Alright, I'm trying my hand at free writing about what's weighing heavily on my heart instead of providing small snip its of gratitude in my life. So bare with me!
This past week has been interesting because now that I have hit the one month mark of being at Miriam's Kitchen, I have gotten through the training and now can add my own flavor to the job. I can take what I've learned and what I know and need in bits and pieces of myself into it. I have learned:
-People need to want help in order to actually take advantage of help.
-Systems in place are unfair, unjust, unkind and unwilling to listen to the many who are struggling due to conditions and situations they didn't ask for or deserve
-Everyone, including myself, is looking for human interaction and longs for belonging and love
-People are resilient and unpredictable!
For the last "learned point" I think of all the guests I've met in these past four weeks. These four weeks have blown by so quickly that it's hard to truly sit, reflect and soak up everything and everyone I've met. I am reminded of a certain guest who time and time again surprises me (in both good and bad ways). He is always drunk (something I am sad about because I've never met this man sober so I wonder what he'd be like). His levels of drunken-ness vary from time to time and I've heard that he can get violent if he gets too bombed. But I digress, this man is an artist and although he doesn't think of himself as such, I see his talent and marvel that such an out-of-control human being can create such deep and touching artwork.
This man, usually draws landscapes, which is what I like to paint so I feel a common bond there. But he also does random word groupings and bridges in his work, the words are usually really powerful and reflective on his personal life choices and decisions. One day I was walking around the floor and stopped at him, I looked over his shoulder and saw he was sketching a road...it was entitled "The Road to Hell was Paved with..." In his work, he sketched a car (which I guess was him), driving smoothly, hitting bumps, choosing directions to take and eventually crashing once it got to the road sign that read "booze". I asked him, "is this your newest work?" He looked up at me and said with a very heavy slur, "yeah, you like it? I call it 'The Road to Hell is Paved With...well, paved with stupid choices." I asked him what part he thought best defined him right now and he said, "well, all of it. I feel like every morning I wake up is this road and I never know how it's going to end." This man has so much potential, he just can't do it...he just falls just short of where he needs to be, time and time again.
Later that week, I was being hit on repeatedly by the same guy, who can't take a hint and was making me really uncomfortable and my drunken art friend walked up and yelled at this Casanova, "Yo, man, you heard her...back off. Go sit down, man and leave her alone!" We don't like to encourage the guests to pick fights or anything, but it felt good to know that this man had my back and was looking out for me. Casanova ended up being kicked out of Miriam's that evening because he wouldn't leave me alone but this drunk art man surprised me again that day.
Finally, flash forward to 2/9. This drunk art friend of mine comes in, wayyyyy too drunk for his own good and can barely talk. He has a paper in his hand and when I ask him what it is he pulls it close to his chest and backs away saying, "what I'm about to show you is top secret. You and maybe three others are the only ones who know about this." He proceeded to show me the court documents from his trial he had skipped that day. He was found guilty of a pretty serious crime and sentenced to 90 of probation and a $50 fine. Now I knew why he was so hammered, he couldn't even hold a pencil.
This man has taught me a lot (as many of the men I work with have) but he displays the best example of how people simply are resilient and unpredictable. Just when I think I've seen him pull everything, or just when I think he's going to turn his life around, he surprises me and that truth is hard for me to grapple with. People are messy and their problems are even messier; but they are resilient and I take a little refuge in that.
***Song lyrics (in title of blog) taken from "Dear Mr. President" by Pink.
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