It's My Last Monday in the BPT

I am super sad to report that today marks my last Monday in Bridgeport. I am so sad to leave and I was talking to my friend on the phone last night and her parting words were: "I hope your last week is wonderful and you don't get distracted by getting sad. Don't dwell in the leaving." She is so smart but it's been so hard...

I have had the best last two weeks: My sister got married in CA and we went on our final retreat with JVC. Both were great...Margaret's wedding was incredible. But they took a week and a half away from my kids, which makes me sad. I missed so much in two weeks. I missed kids getting kicked out or winning boy or girl of the week or councilor drama...hahaha...but I missed a lot. It was a sick comfort to receive texts from co-workers wondering when I was getting back because they missed me...that was sweet.

I guess I kinda felt obligated to write a post because it's my last Monday and I guess I have a case of the Mondays...but my mind is so jumbled up right now that I can't even focus to write something poignant or wise...sorry for this lame post and hopefully my next will be much better. Loves!

It's Been too Long...

Sorry I haven't kept up with this blog very well lately...I've been really busy with summer camp and hustling around, trying to complete the things on my bucket list. Time is running out and it's making me nervous and sad...but that's the thing about time, it comes whether you want it to or not.

I have eight summer camp days left and only 22 days left in JVC Bridgeport...it's an odd feeling to know that in a month I will be leading a completely different life and living in a completely different city. It's a thought that I've been avoiding for a while and am still trying to avoid.

We have so many things going on in the next three weeks that I feel like time is going to whiz by too quickly. I leave for my sister's wedding on the 20th and am gone until the 25th. Then, we have Dis-O on the 26th-29th and on the 30th, we're going to Rhode Island so I can see the Atlantic Ocean. Then I have my last week in Bridgeport and my last week at camp. We have our going away party on August 5th and I leave on August 6th. I am blown away by how fast time is going to go by.

I want it to slow down; if I could have a super hero power, it would be to slow time. I don't want to leave these people...I love these people, like truly and honestly love them. They have been here for me when I needed listening ears the most and have hugged me when I needed comforting. The Shehan Center is a second family to me and I am having a really hard time saying goodbye to that family. I love the 300 kids I have gotten to know this year. They are all my kids and my children and I want to stay here with them forever...but that's not realistic and I'm sure DC is going to be full of amazing people and amazing experiences but I am sad to go.

So with less than three weeks left, I'm going to try and squeeze as much as I can out of every day and be thankful for each day God has given me in Bridgeport.

The Small Things in Life

So JVC has definitely forced me to appreciate and see awesome-ness in the small things that I used to take for granted. These things range in size, in significance and in substance but I've discovered how much they mean to me or how much my day is improved because of them. Here are a few of them:

1. Music: I always appreciated music but even more so now that it's basically the only technology I have. More specifically, a certain song or lyric might relate 100% to my emotion in that moment and it could turn my entire day around. Even more specifically, I have taken to the musical stylings of Lil' Jon. His outlandish remarks and add ons to different songs just makes me smile and I would love to have him over for dinner sometime. So Lil' Jon, if you're reading this, contact me...you make me smile. Also, Selena Gomez, Lady Gaga's "The Edge of Glory" and any Glee song has brought multiple moments of fun to my life that have helped turn what could've been poopy days into better ones.

2. Random Youtube videos my co-workers make me watch about "America's Got Talent" contestants or the "We Are the World" music video or pictures of random tattoos online. They help break up the monotony of the day.

3. Text messages from family and friends that say little things like, "thinking of you" or "I saw this today and it made me think of you" help remind me that people love me as much as I love them.

4. Getting chased down the street by our neighborhood kids and having them open our car doors before we even turn off the engine. They always want to play with us and it can be annoying sometimes, but most of the time it helps make me smile and make me appreciate the young adults I had growing up, who I chased down the street, wanting them to play with me.

5. The down time I have with my co-workers where we laugh and joke around. Yesterday, we had 30 minutes until we had to leave and we played Hangman for most of it. Other days, we joke around in the front office about highly inappropriate things or we do impressions of each other. It's these little five minute interactions that may be overlooked at the end of my day that I need to concentrate on more.

