Wow...where to begin? Currently, I am listening to Nat King Cole in my office, trying to sort through the craziness of the past week.
Pat's (my Program Coordinator) visit was amazing; it was just what my community needed and just what I needed. It was a breath of fresh air and I felt that we were rounding out our two months on a positive note; then, after Pat left on Friday, we were hit with some crazy stuff that hasn't slowed down.
This past weekend was uncomfortable and strange for me (details I can go into later and seem very minute now) but it was a blah weekend. But it turned out to be the calm before the storm...because Tuesday night was the mother of all downpours. I have debated with myself as to whether I should be sharing this information via my blog or if it's even my place to discuss this matter, but after a lot of consideration I have decided to write about the past 48 hours and its affect on me.
Tuesday night, one of my roommates sat my community down to have a chat. I had no clue what the conversation would entail, but within the three hour conversation it was revealed that this roommate had been considering quitting the program (JVC). I found myself in a state of confusion because I didn't see this coming at all...I didn't sense this, and usually I'm so apt at predicting this stuff. She gave us a slough of reasons for leaving and I found myself trying to convince her to stay when her mind was already made up. So we left the conversation with her uncertainty of whether she was staying or not.
Yesterday afternoon, on the ride home from work, Alie received an e-mail from this roommate explaining that she made a decision and her decision was to leave Bridgeport and quit JVC (I just got this e-mail this morning so it was sent to all of us). Well, I found myself rushed with sadness, anger, guilt, hurt, confusion and concern. As of now, I am still processing this information and the fact that as of tomorrow I will be living in a community of three. For some of you reading this, you may not understand the severity of this roommate's early departure, let me just relay to you that her leaving is a huge deal...trust me...not just to me, but to Bridgeport, JVC and all involved in the program. I am shocked, I didn't see it coming and I have replayed my actions and my interactions with her over the past two months over and over again but dwelling on it won't help me. I don't know if this roommate understands how much she really is damaging our experience or even our personal psyches but she has reached a decision that she feels is best for her. If you want to know more about how I'm doing or how JVC is going to try and fill in the gaps/the logistics of this situation, call me (although I doubt I'll have answers for you).
I do need to reaffirm though that this decision was not a result of anything my community has done wrong. This roommate had her reasons, none of which had to do with the remaining three Bridgeport members...this fact I have had to convince myself of and stop beating myself up about because whether I like it or not, her leaving is not my fault. Thank you for your prayers and support and I love you all, even my not-so-avid readers! We're all still processing and trying to answer the inevitable question of "where do we go from here?" But I can only look up and be excited about the next ten months...I have two awesome roommates who love me and are ready to take life by the horns so here we go!
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