I love my work. It is my refuge from the craziness of my house and the volunteer program I am a part of. My kids keep everything in perspective for me. They are gifts; every day with them is such a crazy, rambunctious and sometimes an irritating time but so worthwhile! I love them…I love being someone they trust and care about. It’s amazing how attached one gets to the little faces and smiles that pass through those heavy doors every day.
When thinking about it, my co-workers give me strength too. They make me smile, defend me, give me a hard time, challenge me, support me and it’s kind of like a second family. I really appreciate the relationships God has placed in my life and it’s taken until now to kind of realize the gift of my co-workers. My roommate, Alie works with people all over the age of 45 and my other roommate, Melissa works with two guys over the age of 40. So I am blessed to have people who keep me jazzed and excited to come to work.
There have been a number of times where I’ve felt homesick, frustrated or sad and my co-workers have unconsciously made me feel better. When I had a student tell me he hoped I died, Steve wanted to kick his butt. When I was feeling especially homesick, Karitza was there to invite me over to her house for dinner and to listen to me. When I needed to complain about life, Joe was there, either willing or not, to listen to me. When kids weren’t listening or paying attention to me and I am at my wits end, Brandon came up to me and said, “who’s not listening?” and then proceeded to yell at them to listen to me. When I needed to learn fly dance moves or new phrase like “What chu is?” Jasmyn and Daeshaun were there to help me fit in. When I was feeling frustrated with gym classes and wanted to give up, Courtney gave me countless pep talks. When I needed a good laugh, Terrell looked out the window, saw three wild turkeys and started making turkey noises out the window. When kids were driving me to my edge, Connie would give me a look that just read understanding and it was all I needed to keep pushing through. When I needed to learn how to salsa and needed the proper encouragement, Kathy was there with a smile and a drink in her hand. When I was just getting comfortable and feeling like I knew what I was doing, Carl was there to poke fun of me and bring me back down to Earth. Every morning, Robert greets me with a huge wave and a smile saying, “Good morning, Katie! How are you?” Bianchi has always been there with a smile and an invitation to go out with everyone from the moment I put on my Shehan staff shirt and Sarah is always there to listen to me and ask me how I’m doing. Each one of them has made me feel included, has comforted me, has been a friend to me and has been like a brother or sister to me. This year would’ve been ten times harder without them and I am so lucky to have spent the past 8 months with them.
August will be here before I know it. This makes me sad, like really sad, because of the awesome relationships I’ve made here. I’m finding it hard to think about the repercussions of working here: to some of these kids I am all they have…what happens when I turn out to leave, just like everyone else they know? In all reality, when will I ever be visiting Bridgeport again, I mean, seriously? It’s sad to think about…
I’ve been volunteering for eight months, which means I have been stirring the metaphorical pot of Katie’s emotions for eight months. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned how much happiness I get from feeling needed. I realized how much God has been pushing me (and I’ve been fighting) to work with children. I have learned how strong I am and how incredibly weak I am. I have been challenged to trust myself and defend myself and to not hide behind anything (because for a long time I had nothing out here to hide behind). I’ve taken for granted the relationships I have back home: with my mom, with my dad, with my siblings, with my closest friends and kindest acquaintances. I’ve realized how much easier the world is to take by storm when you are surrounded by a safe, loving and supportive bubble of people…when that’s gone, the world is a scarier and meaner place and it’s harder to stay positive. I think God knew what he was doing when he sent me to Bridgeport because He wanted me to feel this, to know what this is like so I could appreciate all those relationships that much more. I am a little nervous to begin this process again; to start from scratch and volunteer for another year in another strange city, without the safety net of the relationships that I have formed in Bridgeport or Bellingham, WA. I am afraid I will burn out, hate the work, hate the city and just want to give up…but being the Conway I am, I know that I will never quit what I start. I take comfort in knowing that when I first applied, I wasn’t sure about doing the program but I said, “God, if You want me to do this, I’ll get in and if You want me to move on and You think I can’t handle it, I won’t get in.” Well, I got in and His decision was made so I take relief in that. He’s driving the car…I’m a mere passenger and although I am going to miss the people I’ve met in Bridgeport a crap-load (it’s a legit measurement…on the metric scale, of course), people come in and out of our lives for different periods of time and only God knows why…only God knows why.
No comments:
Post a Comment