6. A nice day, with a nice breeze and no plans. I haven't had very many of these days so when they come, I need to embrace and appreciate them more.

7. Getting free shirts from my work. I love that I get my wardrobe for free. I never have to shop again with all the free shirts I've gotten in various different colors.

8. Photos! I love any opportunity to take pictures or be silly in pictures. This year has helped me to appreciate pictures a ton because I've missed out on a lot of my family/friends' events and they have missed out on mine so pictures have been crucial in keeping us connected and they make me smile...a lot.

9. Craft projects and puzzles have been major exciting things in my life lately. Any excuse to glue, paint, tape, hammer or create anything and I am there. I find that I get more excited about going home when I know I have a project waiting for me when I get home.

10. The rare occasion I get to drive in a car by myself. I miss driving so when I get to do it, it's awesome but when I get to do it by myself, I get to belt out my favorite guilty pleasures and sing as boisterously as I want to. It's freeing and therapeutic for me and I used to get to do it all the time, but now it's a rare chance I have to do so.

So that's some of the things that I've taken joy from that I never truly appreciated before...the list is certainly not limited by these ten items...there are more, but who wants to read that? hahaha! Loves!

50 Days Left

Well, I just got an e-mail telling me that JVC is shortening my time in Bridgeport even more for the Pre-Orientation Retreat for second year volunteers. As it turns out, instead of leaving on Aug. 10th, I will now be leaving Aug. 7th, which means my last day of Summer Camp will be Aug. 5th. So crazy...

The last day of after school program was June 10th and that was sad. I came home and cried for a bit about it's end because most of the after school kids are not coming to summer camp so I will never see them again. I had one mom ask me when I was leaving and when I responded she told me that she'd enroll her daughter in the last week of summer camp just so we can hang out one last time. That was sweet...it's strange to think it's all coming to an end, very soon.

I ran in my first ever 5k on Sunday, which was fun. The first person we saw after finishing our race said, "there were kids that finished before you." Granted, the person was 7 or so, but still, it was such an encouraging comment...hahaha...we had fun and now I can say I've ran in a 5k.

Today was the last day of gym classes. I will be happy if I never have to teach another gym class in my life. I got really sentimental about it though because the kids reacted with such shock when my co-worker told them that I wasn't coming back in September. They said things like, "but you've been the best Gym Teacher ever" and "why do the good ones always have to go?" It made me happy but it made me sad as well. I hate that I'm only here for a short while. Seeing the kids off today was just another reminder of that fact.

Last night was our first ever Shehan Center staff softball game...it was so much fun. I looked at it as an opportunity to wear an awesome outfit so I wore my purple and yellow tye-dyed shirt, my bright purple shorts and my knee-high blue, yellow and green tye-dyed socks. My team decided to name ourselves Team Budlight, which was a definite "pick your battles" kind of a moment for me. I made contact with the ball every time but only got on the bases once. So my batting average was 1:5 (not so great). I miss team sports. We all had a blast and I got to know my co-workers better, which was the real purpose of the game for me! I love the staff at the Shehan Center. Everyone laughed, joked and had a good time and we made fun of each other; it was like one, big dysfunctional family. Steve was my team's captain and he always tried to give me a pep talk before I went up to bat, he was so nice to me and then he'd turn around and curse like a sailor...I love Steve, he's like the big brother I always wanted. It was great, even though we lost (16-14) and we all decided that we need to do it again SOON! So watch out, a professional Shehan team might be int he works soon!

Anywho, summer camp starts on June 27th so I have about a week more of running around with last minute planning and then chaos begins! :) I can't believe it's already summer, I can't believe we're already getting e-mails about JVC for next year and I can't believe my sister is getting married in 36 days! Ah! It's all happening so quickly and I hope I make it through to the other side all in one piece!!!

