"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." -Gandhi

Service has been a part of my life since I can remember. My parents have always been Girl Scout leaders/baseball coaches/Cub Scout "Den" Mother/Band Volunteers/P.T.A. Volunteers/Church Volunteers and anything else under the sun. I have been blessed to be raised in a family where service to others is at the forefront of what we do.

Since getting to Bridgeport, I have felt lost many a time; for various reasons. Whether the loneliness of being released into the "real world" by myself or coming face to face with children struggling to be children or being patient with my community and agency, I have lost elements of myself in the hulabaloo of my environment. I have lost my narrow views on poverty, I have lost a part of my optimism, I have lost my fear of the unknown, I have lost my inability to adapt to change. In this environment, I've had to rely on what I know, which is service.

Last Wednesday, I had the best day since getting to Bridgeport. I was intimidated when my supervisors told me I had to teach C.O.P.E. by myself but I knew that God, in His infinite wisdom, never gives you more than you can handle. So I took on the "at-risk" COPE kids. They walked in with their tough exteriors coated in anger, distrust and pain, and I knew I had to stand my ground or they'd walk all over me. They walked in and asked, "so what are we doing today?" I told them, "whatever you want to do." (OK, so I caved very quickly). The three boys started playing basketball and then called me over to ask if they could play 2 vs. 2 basketball...I told them it was OK if they could find a fourth player...they looked at me and I realized the implications they were making. Needless to say, they got me to play. I warned them...let it be known that I warned them of my awful basketball skills. After a while of me looking like an idiot, them laughing at me and smiling at my ridiculous traveling, horrid shots and humorous comments, they let go of their inhibitions and enjoyed their time with me. We had such a great time and all I needed to do was be genuine and myself. I looked like an idiot, but that gave them the wiggle room they needed to act 16, instead of 26 years old. At the end of class, one of the boys came over to me, thanked me and asked if he could volunteer after school with the kids. He said he really enjoyed the Shehan Center and wanted to help. I can't take credit for his sudden interest but I like to think that in loosing myself in service, I helped him find a piece of himself. This one hour on Wednesday helped get me through a challenging week, but it was in this hour that I discovered my calling: I am here to love. I am here to love them, even if they don't want to be loved...I am here to be the Katie Conway that my parents are proud of and to enrich my life with the help of those I'm serving. I am here to be the one person that loves these kids regardless of their past, present or future...I am called to use the gifts I have to push them to act their age and be themselves for an hour a week.

So I was searching through the web and a friend of mine had sent me this Ghandi quote. It was in this quote that everything seemed to tie together: When you make service your own and truly "lose" yourself in the service of others, this is when you discover your desires, your passions, the inner most workings of yourself. Just some morning thoughts and revelations. Have a great week, everyone! Loves!
~Katie~