showed to me. I am able to help Nala because of you.
I was thinking about how students usually go back and talk to their teachers after they've graduated from high school. Ya know, to check in, catch up and thank them. Well, that doesn't really happen for Elementary teachers. I mean, I've never gone back to see any of my Elementary teachers; none of the amazing people listed above who essentially navigated my social skills and behavior. So in honor of teacher appreciation week, I want to thank them and even though I can't go back tomorrow to thank you in person, thank you for your patience and kindness with me. You do a lot and work really hard and I appreciate all your hard work and investment in me.
*Name has been changed
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Fishers of Love
Today's gospel was John 21: 1-19 in which Jesus comes to His disciples after he had been raised from the dead and they are all fishing. Their nets are empty and they are basically stinking at the whole fishing gig. Jesus tells them to throw their nets off the other side of the boat and low and behold, they catch a lot of fish. Then, they look on the shore and there's Jesus, just chillin' on the beach with some fish cooking over the fire. The disciples go and join Him and Jesus tells them to tend to His sheep, to watch His flock.
I am reminded of Matthew 4:19 - " He said to them, Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men" during this time because when Jesus first gathers His posse, He does so in Matthew 4:19 when they're fishing. Now, in the end, He meets them once again, fishing. And the message He has to send is about the same, take care of my people, evangelize, spread the good word, but most of all, tend to them, love them.
I clearly cannot fish and I certainly am not the best speaker for the Catholic Church but I can talk about what I do know, what each of us in one way or another, knows: love.
Evangelizing scares me and I don't like it. I feel like it's a heavily weighted word and I just associate negative feelings toward it so when I read these passages, I want to put my own spin on it by thinking, what can I do as a fisherlady? What net could I use? How could I spread more of God's great message (without an agenda) of love, peace, respect, kindness and compassion?
Tackling Jesus' messages can be cumbersome at times because I struggle to break it down into something more attainable for me; something more within my abilities. But today, I think I might've figured out a net I could use. Instead of fishing for people, I want to fish for love. I want to pull the love out of people and expose it for all of its confusing yet wonderful, beauty. In the simplest of ways, do we tell those around us that we love them? Do we tell our friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends/girlfriends why we love them? That's a good start...that's merely casting a net of love and hoping to scoop up some warm fuzzies while doing it.
It's important to take it another step further too, though. We can't just be in the business of fishing for love for ourselves. What good is it if it's not shared? Here's where I really want to stretch my fishing license, I want to point out the love others show each other. For example, stopping one of my students at lunch and asking him/her why they love another student in our class. Or thanking strangers for holding the door for me. Or striking up a conversation with someone who looks lonely or frustrated or tired. Being friendly, being kind, being compassionate, being not just the fisherlady, but also the net of love being thrown out for the world to get caught up in.
Wouldn't it be a beautiful world if everyone was wrapped up in that same net of love and we all strove to be fishers of love instead of pessimism, selfishness, greed or negativity? I pray for that world for my students and for you.
I am reminded of Matthew 4:19 - " He said to them, Come after me, and I will make you fishers of men" during this time because when Jesus first gathers His posse, He does so in Matthew 4:19 when they're fishing. Now, in the end, He meets them once again, fishing. And the message He has to send is about the same, take care of my people, evangelize, spread the good word, but most of all, tend to them, love them.
I clearly cannot fish and I certainly am not the best speaker for the Catholic Church but I can talk about what I do know, what each of us in one way or another, knows: love.
Evangelizing scares me and I don't like it. I feel like it's a heavily weighted word and I just associate negative feelings toward it so when I read these passages, I want to put my own spin on it by thinking, what can I do as a fisherlady? What net could I use? How could I spread more of God's great message (without an agenda) of love, peace, respect, kindness and compassion?
Tackling Jesus' messages can be cumbersome at times because I struggle to break it down into something more attainable for me; something more within my abilities. But today, I think I might've figured out a net I could use. Instead of fishing for people, I want to fish for love. I want to pull the love out of people and expose it for all of its confusing yet wonderful, beauty. In the simplest of ways, do we tell those around us that we love them? Do we tell our friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends/girlfriends why we love them? That's a good start...that's merely casting a net of love and hoping to scoop up some warm fuzzies while doing it.