World Faces Epic Food Crisis

So my mornings mainly consist of getting ready and then going downstairs to make my lunch and make my breakfast. I don't do anything crazy, my life is built off of routine so I try to keep to that routine as much as possible. I make my lunch, put it in my backpack and then look at the time to judge how much time I have to eat breakfast. This morning I had a little extra time so I made me a nice bowl of cereal and sat down at the kitchen table with my coffee in hand and flipped open the latest "Time" magazine we have.

When I got to my favorite section, entitled, "World: Briefing" I read up on the nuclear issues in Germany, the soccer scandal in Switzerland and then I got to an interesting and frustrating article entitled, "World Faces Epic Food Crisis" reported from the UK. In this article, two diagrams are illustrated to show the estimated rise in the cost of basic food staples like paddy rice, wheat, maize and processed rice by 2030 and a chart depicting what that means for developed countries and developing countries.

In the article, the journalist writes, "the London-based charity Oxfam says the 'international community is sleepwalking' toward humanitarian catastrophe, as rising food prices threaten to cause a range of demographic and social crises." This made me frustrated because food is a basic necessity. All human deserve to be fed, to be happy and to be respected (Catholic Social Teaching shpeal).

How many times have I had a full refrigerator and wondered, "dang, what am I going to eat tonight for dinner?" or thought, "ugh...there are just too many choices!" How many times have I seen my kids throw away perfectly good bunches of grapes or half sandwiches or cartons of juice just because they were "full"? It's upsetting to think that while some of us sit comfortable, in fact more than comfortable, with our food choices and our wasteful tendencies, that there are many out there (even within our own U-S-of-A) who have either only one choice for dinner or none at all.

My question is this...how can we solve the world hunger problem? If some have more than enough and many have barely enough to get by, how can we make that more fair and equal? I'm not a socialist or communist (hahaha) so don't start in on me about those labels, but I am a human being, with a human heart that calls me to love all and respect all and this human heart has a hard time grappling with the fact that some are way more privileged than others in many areas of life but it's especially disheartening when it applies to the basic necessities for living like food. No one should ever go hungry and if the problem is only getting worse, and we're conscious that it's getting worse, how come we don't work to stop it?

I Feel Like My Day is Five Crammed into One...

So many things happen during my day that when I look back on the day's happenings it seems like five different days squished into one!

This morning was my last day of swimming with my 7th and 8th grade girls gym class and we played water polo. It was a blast and everyone seemed to have a really good time. As they were changing, the girls who didn't get in the water were talking to me about hair products and why natural oils make your hair grow. They were commenting on the purple in my hair and how badly my roots were showing (it's like two inches of roots). Then one girl said, "Ya know, Miss Katie, you'd be so pretty if you weren't so pale." I just laughed and responded with, "yeah, I'm white and my Irish heritage doesn't help me much with gaining pigment. I'm working on it though." It was really funny and it reminded me of something I learned very quickly at the Shehan Center: kids are not afraid to be blatantly honest with you and they will not hesitate in their honesty. Over the past nine months I have learned that kids will notice if you're sweating, if you've got a zit, if you burped, if you're tired or even pale. They aren't afraid to inform you and everyone else about these "flaws" and I guess there's something beautiful about that honesty...you always know what to expect.

Then, I spent two hours folding brochure after brochure to mail out to schools for our summer camp. My fingers are lined with paper cuts because I have been haphazardly sliding my fingers across the seems of the brochures...I look like I was holding hands with Edward Scissor-Hands!

Around 12:30pm my next gym class arrived. This class is my favorite...it has been the most challenging and the most fun class so far this year. It's the COPE class with the four 16-year-old guys who are "at risk" youth, going to this alternative school. Well, today only two of them showed up and they wanted to play basketball...again. So we began playing but kept getting distracted by someone playing piano upstairs...needless to say, we put our basketballs down and began investigating the music. We got to the music room and no one was there so we had fun beating on drums, playing the piano and strumming the guitars. It was a lot of fun. We got bored and headed down to the gym to continue our game and within 10 minutes the two boys began spitting mean words to each other. One guy took it too far and started getting really angry...it went from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds and he started puffing out his chest to the other student and started yelling; he was cursing and threatening the other student and I tried to break it up but they weren't even listening/noticing me. The angry initiator, stormed off, yelling F-bombs and then threw a folding chair to the ground before storming out of the building with his teacher. It escalated so quickly and made me so uneasy...I've only had to break up like three fights this year and all of them helped me realize that I have very little power int hat situation. Once these guys get mad, they're ears turn off and they aren't even thinking straight.

