It's February so I thought we were semi in the clear when it comes to bad snowy weather but alas, this is not the case. From Christmas until now, we have had around 3 feet of snow and about 4 inches of freezing rain/ice on top of the 3 feet of snow. I have yet to work a full week at the center because of the weather...so I've had some down time at home which consists of cleaning, shoveling a little, reading, watching "Friends" and painting our mural we started in our basement. It's funny because I was asking for snow...well, now I got it! I got what I asked for...last time I'll make that mistake.
Moving on, we have reached the half-way point in JVC...it's gone by kinda quickly, but I feel like since the snow hit, it's been passing VERY slowly. After six months in JVC, I've learned a lot about inner city living, cooperation, patience (still working on this one), non-profits, homesickness and, of course, myself. JVC is funny because you anticipate some things like issues with roommates or tough situations at your placement or being financially strapped, but you don't really anticipate the direction your personal growth will take...there's no way to anticipate that...it's impossible. The major "blizzards" of these past six months have helped shape me in terms of my personal strength...unfortunately, I am afraid that the trade off has been that I'm not as "sweet and easy going" as I used to be. The harshness of who I work with and their home lives, combined with community life and being so far away from family and friends has hardened me a little. My biggest fear is not that I won't be affective here or that I won't learn, but I will lose a piece of myself in the process...I will lose the "bubbly and silly" person that God created me to be.
Maybe I'm being a bit over-dramatic but I do feel myself hardened, tougher and a little rougher than I was before...which may not be a bad thing, I just feel myself fighting for the old qualities I love about myself as a trade off...I'm not sure how to combat that, but I'm at least aware of it.
JVC has a catch phrase, and if you've done anything with JVC than you know it, it's "JVC ruins you for life." I always thought that was in terms of being a witness to poverty and never being able to go back to being ignorant about injustices; but for me, it goes deeper too...I'm ruined for life because I am harsher and less naive than the person I was coming into JVC. I don't know about the next six months but I truly want to maintain the "old Katie" for as long as possible and not let homesickness or the stresses of community life bog me down. The world deserves the Katie from Washington, not the semi down trodden one from Bridgeport...
I just realized how negative this post is...so unfortunate...I want to end on a positive note: I love my kids...I love the center because it gives my kids a chance to be kids and not deal with adult problems...I love that God is using me as a vessel or tool to do His work. He has a plan and if that plan means I'm going to have to be down-trodden for a little bit until I see the light at the end of the tunnel, so be it...He can use me...He knows what I can do better than I do...I just need to have a little more faith in His plan. I am happy here, I love the work I do, rest assure that I am not miserable in the least bit! Loves!
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