It's important to take it another step further too, though. We can't just be in the business of fishing for love for ourselves. What good is it if it's not shared? Here's where I really want to stretch my fishing license, I want to point out the love others show each other. For example, stopping one of my students at lunch and asking him/her why they love another student in our class. Or thanking strangers for holding the door for me. Or striking up a conversation with someone who looks lonely or frustrated or tired. Being friendly, being kind, being compassionate, being not just the fisherlady, but also the net of love being thrown out for the world to get caught up in.
Wouldn't it be a beautiful world if everyone was wrapped up in that same net of love and we all strove to be fishers of love instead of pessimism, selfishness, greed or negativity? I pray for that world for my students and for you.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Kinship
Spring break (or as my co-teacher likes to call it, SB13) ended last night. After my trip to Detroit, I didn't really think anything could top my list of awesome experiences, until Sunday night.
I went to Mass at 5:30pm at the more "well to do" church in DC. Only reason I was there was to witness an amazing man speak about his experiences with faith and service. Friends, I had the privilege of meeting and listening to, Fr. Greg Boyle.
If the name doesn't sound familiar that's fine, if it slightly rings a bell, even better. Let me help you. Fr. Greg Boyle founded Homeboy industries in a rough part of LA. 27 years ago he became distraught with the reality that he was burying man after man, homie after homie, because of gang violence and he decided to do something about it. With his calm poise, perfectly timed humor and immense love, he wrote the book, Tattoos on the Heart. I read it last year and fell in love. No other book will ever compare and I highly recommend anyone and everyone to read it.
Fr. G (as the homies call him) presided over Mass and then at 7:30pm hosted a talk about faith and service. The overarching theme being kinship. People kept asking for a formula or a secret answer to make their organization thrive more or their service more pungent and he continuously and patiently responded with: kinship. "When people join a gang, it's not because they have hope, it's not because they have things going for them; it's because they're running away from something, they're lacking hope, they're lacking kinship." -Fr. G
He told a beautiful story about how he had given a talk a few years ago in DC and brought two homies with him. He brought one that had been so badly beaten and mistreated by his mother that he thought he was worth nothing...so he fled to a gang. As this homie and Fr. G toured around DC in their free time, they visited the Holocaust Museum. When they reconvened in the lobby, the homie noticed a man sitting at a table, reading, with an empty chair next to him and a sign that read: "Holocaust Survivor". The homie looked at Fr. G and said, "hey, man, I'm going to go talk to him."
So they began talking and Fr. G stood in the background, a little embarrassed and they listened to this man talk about how he barely survived Auschwitz. He described seeing his sisters murdered and the homie said, "yeah man, I had to watch my best friend get shot." And then the Holocaust survivor described getting beaten for saying one little thing or for being out of line and the homie said, "yeah, my moms used to beat me until I couldn't see straight."
When they were done talking, Fr. G asked the homie, "let me get this straight, you were trying to compare your experiences growing up to this man surviving the Holocaust?"
The homie looked at him and said, "no, man, no. I wasn't trying to compete...I was trying to relate to him."
Kinship.
It's what we all search for. It's what we all long for. It's what the heart needs and desires. There is no secret formula or magic pill to solve the world's problems but their is a basic need a basic desire we each can strive to be for other people: kin. Instead of us vs. them; it's about brotherhood, sisterhood, finding the relation between us all and building kinship out of that.
I went to Mass at 5:30pm at the more "well to do" church in DC. Only reason I was there was to witness an amazing man speak about his experiences with faith and service. Friends, I had the privilege of meeting and listening to, Fr. Greg Boyle.
If the name doesn't sound familiar that's fine, if it slightly rings a bell, even better. Let me help you. Fr. Greg Boyle founded Homeboy industries in a rough part of LA. 27 years ago he became distraught with the reality that he was burying man after man, homie after homie, because of gang violence and he decided to do something about it. With his calm poise, perfectly timed humor and immense love, he wrote the book, Tattoos on the Heart. I read it last year and fell in love. No other book will ever compare and I highly recommend anyone and everyone to read it.
Fr. G (as the homies call him) presided over Mass and then at 7:30pm hosted a talk about faith and service. The overarching theme being kinship. People kept asking for a formula or a secret answer to make their organization thrive more or their service more pungent and he continuously and patiently responded with: kinship. "When people join a gang, it's not because they have hope, it's not because they have things going for them; it's because they're running away from something, they're lacking hope, they're lacking kinship." -Fr. G
He told a beautiful story about how he had given a talk a few years ago in DC and brought two homies with him. He brought one that had been so badly beaten and mistreated by his mother that he thought he was worth nothing...so he fled to a gang. As this homie and Fr. G toured around DC in their free time, they visited the Holocaust Museum. When they reconvened in the lobby, the homie noticed a man sitting at a table, reading, with an empty chair next to him and a sign that read: "Holocaust Survivor". The homie looked at Fr. G and said, "hey, man, I'm going to go talk to him."
