Monday, October 27, 2014

Taking Care of Each Other

When I teach, I open myself up to a strict level of vulnerability. I allow myself to reveal personal facts to my students in small quantities as I see fit (so usually they don't know much about my personal life).

About three weeks ago, God sent me a challenging little friend with more struggles than any 4-year-old should ever have to have. She enrolled in my classroom 7 weeks into the school year (not ideal) and had just began living in foster care. From the start, we all noticed something a little different about my friend. Her inability to process information, feelings, etc. and her inability to control her emotions was startling. We would start reading a story and she'd flip out and throw her body on the carpet like a toddler. It was very apparent that she was and is spiraling out of control and didn't know how to process all the "adult" issues being thrown her way. Between her crying for her mom every day and the behavior reward of a hug when she was able to calm herself down (instead of fruit snacks or a toy as an incentive); it simply broke my heart.

Selfishly, I kept asking myself, "God, why did you have to plop her in my class? We have routines down, we have everything on lock down in my class...we're rule followers and everyone is on point. Why my class, Lord?"

Today I got a glimpse into why God blessed me with her.

During nap time, I heard her crying. Usually, we try to ignore crying during nap time because of the importance of self-soothing. Anyway, this time, I decided to call her over to me. I had her sit on my lap and I asked her, "what's up, friend? Why are you crying?" She replied, "I sad."

At this point, I could guess why she was sad, any idiot who knew anything about her could guess why she was sad. And normally, I avoid bringing up really sad or traumatic things with my students because I don't want to trigger a fit or hysterical emotional mess. But today I asked, "friend, is it because you miss mommy?" She quietly said, "yes." I looked at her and said, "it's OK to be sad sometimes. But you know what? That's why I'm here. I'm here to take care of you, to be your friend when you're sad and help you out." And as I looked at her, with her head on my shoulder, under my chin, I made a decision and I broke one of my cardinal rules...I allowed myself to let her into my personal life.

I said, "Friend, I miss a really good friend of mine and I cry a lot too. And sometimes I can't sleep because I'm so sad. Are you having a hard time sleeping?"

She nodded. I continued, "do you want to see a picture of my friend?"

She nodded again and I pulled out a silly picture of Shaun and I making goofy faces and she laughed. She asked, "friend's name?" I told her what his name was and that he was very far away and I wouldn't be able to see him in a very long time. My voiced dropped when the words left my mouth, it was as if (in that moment) I let myself accept the reality that he was gone; and without a beat, she perked up and said, "Ms. Katie, I help you. We take care of each other."

I held her tightly and felt love radiating back and forth between us as she hugged me back. We are here to help each other. We are here to get each other through sad days. God plopped her in my class for a very big, important, reason...He could have sent a co-worker, or a friend, or a boss of mine, but He chose to send a very troubled 4-year-old girl to remind me that we are here to take care of each other and no one is exempt from that.

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