You've Lost That Loving Feeling?

I was talking to my roommate yesterday about the goings ons in my placement and how I am currently feeling with my "job". The conversation revealed a few things to me that I hadn't recognized or wanted to point out to myself.

It's October 29th and I left Washington state August 12th so that makes, what, two and a half months gone? The novelty of patience, excitement and initial buzz has worn off. I still love what I'm doing but I've noticed my interactions have altered and I'm now finding myself making attempts to recapture that old spark that I have lost.

I find myself not as patient with my kids...I've become similar to the other counselors here...I yell at the kids more than I hug them and I am more critical than I am smiling toward them. I don't even play with them as often as I used to.

It's not just my kids though, it's the actual interactions I've had with my co-workers as well. I am less "peppy" as one co-worker said. My boss said that I have hardened a little bit since I first got here, but she said this in a positive way...as if me becoming tough and numb to their backgrounds and to the kids was a good thing. I miss the excitement I used to get when I woke up in the morning. I miss playing with my kids...somehow along the way, I have lost the loving feeling I have for my staff and especially those I am serving...my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them still and I still love my job, but somehow I have lost the initial spark I had for my work.

Now it's time to find a solution...I've noticed I am more "negative" when I hang around some of the staff, so maybe I should spend more of my time with my kids. Maybe I should chose certain days to spend with certain kids and certain days to spend with the other kids. Then, the novelty of spending my days with those little dearies won't run out as quickly. In addition, I've noticed the power of music. If I listen to "pump up" music that makes me happy, than I am more likely to have a good day...crazy, right? I just need to refocus and re-evaluate my priorities again. That's all...I'm confident that now I've recognized the problem, I will find a solution. Today is day one...I will recapture what I lost and have a wonderful time doing it. It's going to be good. Happy Halloween everyone...be safe, have fun and don't smash any pumpkins or I.Will.Cut.You. Loves!