So they began talking and Fr. G stood in the background, a little embarrassed and they listened to this man talk about how he barely survived Auschwitz. He described seeing his sisters murdered and the homie said, "yeah man, I had to watch my best friend get shot." And then the Holocaust survivor described getting beaten for saying one little thing or for being out of line and the homie said, "yeah, my moms used to beat me until I couldn't see straight."
When they were done talking, Fr. G asked the homie, "let me get this straight, you were trying to compare your experiences growing up to this man surviving the Holocaust?"
The homie looked at him and said, "no, man, no. I wasn't trying to compete...I was trying to relate to him."
Kinship.
It's what we all search for. It's what we all long for. It's what the heart needs and desires. There is no secret formula or magic pill to solve the world's problems but their is a basic need a basic desire we each can strive to be for other people: kin. Instead of us vs. them; it's about brotherhood, sisterhood, finding the relation between us all and building kinship out of that.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Speramus Meliora - Resurget Cineribus
Speramus Meliora - Resurget Cineribus : "We hope for better things - It will rise from the ashes"
These interesting Latin words are the motto inscribed on the Detroit seal and flag. They were written by Gabriel Richard after the fire of 1805. The fire caused the entire city to burn with only one building saved from the flames. The words intended for the 1805 fire, still ring true today.
As I headed into Detroit, I was excited and nervous to see what the blemish of America would look like. I'm sure you've heard the same things I've heard: crime, poverty, murder, broken glass, danger, etc. When I got there, my brother gave me an incredibly well rounded view of the city.
In its prime, Detroit was the motor capitol of the world. The assembly line, Ford, GM and anything car related was in Detroit. Which in turn, meant it housed over 5 million people at one point. Now, a mere skeleton of the city remains. There are maybe 500,000 people living there now and the motor industry is all but gutted.
We drove through neighborhood after neighborhood of empty, abandoned homes. It was like a bomb had hit and people fled; leaving everything behind. It costs too much to knock the houses down so there they stand, remembering the people who once inhabited them and hoping for better things.
At one point, we drove through Highland Park. The most impoverished part of Detroit. They have no electricity for their street lights because it costs too much and the schools have all shut down. It was crazy to think that kids currently lived here, did their homework here, played here, ate dinner with their families here, all while nestled among the abandoned homes and darkened street lights.
But, amidst the shambles and the emptiness, was hope. People turning empty lots into gardens, people making abandoned homes into artwork, people trying to rebuild, trying to rise from the ashes. It reminded me of a way larger scale of Bridgeport, CT.
On Easter, we went to Mass at a church that my brother had warned me about. He said, "Katie, last time I was here, you could see the sky through the roof because of all the holes. So if it rains, pick a seat with a roof over it." So when we walked in, I was humbled by the simplicity of the church and awe struck by the warmth I felt. Each parishioner greeted us and made us feel welcome. At the sign of the peace, it was a good 15 minutes of EVERYONE greeting each other and wishing them a happy Easter. I felt love. I felt warmth. I felt hope; right there, in the ashes.
Coming away from Detroit, my views are changed. Yes, it probably is dangerous. But we can't shy away from a city that needs so much support. They don't need my sympathy, they don't need my love, they have plenty of that. There's so much Detroit pride that I can't help but want to be swept up in it. The people are beautiful, the strength is admirable and the warmth of 500,000 in a city that swallows them whole is unlike any other warmth I've ever felt, even if it is having to fight to rise from the ashes.
Speramus Meliora - Resurget Cineribus
These interesting Latin words are the motto inscribed on the Detroit seal and flag. They were written by Gabriel Richard after the fire of 1805. The fire caused the entire city to burn with only one building saved from the flames. The words intended for the 1805 fire, still ring true today.
As I headed into Detroit, I was excited and nervous to see what the blemish of America would look like. I'm sure you've heard the same things I've heard: crime, poverty, murder, broken glass, danger, etc. When I got there, my brother gave me an incredibly well rounded view of the city.