After that group left, I headed up to my office to eat lunch and as we speak, I am balancing lunch, writing this blog and writing up a survey for a grant I'm trying to complete. The many faces of the day have helped me to recognize that the day you think you're going to have when you wake up in the morning and the day that actually unfolds are two very different things. It's only 2pm and After School Program starts in about 15 minutes so I guess I need to buckle down for more craziness because the day has only begun!

Peace Vigil Journal Entry

This is what I wrote at 2:45am at our Silent Retreat on April 29th - May 2nd during the Peace Vigil.

"Lord, I look around the room and candles seem to be flickering on every shelf, nook and cranny. A candle is a living metaphor. Tonight I look at these candles, which enable me to read and ignite an environment of serenity, and I see a child for each one – delicate, wavering, small, quiet, in need or simple things and, sadly, easily extinguished. Tonight, I look at these candles and see a sadness, a fear and I reflect on the reality that I cannot save every candle from going out.

In the Bible, it is written: Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name, welcomes me and anyone who welcomes me, welcomes not only me but the one who sent me” (Mk. 9:37).

I have many things to pray for and many things to be grateful for but tonight, in this hour, I am praying for children, for my children.

JVC and my past life experiences never could have prepared me for the realities I’ve seen over the past eight months. I knew I’d be uncomfortable and at times broken, but my kids have given me so much discomfort in opening their lives and their Truth to me.

I see starving six-year-olds; 2nd graders who read at a painfully slow, almost kindergarten level, rate; I see mouthy boys; girls looking for attention in the wrongest of ways; children throwing punches; not knowing the concept of sharing or caring; I see teachers who just want to be rid of this or that class; I see principals turn their heads and unintentionally ignore the failings of their schools; I see children desperately looking to be loved and I see their candles dwindling.

My roommate always says that it’s easy for people to rally behind children, to see the injustices in the faces of the little ones who are hurting. My question is then, is it more of an injustice if we all can feel the pain and oppression and do nothing about it? Is it more of an injustice if supporting it and seeing its validity is “easy” and we chose to stand aside and be indifferent?

I pray tonight for not only my kids at the Cardinal Shehan Center, but for all, all those near and far, who have no one to help nurture and cultivate their flames. Without investing in our tiniest of candles, our futures become darker and darker.

I pray for educators, administrators, law makers and parents, that they recognize that every child is a gift and every candle needs nourishment.

I pray for all JVs, but more specifically, those working with youth. Since it’s so “easy” to support causes relating to children, it is also very easy to feel disappointed, angry, helpless and discouraged by the oppressive systems in place. I ask for grace and faith for each JV and future JV to not give up and to continue to invest in the future light of our world. I’ve been struggling with the inevitability that come August, I will be gone; I will be leaving these beautiful children. These kids are lacking structure, people who are a constant support and people who believe in them and come August, I will leave; just like every other adult role model they’ve had. I pray for Anne – the JV who will be taking over for me – I pray for my staff and for my kids. I hope that they have, in some small way, felt touched and have felt God’s love through me. I hope they continue to feel it even after I’m gone and that Anne is so awesome that these kids won’t even remember who I am!

I pray for a greater devotion to love – in all forms – and compassion. I pray for educations reform, children and a greater societal value on each candle, the big and the small, the brightest and the dullest, the prettiest and the ugliest, the strongest and the weakest. I pray that no more candles extinguish and that no more candles get pushed aside. I pray that the Lord will only help them burn brighter and stronger every day and that more people become devoted to the “easy” cause of aiding in a radiant future.

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, pray for us.
Mary, our Virgin Mother, pray for us.
All the saints and holy men and women, pray for us.

Amen.

Katie Conway
Bridgeport JVC ’10-‘11"