In its prime, Detroit was the motor capitol of the world. The assembly line, Ford, GM and anything car related was in Detroit. Which in turn, meant it housed over 5 million people at one point. Now, a mere skeleton of the city remains. There are maybe 500,000 people living there now and the motor industry is all but gutted.
We drove through neighborhood after neighborhood of empty, abandoned homes. It was like a bomb had hit and people fled; leaving everything behind. It costs too much to knock the houses down so there they stand, remembering the people who once inhabited them and hoping for better things.
At one point, we drove through Highland Park. The most impoverished part of Detroit. They have no electricity for their street lights because it costs too much and the schools have all shut down. It was crazy to think that kids currently lived here, did their homework here, played here, ate dinner with their families here, all while nestled among the abandoned homes and darkened street lights.
But, amidst the shambles and the emptiness, was hope. People turning empty lots into gardens, people making abandoned homes into artwork, people trying to rebuild, trying to rise from the ashes. It reminded me of a way larger scale of Bridgeport, CT.
On Easter, we went to Mass at a church that my brother had warned me about. He said, "Katie, last time I was here, you could see the sky through the roof because of all the holes. So if it rains, pick a seat with a roof over it." So when we walked in, I was humbled by the simplicity of the church and awe struck by the warmth I felt. Each parishioner greeted us and made us feel welcome. At the sign of the peace, it was a good 15 minutes of EVERYONE greeting each other and wishing them a happy Easter. I felt love. I felt warmth. I felt hope; right there, in the ashes.
Coming away from Detroit, my views are changed. Yes, it probably is dangerous. But we can't shy away from a city that needs so much support. They don't need my sympathy, they don't need my love, they have plenty of that. There's so much Detroit pride that I can't help but want to be swept up in it. The people are beautiful, the strength is admirable and the warmth of 500,000 in a city that swallows them whole is unlike any other warmth I've ever felt, even if it is having to fight to rise from the ashes.
Speramus Meliora - Resurget Cineribus
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Holy Week
It's Holy Week, friends! This year, it's been an interesting Lenten ride for sure.
Last year, a wonderful, amazing, beautiful friend (yes, Kelsey, it's you) sent me this calendar to help with making Lent more meaningful. So this year, I decided to pick it up again, but 2013 style. (here's the link: http://bustedhalo.com/features/fast-pray-give-2013)
My favorite reflection so far was the one for February 25th. The quote by Danial Day Lewis is great, but the reflection hits me the most. His quote: "I like things that make you grit your teeth. I like tucking my chin in and sort of leading into the storm." — Daniel Day-Lewis
The reflection:
FAST from making excuses for not getting a difficult task done.
PRAY for the courage to lean into an uncomfortable situation.
GIVE your support today to someone who is in a tough leadership position.
I think this one speaks to me because it's the skill I have always lacked the most. I always pray for God to speak through me and to help me speak the words He wants me to say; but I never specifically say, "hey look, big Guy, I need help with standing up for myself. I need help leaning into the storm."
Yet, during this Lenten season, I feel like so many little storms have popped up and I've had no choice but to lean into them. Sure, I tried to reroute and avoid the storms completely, but bottling them up or pushing them aside put me even deeper into a mess. When I think of nestling up to the difficult and ugly things in life (like standing up for myself against bullies, supervisors and acquaintances) I am scared straight.
About two weeks ago I had to stand up for myself and the mere thought of talking to this guy made me tremble. Before I called him, I looked at myself in the mirror and prayed, "God, speak through me and help me speak the words You want me to say; the words this guy needs to hear." Low and behold, I was still scared to call this dude, but courage was there; tenacity and strength were there and I didn't budge on my position one bit during our conversation. I can't help but think God gave me the words I needed to say because otherwise I would've been a bumbling idiot.
Subconsciously, I think I've always viewed standing up for myself as being difficult or mean or needy; and I've never wanted to be labeled as unkind. But in reality, upon reflection, I am realizing that in standing up for myself, I am honoring the principles and the person God created. I am respecting myself and the gift God made in me. Now, how is that unkind? How is that being mean? I think changing my outlook helps me to advocate for myself and helps me form stronger and better bonds with those around me.
So I guess this Lenten season's theme for me is courage. It should be a no brainer because Jesus had to have incredible courage to willingly be crucified but I have never thought of it that way. Jesus stood on his principles, stood up to bullies and supervisors and He is the reason for Lent. So in taking a page out of Daniel Day-Lewis' book, I am tucking my chin in and leaning into the storm.
***Lastly, the "Give" part of the reflection for Palm Sunday was "Tell three people why you love them today." When I'm done posting, I'm going to complete that challenge. I hope you will do the same.
Last year, a wonderful, amazing, beautiful friend (yes, Kelsey, it's you) sent me this calendar to help with making Lent more meaningful. So this year, I decided to pick it up again, but 2013 style. (here's the link: http://bustedhalo.com/features/fast-pray-give-2013)
My favorite reflection so far was the one for February 25th. The quote by Danial Day Lewis is great, but the reflection hits me the most. His quote: "I like things that make you grit your teeth. I like tucking my chin in and sort of leading into the storm." — Daniel Day-Lewis
The reflection:
FAST from making excuses for not getting a difficult task done.
PRAY for the courage to lean into an uncomfortable situation.
GIVE your support today to someone who is in a tough leadership position.
I think this one speaks to me because it's the skill I have always lacked the most. I always pray for God to speak through me and to help me speak the words He wants me to say; but I never specifically say, "hey look, big Guy, I need help with standing up for myself. I need help leaning into the storm."
Yet, during this Lenten season, I feel like so many little storms have popped up and I've had no choice but to lean into them. Sure, I tried to reroute and avoid the storms completely, but bottling them up or pushing them aside put me even deeper into a mess. When I think of nestling up to the difficult and ugly things in life (like standing up for myself against bullies, supervisors and acquaintances) I am scared straight.
About two weeks ago I had to stand up for myself and the mere thought of talking to this guy made me tremble. Before I called him, I looked at myself in the mirror and prayed, "God, speak through me and help me speak the words You want me to say; the words this guy needs to hear." Low and behold, I was still scared to call this dude, but courage was there; tenacity and strength were there and I didn't budge on my position one bit during our conversation. I can't help but think God gave me the words I needed to say because otherwise I would've been a bumbling idiot.
Subconsciously, I think I've always viewed standing up for myself as being difficult or mean or needy; and I've never wanted to be labeled as unkind. But in reality, upon reflection, I am realizing that in standing up for myself, I am honoring the principles and the person God created. I am respecting myself and the gift God made in me. Now, how is that unkind? How is that being mean? I think changing my outlook helps me to advocate for myself and helps me form stronger and better bonds with those around me.
So I guess this Lenten season's theme for me is courage. It should be a no brainer because Jesus had to have incredible courage to willingly be crucified but I have never thought of it that way. Jesus stood on his principles, stood up to bullies and supervisors and He is the reason for Lent. So in taking a page out of Daniel Day-Lewis' book, I am tucking my chin in and leaning into the storm.
***Lastly, the "Give" part of the reflection for Palm Sunday was "Tell three people why you love them today." When I'm done posting, I'm going to complete that challenge. I hope you will do the same.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Almost a Year
It's been almost a year since her 24th birthday.
Almost a year since kids laughed at her goofy dance moves.
Almost a year since her booming voice resonated with those around her.
Almost a year since she told a dirty joke.
Almost a year since she hugged a friend.
Almost a year since she kissed a boo-boo.
Almost a year since she called someone out for poor life choices.
Almost a year since her mother heard her voice.
Almost a year since she motivated friends to greatness.
Almost a year since I got an encouraging text from her.
Almost a year and it still hurts.
My dad told me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me: "Without a hurt, a heart feels hollow."
This particular hurt has been with me for almost a year now. And although the hurt has eased up a bit, she's still with me; especially with the anniversary just around the corner. It's crazy to think what Chantel would be doing now. She would've graduated from college, been a nurse, living hard and loving even harder. She'd be sprinting to her 25th birthday, embracing the landmark year and looking fabulous. It's even crazier to think of what she'd be saying to me.
Chantel was such a spit fire. She and I got along so well because we balanced each other out: she didn't take crap from anyone and I taught her patience. Between the two of us, we grew and learned a lot from one another. She was 5'0" but had the personality of a giant. She had opinions and wasn't afraid to let them be known to anyone at any volume. But she loved hard too. Oh, did she love.
The kids were everything to her. She was in charge of the older girls and it was obvious how much they looked up to her. They idolized her tenacity, her courage, her humor and her ability to talk to men like they were nothing to be afraid of. Who are we kidding? I envied her ability to do that as well.
We would probably be laughing and crying; two things we were very good at. We would probably be having a deep conversation about our dreams or goals or dumb decisions with men. She'd always tell me, usually with tears in her eyes, "Katie, you are the nicest person I have ever met and I am willing to butcher any man who takes advantage of your kindness." But that was Chantel, a sweet compliment with a side of irreverence. I truly loved her as a friend and try to carry some of her spunk with me. Whenever I feel on the verge of being a doormat to others, I think of her and what she would be yelling at me.
I can't believe she's been gone for a almost a year. I can't believe the hurt is still there, under 365 days of life since her death. But, I guess that hurt serves as an incredible reminder that my heart isn't hollow and will never be as long as I carry her tenacious spirit with me. I love and miss you today and every day, Channy, thank you for the life you lived and the spirit you left behind.
Almost a year since kids laughed at her goofy dance moves.
Almost a year since her booming voice resonated with those around her.
Almost a year since she told a dirty joke.
Almost a year since she hugged a friend.
Almost a year since she kissed a boo-boo.
Almost a year since she called someone out for poor life choices.
Almost a year since her mother heard her voice.
Almost a year since she motivated friends to greatness.
Almost a year since I got an encouraging text from her.
Almost a year and it still hurts.
My dad told me a quote yesterday that really resonated with me: "Without a hurt, a heart feels hollow."
This particular hurt has been with me for almost a year now. And although the hurt has eased up a bit, she's still with me; especially with the anniversary just around the corner. It's crazy to think what Chantel would be doing now. She would've graduated from college, been a nurse, living hard and loving even harder. She'd be sprinting to her 25th birthday, embracing the landmark year and looking fabulous. It's even crazier to think of what she'd be saying to me.
Chantel was such a spit fire. She and I got along so well because we balanced each other out: she didn't take crap from anyone and I taught her patience. Between the two of us, we grew and learned a lot from one another. She was 5'0" but had the personality of a giant. She had opinions and wasn't afraid to let them be known to anyone at any volume. But she loved hard too. Oh, did she love.
The kids were everything to her. She was in charge of the older girls and it was obvious how much they looked up to her. They idolized her tenacity, her courage, her humor and her ability to talk to men like they were nothing to be afraid of. Who are we kidding? I envied her ability to do that as well.
We would probably be laughing and crying; two things we were very good at. We would probably be having a deep conversation about our dreams or goals or dumb decisions with men. She'd always tell me, usually with tears in her eyes, "Katie, you are the nicest person I have ever met and I am willing to butcher any man who takes advantage of your kindness." But that was Chantel, a sweet compliment with a side of irreverence. I truly loved her as a friend and try to carry some of her spunk with me. Whenever I feel on the verge of being a doormat to others, I think of her and what she would be yelling at me.
I can't believe she's been gone for a almost a year. I can't believe the hurt is still there, under 365 days of life since her death. But, I guess that hurt serves as an incredible reminder that my heart isn't hollow and will never be as long as I carry her tenacious spirit with me. I love and miss you today and every day, Channy, thank you for the life you lived and the spirit you left behind.
 | |
| 3/16/1988 - 3/17/2012 |
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Investing in Service
It's Sunday! And I am actually posting on time this time! hahaha...
This week we had a campus wide staff meeting about our school's expansion. If you don't know, my school is expanding their charter and will add 1st grade next year, 2nd grade in 2014 and so on, all the way up to 5th grade. So the meeting was held to inform us on the changes and served as an opportunity to ask questions and brainstorm ideas for the school's future.
About an hour into the meeting, the founder of my school split our 45-person staff into four groups to discuss four major topics. Each group was assigned one topic. My topic: Embracing Diversity. As we started discussing the ways to cultivate awareness and pride in each culture in our school, we also discussed how special needs seminars and workshops should be offered as well to help educate the people (including staff) of our school.
Once that streamline of thought started to fizzle out, I suggested social justice and what that could look like in terms of diversity of world views and societal views to our kids. The founder of my school was sitting in on this part of the conversation and she asked me to expand on my thought process.
After two years of being engrossed in social justice and spreading knowledge and stories of experience, I jumped at the opportunity to take the floor. So I dove in. I explained how as teachers we are more than educators of academics but we also want to raise kind, thoughtful, giving, socially aware human beings as well. I through some ideas out there like: campus wide dedication to service. For example: Kindergarten writes letters every month to different nursing homes, veterans hospitals, etc. 1st Grade: Cleans up the school or neighborhood. and it keeps going until they get to 4th or 5th Grade where, the ball is now in their court and they have to brainstorm a service project to plan out and implement...i.e. coat drives, getting stop signs put up in areas that need them, etc.
The founder of my school started to get really excited about this and asked me if we could even take it a step further and develop a curriculum around what social justice is. I felt on fire with ideas and starting spitting out: well, we could have different populations each month like homelessness, the environment, the elderly, low income children, immigration, gender equality, etc. The founder of my school pulled me aside after the meeting and asked if I wanted to sit on the committee for this topic and I emphatically agreed.
To get to my point. Through my time with Agape, I realized how much children can do and how little we think they can do. I always underestimate the power of a child; but to be perfectly frank , their idealism, their creativity, their excitement, their lack of bitterness (that comes with aging) is what will change the world for the better. I don't want to wait until kids are 15 to start promoting social justice driven actions, I want to start at 5. I want a 5-year-old to look at a homeless person and think, "wait, I learned about this in school...he's just like me;" instead of whatever stereotype that could possibly be ingrained into their brains thereafter. I want to beat the stereotype to the punch. I want to invest in kindness and love for ones neighbor as much as we invest in reading, writing and math. Because what good are the academia if the person is selfish, rude, mean and uncaring of others' sufferings?
I am excited to begin working on the curriculum and brainstorming ideas and projects and lessons that will shape the attitudes these kids have about the marginalized and the poor. I'm excited to invest in service and I think I might've found my future career path...who knows...but this framework really gives me energy and excitement. Stay tuned!
This week we had a campus wide staff meeting about our school's expansion. If you don't know, my school is expanding their charter and will add 1st grade next year, 2nd grade in 2014 and so on, all the way up to 5th grade. So the meeting was held to inform us on the changes and served as an opportunity to ask questions and brainstorm ideas for the school's future.
About an hour into the meeting, the founder of my school split our 45-person staff into four groups to discuss four major topics. Each group was assigned one topic. My topic: Embracing Diversity. As we started discussing the ways to cultivate awareness and pride in each culture in our school, we also discussed how special needs seminars and workshops should be offered as well to help educate the people (including staff) of our school.
Once that streamline of thought started to fizzle out, I suggested social justice and what that could look like in terms of diversity of world views and societal views to our kids. The founder of my school was sitting in on this part of the conversation and she asked me to expand on my thought process.
After two years of being engrossed in social justice and spreading knowledge and stories of experience, I jumped at the opportunity to take the floor. So I dove in. I explained how as teachers we are more than educators of academics but we also want to raise kind, thoughtful, giving, socially aware human beings as well. I through some ideas out there like: campus wide dedication to service. For example: Kindergarten writes letters every month to different nursing homes, veterans hospitals, etc. 1st Grade: Cleans up the school or neighborhood. and it keeps going until they get to 4th or 5th Grade where, the ball is now in their court and they have to brainstorm a service project to plan out and implement...i.e. coat drives, getting stop signs put up in areas that need them, etc.
The founder of my school started to get really excited about this and asked me if we could even take it a step further and develop a curriculum around what social justice is. I felt on fire with ideas and starting spitting out: well, we could have different populations each month like homelessness, the environment, the elderly, low income children, immigration, gender equality, etc. The founder of my school pulled me aside after the meeting and asked if I wanted to sit on the committee for this topic and I emphatically agreed.
To get to my point. Through my time with Agape, I realized how much children can do and how little we think they can do. I always underestimate the power of a child; but to be perfectly frank , their idealism, their creativity, their excitement, their lack of bitterness (that comes with aging) is what will change the world for the better. I don't want to wait until kids are 15 to start promoting social justice driven actions, I want to start at 5. I want a 5-year-old to look at a homeless person and think, "wait, I learned about this in school...he's just like me;" instead of whatever stereotype that could possibly be ingrained into their brains thereafter. I want to beat the stereotype to the punch. I want to invest in kindness and love for ones neighbor as much as we invest in reading, writing and math. Because what good are the academia if the person is selfish, rude, mean and uncaring of others' sufferings?
I am excited to begin working on the curriculum and brainstorming ideas and projects and lessons that will shape the attitudes these kids have about the marginalized and the poor. I'm excited to invest in service and I think I might've found my future career path...who knows...but this framework really gives me energy and excitement. Stay tuned!
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